Thursday, August 25, 2005
princess ;
here's where I'm blogging now
http://firegirl.diary-x.com
x 8/25/2005 06:10:00 PM x
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
princess ;
I'm tired and in need of working out. I feel sluggish. The weather outside is just so bloody ugly to do anything. So depressing!
x 5/24/2005 08:01:00 AM x
Monday, May 23, 2005
princess ;
I really got to go pee. Yea, not much of an interesting message I know. I'm tired, full bladdered, and need a vacation -_-
x 5/23/2005 08:11:00 AM x
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
princess ;
I'm recovering from a mini flu bug. I had a fever for 2 days. Not too tragic, but I had to sleep a whole lot. I'm feeling a whole lot better, but I still feel woozy. I really want to go out and do something. I don't want to keep my ass on a chair or in bed all day. I'm meeting mum for lunch today. Don't know what else to do. might get a long sleeved top for my aunt's wedding cause my wound is almost all healed up, but the scar is way more apparent than the others do. *sigh*
x 5/18/2005 09:08:00 AM x
Friday, May 13, 2005
princess ;
I got Claire's number to get help, but I haven't had the chance to call yet. Damn phone fear.
My arm is finally healing up after those deep cuts. Itchy as hell though! *scratches uncontrollably* I am going to have the ugliest scars ever -_- At least now it will be my last ugly scar ^_^ Me getting help! yep yep. I am hyper does it show?
x 5/13/2005 03:09:00 PM x
Thursday, May 05, 2005
princess ;
well here I am wasted off of my mind. I have so much trouble typing while ,istening to kuramiono mix for the matrix. Techno and booze for jen = bad thing but makes me happy.I can`t type for shit, but I can at least managen a real smile omn my face. I had at least 2 drink of orange jiuce with vodka and have a litre of vodka infused drink thingn from the grocery stoer. I have the weirdest urge to bite off my tongue and stab myself witha fondue stick. I wish david was ehre/ I really want a hug. a reassuring hug,. something that I know is real and will melt my heart and not freeze it in the way it is now. I'mn passingm my fingers through my hair and it's all over the ketyborad cause I keep yanking at it. I beliebe that nodody cares about me apart from david, derek, chantal, and maybe alex. I don';t know. I don't have any communication to know wgat's what. I'm so tired from staying 29 hours awake even if I do night shifts to make others happy and tp be ablet o see my friends on THEIR shift. THEY sleep like normal people at night unlik eme.
AH TATU.The group./ The song not gonna get us gets to me every time. I want to starve and not become an existant part of society. life isn't fair sometimes. I just want to slash my bpdy to see a pool pf blood to see that I exist and nothing is a dream. I'm really fucked up. I need helkp but I don'thave that kind of money for that kind of help./. Besides, I don't want david to be involved in my fucked up gargage. U'm the one who's screwd up not me. Sometimes I believe that he needs someone better, Someone on hs termsm,.
Sometiomes I feel l'm in a fantasy woprld that I'mjust in aforest anbd nobdoy is around me. Thank god. they'd be scared
x 5/05/2005 10:20:00 AM x
princess ;
I'm not in the best of moods right now. I'm not mad, just feeling blue. I just wrote an email to Chantal asking when we're going to meet up tonight for supper with Derek and David and I started crying. Sheesh. Why am I crying for? I have money coming in and I'm finally moving in with my boyfriend. I guess I just don't know what to do with my free time anymore...I'd love to spend it with David or Chantal or Derek, but because of the night shift I can't do any of it...they sleep while I work and while they're at play or work I sleep. Here I go again. Fucking tears. I wish that they could be tears of joy, but they don't look like it. I feel like stabbing my arm again and again just to feel alive. I feel like a bloody machine doing the same thing over and over. I got a bottle of vodka hoping I could down it all in one shot to fall asleep, but I haven't had the chance to yet. *sigh* I don't know what the hell to do with myself anymore.
x 5/05/2005 07:05:00 AM x
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
princess ;
I've been eating healthier apart from a few slip-ups...before yesterday I had 5 cups of ice cream. Something to make someone really sick. Mr. Big Ice cream too. Had peanuts, caramel, and chocolate. I had 2 oreos when I woke up and that's all the junk for the day!
I feel very bloated and in need of doing cardio. I swear if I had the time I'd go to the arcade and play DDR all of the time. I hate playing alone though. I love playing with Chantal. She's too adorable. I miss playing with Annie too. Oh well. I just hope she'll speak to me when I'll be moving in in June.
I can't wait to go shopping or go out and just hang out with Chantal. It feels like ages that we haven't gone window washing stores and talking over coffee at second cup about stuff that we'd like to do. *sigh*
I'm really pondering about how many courses I should be taking in August. 4,5, or the full 7? I still have to and want to work to keep the money coming in. I still have to pay rent to David's parents. 250-300 I believe. I have almost 6G in my account so it isn't too bad, but I'd like to continue saving up what I've got already.
x 5/04/2005 08:12:00 AM x
Sunday, May 01, 2005
princess ;
I'm exhausted from work even if there weren't many people. I've had 97 (round up to 100) calories and I've been awake for almost 12 hours. I am going to take a nap before David comes over later.
I REALLY want sushi. Freak. I wonder if they put drugs in their sushi at Kanda. I want it literally every freaking day! I think about it and I'm thinking about the texture in my mouth and all.
I'm odd.
x 5/01/2005 06:00:00 PM x
Saturday, April 23, 2005
princess ;
I slept 15 hours and I feel so tired. I think it's the caffeine withdrawl. Haven't had one in 2 days. I wanted to go outside and do something, but waking up around 6pm dulled it all out. Rollerblading? tired...Shopping? doing that tomorrow with Derek, Chantal, and David...cleaning up? tired...and lazy.
I feel the middle of my collarbones finally, but nothing still fits. I found a pair of 3/4 length pants for the summer that fits, but nothing else does. T-shirts are a pain in the ass. I've been doing sit-ups almost every night now and stretching every day at work which has helped a great deal. I find that my calves look way too big with my shoes and dress put together. I just have to get rid of the fat. I have plenty of muscle there.
I have a headache and I can't get to sleep. I'm working in about 5 hours too. My stomach hurts from eating too much popcorn. I miss the good ol' days when I wouldn't have anything the whole day, then have 2 cups of plain popcorn with a good bottle of smirnoff before bed. *sigh*
x 4/23/2005 12:13:00 AM x
Monday, April 18, 2005
princess ;
I'm exausted, too full from food, and I just want to sleep and cry. I eat to make myself more awake to be able to work, but I hate it so much that it makes me disappointed in myself. I just wish I still had the same willpower as 2 years ago...
x 4/18/2005 08:22:00 PM x
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
princess ;
I'm tired, but I don't want to go to bed. All I want to do is stay up and see the numbers go down. Sadly enough I know that won't happen. The hope is still there though. I'm up to a 7 again. I haven't been that size since May of 2003. I feel so huge and bloated. I want to eat healthy, but when I get full I just want to starve and throw up everything >_<.
x 3/30/2005 08:40:00 AM x
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
princess ;
I feel sick. I have a headache. I feel like if I'm gonna hurl. I hate having my period >_<
x 3/23/2005 07:05:00 AM x
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
princess ;
I have a headache, once more. This is getting really irratating. I'm not drinking any milk and a bottle of 24 tylenol is gone in 3 days.
I've made a goal for myself for my dad's wedding. To stop eating as much junk food and eat healthier. Of course, losing pounds will be a plus ^_^. I do want to get more muscle mass. Replace the lard with muscle.
I'm tired....been awake for 23 hours. Go night shift. I want to work out NOW. bah.
x 3/22/2005 07:09:00 AM x
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
princess ;
Wow. Exactly one month since I've written here. Go me.
I went to Kirkland, Seattle, Washington at the beginning of the month to meet Katie, Anna, Martha, and Shannon from SANI. It was like a dream come true! It was just so amazing how we got along even if KC and I had never met them in person, only online. *sigh* I'm really missing them already.
I've been feeling sick since I've been back from the trip. I got the flu or somethingorrather on the 2nd of march. I am feeling better though compared to at first, but now its more with eating issues than anything else. I felt like purging yesterday, but I stopped. Today I purged in the washroom at work. Couldn't get much of that bloody bagel with garlic cream cheese. NEVER AGAIN! That stuff is so nasty coming back up. I felt like if I smelled like puke for over an hour *shivers*
I really want to go to sushi this thursday, but I doubt we'll go. We went last thursday (like pretty much every thursday), but we ate like massive pigs. I had at least 30 pieces of sushi to myself not counting the tempura. David beat his old record of 54 and got up to 62 I think. I really don't know where it all goes! Anyways, I'll ask David if he's up to it and call up Derek and Chantal.
About Derek and Chantal....KAWAIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!! *jumps up and down* I am just REALLY happy for them. They are just too adorable.
x 3/16/2005 07:26:00 AM x
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
princess ;
I've been really busy these past few weeks...Had to get my passport done, applying to college, getting ready for seattle. I got big things off of my shoulders which I am glad that it is done.
My weight have been really bothering me. I am motivated to go work out. Thing is, I need the energy and time! I lack pretty much of both. Bah. I'm getting my rolls again. I was at 119 yesterday at the doctor's office with my clothes and boots on. I wasn't happy to see that number. It's so hard just to starve like I used to. I have david that cares about me and I don't want to hurt him. I don't care if I get hurt. He's my first priority. Already his family doesn't treat him much like family at all...
x 2/16/2005 07:18:00 AM x
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
princess ;
My friend Zilla from sani is having more problems with her cancer. After the regular treatments she hasn't had any improvements. I've been wanting to write to her, saying how I feel, but the words just don't come out right and I feel like if I won't be able to make her feel any better.
x 1/25/2005 07:51:00 AM x
Saturday, January 08, 2005
princess ;
yep yep. Came back from the chalet trip a few hours ago and boy am I glad to be home...
sunday - Technically we were supposed to leave on saturday, but because Liz screwed up on the budget for the chalet trip we had to cut a day PLUS pay 30 extra bucks. So a nice total of 150 bucks total.
I made 4 dozen donuts and 12 croissants. Because some moron badly placed the donuts in the car or something, they ended up all squished and the icing was all over the boxes and NOT on the donuts.
I binged on 2 donuts and 1 cookie and I purged. I couldn't believe that I had purged.[/p][p]monday - Wake up feeling like ass. I went to bed at 10pm and the others were still awake. I just didn't want to be there. I ate a bowl of cereal with banana, and something else. Then went to purge once more.
I wanted to go skating. Nobody wanted to go, so I went alone. After an hour of ice skating I get back and they ask me where I've been. Liz asks "why dyou go alone?" Heck. I ain't staying on my ass to play fucking videogames out on a chalet trip.
The place is a bloody mess. People are playing videogames and leaving all of their crap everywhere. Bowls of soup here, cups of tea there.
At 10pm, they go sliding since they use the same hill that the skiers do after it closes down. I don't want to ruin my back cause 4 people hurt themselves last year. Two other people stay behind to watch anime and play smash brothers.
I went to my room and cried. I drank a bottle of smirnoff ice thingy. I cut. A lot. More than I ever had. I have 61 cuts from a simple blade. I just wanted to be in david's arms, but he wasn't there. It was so late that I didn't want to call him and besides, silly me can't remember his number. I was typsy and I couldn't remember much from that night.
tuesday - I wake up at 7am and there is a small towel strapped to my arm. There was dried blood all over it and my arm was all brown from the coagulated blood. I just went back to sleep hoping that when I'll wake up, the week would have gone by and it would be time for us to leave.
Howard and Danny poke me awake at 4:00pmish and took a "wake-up call picture" (tradition at the chalet trips for the ones who sleep in a bit too much). I'm in a zombish state and Howard asks what happened to my arm. I covered my head and arm under a pillow and tried not to move. They left..
I get into the kitchen and the place is a mess. I just picked up any dishes and put them in the sink. I won't sure as hell clean them. They're the slobs, not I. People were complaining that they were missing things so they're going on a second trip to the grocery store since we've arrived. Eliz and someone else already got the food on the 30th. They shouldn't be going to get more food. But hey, they only need more soda cause they already finished the 10 bottles of soda that they showed up with.
I go swimming with Alex, Steph, Danny, and Andrew. I showed my cuts to Alex cause I didn't know what to do. I couldn't hide. David asked her to take care of me while I was gone and that's what she did. She lent me Cat's arm band things so that I could go swimming and if I wanted to wear a t-shirt i could use them. Without her this week would have been even more painful.I am thankful that she was there for me.
wednesday - I get downstairs to see that someone has eaten my bread. I am ultra peeved. I brought my own food, labeled the cupboard that it was mine with Alex and Steph and they went digging into my stuff.
I have to admit, that day, I was a bore. They went horseback riding and I didn't want to go cause #1 saving money #2 could hurt my back if they start running. I stay back at the chalet with 4 other people who end up watching 2 movies of ghost in the shell. I felt like such a blob. Afterwards, a bit of smash brothers, but even then that got annoying.
I went grocery shopping with Eliz and Howard because they were ranting about not having enough food and drinks. They buy 5 bags of chips. I got one as well, the multigrain stuff. They get 6 bottles of pepsi and more bread for them.
Suppertime! These people do not know how to organise their crap. They make spaghetti enough for over 20 people and when we got to the kitchen the plates were already done. 'Bout 5 cups of spaghetti each person! SICK! I asked mine to be smaller. Their smaller portion is 3 cups. There was also garlic bread and some salad which they put the dressing BEFORE and didn't dry the leaves so they were all slimy and crap. They ended up having to throw almost half of the stuff cause they forgot to bring saran wrap. Idiots.
I went swimming again and have some fun with Alex.Come back from swimming the chip bags are nearly empty. I grab about 2 handfuls of my stuff and watch the fire.
thursday - I have some nuked apples with cereal and cinnamon with brown sugar for breakfast. The others made bacon with eggs. Andrew wasn't feeling well so he slept in. When he came down there was nothing left for him and Howard. They ended up eating hot-dogs for brekkies. They even drank his apple cider.
I clean up a bit cause the dirt and clutter is making me sick. I found a glass IN THE FUCKING COUCH. These people!!! *rips out hair* These people already broke 3 glasses on this trip. They are so irresponsible!
We decide to make some pudding. Megan takes some, eats 2 spoons, leaves everything on the table with her friend Robyn to go for a massage. They come back and everything is still on the table including some of the crap from other people and megan asks why is everything such a mess. I told her that I didn't feel like picking up after other people like they were two year olds. They didn't like that.
I go swimming with Alex and some other people. Don't remember who.Come back and there's tuna casserole made with chips as a crust *shudder* It was ALRIGHT, but so fatty. Alex doesn't like fish and Andrew had gotten an allergic reaction awhile ago and didn't take the risk. All they had left was left-overs.
At 10pm, Alex, me, Steph, Andrew, megan, and robyn stay at the chalet while the rest go sliding. Alex, Steph, and I crank up the music we like and open up the smirnoff popper drinks and dance for almost 3 hours. The others come back after 2 hours and ask us what the hell we're doing. We ask them if they want to dance and they decline. They sit down and play more videogames.
That was the first time during the whole trip that all three got to let go and it was the first night that I actually ENJOYED my stay.
friday - Wake up earlier than pretty much everyone else to grab what I can from the fridge that is still edible. I had toast with strawberry jam. I notice that there is a 2 LITRE bottle of chocolate syrup. WHAT THE FUCK. Retarded. They barely put a dent in it.
Alex asks me if other people could eat my dried fruit. I said only if it was her or Steph. Or others with my permission. Because there wasn't much junk food and sweet stuff megan and robyn went digging into my food even it was labeled and Alex told them it was mine. READ!!!!!
I read mangas for the morning. Something different for a change. I go ice skating with Alex.
Steph talked to Pauline on the phone to find out that David didn't end up moving out. The owner of the building apparently lost the key somewhere, so David would have been able to come! I was really peeved at that. The only reason I was going to the chalet was to be able to be with him. He couldn't go so I thought I could try to be friendly with friends I barely know anymore. That still somewhat didn't work.
For supper there was ham, rice, and veggies. The rice was overcooked (dry) and the ham was super salty. I didn't have ham in ages so I thought it was normal. It sure was, but my stomach didn't like it. INDEGESTION MAN. Oi. Alex, Scott, and I went swimming and I had to go to the can twice cause of diarehha. NOT FUN.
I went to bed "early" cause I didn't want to end up rushing like a chicken without a head the next morning to pack my stuff. I packed most of my belongings the night before and read a few mangas trying to get some sleep while the others were partying with music past 3am and yelling and screaming cause they were playing a game as well.
saturday - I am one of the first people up. I packed my stuff and brought it down. I was the first to have packed all of my stuff. Eliz and Cat were sleeping in the living room on the floor and scott was in the kitchen picking up his things.
Poor guy. During most of the trip he was working his ass off for the whole sound system and computers. He made strawberry and rhubarb crisp and people poked and proded the stuff cause it looked funny. It was damn good stuff. Some people are just careless and heartless. And they don't even think before they speak.
Eventually the rest wake up nearly an hour before we have to leave. Eliz and Liz talk about money issues with Victor cause he had lent them money cause some people couldn't afford to pay the extra 30$. Eliz didn't want to give back any money to Ross since he cancelled at the last minute because of family issues. Actually, she didn't want to give him the money cause she didn't want his friends in the chalet in the first place, even though they didn't come. Most of us agreed to give him back 80 to 100 dollars back to him.
I get a lift from Alex's mum to go back home. We end up going to Nickels for brekkies with Waylan, Andrew, and Andrew's mum. We discussed about the whole deal and Andrew wants to organise it next year. Eliz has a superiority complex problem or something. If it's not her way she'll be pissed at you. A LOT. or she just walks away.
so yea. technically I only had fun after the dancing and all of friday. nice week Off eh?
*sigh*
this feels SO much better getting it all off my chest! Of course I've blabbed to my mum, the people during the brekkies at nickels, and david, but getting pretty much everything out felt nice. ^_^
x 1/08/2005 07:19:00 PM x
Wednesday, December 29, 2004 1/2 cup oatmeal
There was a meeting today for the chalet trip and I'm not happy about it. I had to dish out an extra 50$ cause of a lack of people and the others want to stuff their faces all week. I already told them that I got 3/4 of my food, but it was as if it went in one ear and out of the other. I found out that David is coming-through Howard. David never told me. Guess he wanted it to be a surprise. I shouldn't make me mad, but it is. At first it was yes, then no, then yes again for only a few days. I was actually planning stuff ahead, so that David wouldn't know. Already at the resto I had to let out some steam in the washroom. I hit and slammed my wrist on a screw from the stall. I wanted to get drunk at the chalet and have a few nifty cutting sessions early enough in the week, so they could heal before David could see them. It could still work, depending when he would leave. I want to go ice-skating and work out like mad on barely any food. Sadly though, Alex has been asked by David to "take care of me". I hope she somewhat forgets... It's supposed to be a vacation, so I just want to be free. Even if it did almost cost 200$ and a week's worth of pay.
princess ;
2 apples
1/2 oatmeal coconut cookie
BIG salad with smoked salmon
salad dressing & tortilla with garlic
x 12/29/2004 07:05:00 AM x
Friday, December 10, 2004 I am sick of waking up with bloody headaches. It's a really bad way to start the day. I feel like shit and want to sleep the rest of the day -_- I hurt my back before yesterday while lifting the kitty litter box. Goddam back. I feel like an old lady now! I have a tim hortons x-mas party tonight. I want to go, but at the same time no. Cause of the damn headache I don't want to leave the house. @#$%^&*()_(!!!!!!!!!
princess ;
x 12/10/2004 11:28:00 AM x
Thursday, November 25, 2004 I'm feeling better today. I slept for 11 hours last night. I worked like a busy bee last night at nun's island and barely got to eat. Of course I binged on a muffin, croissant sandwhich, and 18 pieces of soy crisps, but I needed the protein from all those. Nuts, soy, and turkey.
I will be getting my new computer on saturday after work. I really can't wait!
Also getting the dress I'll be wearing to my dad's wedding for June tomorrow with David. He's gonna get something to match with my colors.
princess ;
x 11/25/2004 08:05:00 AM x
Wednesday, November 24, 2004 I can't sleep. This is really pissing me off. I need sleep to work. I could barely sleep 2 hours yesterday and now I've been awake from my "sleep" 12 hours and I'm almost wide awake. I'm yawning just as much as yesterday, feel the same tiredness, but can't fall asleep! @##$%^&*()!!!!!!!!!!!!! Plus what isn't helping is the sims 2 game that i got for my birthday fucked up my comp so I can't use it. I am getting a new computer from my own $$$ but it will be mine...getting it hopefully this weekend. I want this madness to stop...
princess ;
x 11/24/2004 08:35:00 AM x
Tuesday, November 23, 2004 I suck at restricting. I am full from lunch and I ate candy cause I wanted to munch on something crunchy. WHAT THE FUCK. I'm FULL! I ain't supposed to be eating anything. *growls* I went to work out today and I still feel like a jiggly puff...
princess ;
x 11/23/2004 03:06:00 PM x
Sunday, November 14, 2004
princess ;
Fred and I went to the Metropolis on friday to see THE RASMUS. *faints* I want to see them again! Lauri sings so well live and the drummer is so funny ^^'
x 11/14/2004 11:48:00 PM x
Wednesday, November 10, 2004 I feel like ass. Like shit is more like it. I hate eating sweets, but I still do it. WHY? Cause I'm a moron who can't learn THAT'S why. *growls*
princess ;
x 11/10/2004 07:27:00 AM x
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
princess ;
I cut a few days ago, but feel better now. I showed them to david. He wasn't too happy, but he was glad about the amount. He counted them. 13. He said last time there was 3 times that amount.
I can't believe it's already November 2. I really can't believe it. It's been 4 months since the fire had ruined david and me's plans for our future (more like delayed it for at least 2 years :(). It's been almost a whole year since I graduated from hairdressing school and look at me now, as a cashier at a tim hortons. Pathetic.
My mum had suggested I looked into the "young entrepreneurs of quebec" or rather. Something that I could get a loan to start up my own business. That's all I'd need to open up my desert lounge. MONEY.
x 11/02/2004 08:15:00 AM x
Monday, November 01, 2004
princess ;
Happy Halloween! 
x 11/01/2004 01:16:00 AM x
Wednesday, October 27, 2004 I got a letter from the SAQ today and I didn't get the job. -_- I was in a great mood today and that completely ruined it. Now I feel that I'll be at a low-wage job all my life. FUCK. Well, before I opened the letter to utter depression, I found this link on sani that made me really laugh. Damn hilarious http://www.stud.ntnu.no/~alexann/
princess ;
x 10/27/2004 08:08:00 AM x
Tuesday, October 26, 2004 I'm tired and irratated. I just want to be in shape so much, but I don't do crap for it. I am really discouraged now that I know that my body fat amount is 23.5% which is fucking nasty. So what if I am at 113.5 lbs right? Heh. I'd rather have muscle than disgusting flab assed fat that juggles. I am so afraid to become like in the end of 2002. I keep reminding myself that if I don't do any cardio I will be like that any day now. Those 31.5 pounds will come back overnight. *shivers*
princess ;
x 10/26/2004 07:57:00 AM x
Wednesday, October 20, 2004 I got the interview with the SAQ today. Boy I was nervous as bloody hell. I don't know anything about alcohol. Anyways, I had to push my availabilities a bit so now I'd have to practically go to part-time at timmies. Damn SAQ is only "on call" though. So I might not become full-time after the x-mas holidays. So I might ruin both jobs just to get one right now. I am so fucked I bought THE RASMUS cd. I am so giddy! I've never been so "in love" with a band since the BACKSTREET BOYS back in 1997. I've been looking at everything possible on them. Found out I missed a show they did at Musiquplus back in May, but they are having a show on November 12th at the Metropolis. I don't work that day, but if I have the SAQ I might. Oh joy. I am SO there though! The lead singer Lauri is so adorable! *squeases cheeks* Yea yea. Infatuation or something ^^' BLACK FEATHERS. *gets googly eyed*
princess ;
x 10/20/2004 08:33:00 PM x
Friday, October 15, 2004 I have vowed myself to eat more vegetables and more meat aka. protein and consume less sweets and treats. I've been doing alright so far. I've only started today ^^' I am trying not to count calories as much cause when I do it leads to binges and then more sweets. If it gets worse it can lead to purging which is NOT an option. Did it a few weeks ago and I felt like shit afterwards even if I felt happier at the time. I know it will take a while before I adjust to eating less sweets and it won't be easy, but it will be better for me in the long run. There are enough problems on my dad's side of the family with health and I am already 4 years late to get my blood tested for various things (damn procrastination). Anyways, enough rambling about food already! I heard there was going to be another chalet trip this year, but it's still only "all talk". Nothing is organised yet. There is one thing for sure. If I can go, I bring my own food and there is no way in hell that I will bring X amount of money for the amount of food that I eat. Already that I eat like a bird, I don't eat certain meat, can't take milk, and eat more healthier things like rye bread and tofu. I don't want to be harsh, but already the past 2 years have been almost pure hell for me with emotions and not having the food to be able to deal with it hurt like hell. Anger was mostly like it. I had brough diet coke and soy milk cause that's pretty much all I drink. My soy milk was gone in 2 days (we were there for 5), and nobody was supposed to drink my diet coke. I had heard from someone that eliz didn't drink any soda, but she liked my diet stuff so she got into it. Bah. I was also going nutzoid about having meals altogether most of the time cause people would look at me eat and I was afraid that someone could find out. There are the ones that do know, but sometimes I wonder if they remember, or if they do care or just rub it off as if it was all a lie. Sometimes I wonder what my supposed life around me apart from dave and chanty would think if I entered IP because of a low weight. Would they judge me? Would they hate me? Would they point and laugh? I just don't know... There I go again with food. My life is surrounded by it and I have to live with it. It's hard to deal with. I am glad that I am 10000 times better than before I was with David. It was getting pretty bad just before we were together. Surving only on coffee, a bubble tea, and maybe a muffin or fruit if I was in the mood to have real food in my stomach.
princess ;
x 10/15/2004 02:44:00 AM x
Friday, September 24, 2004 I have to get more pickled beets...I finished the bottle on my restriction. I have a headache from eating crap at work yesterday, and I need my sleep. I'm wondering if fred's doing alright at school after finding out she couldn't get her tongue pierced cause of her fucking meds until february. We were supposed to go this afternoon, but now I don't even know if we should still go cause I wanted to get something done...bah
princess ;
x 9/24/2004 09:39:00 AM x
Tuesday, September 21, 2004 I've made a new restriction diet for myself and so far so good. I just have to buy more pickled beets! lol I'll list it all down when I wake up later...
princess ;
x 9/21/2004 10:54:00 AM x
Friday, September 17, 2004 I've eaten too much today. Had sushi with dave, then bubble tea, then junk at work = purge. First time since May. Feel like shit emotionally and physically. All I want to do is stay away from people who might be nosy cause they care and just slash up my legs and arms just like on new years. *sigh* I desperately need a "session". It's way past due. The whole part of me being at my lowest weight ever 2 days ago and seeing another fucking pregnant woman in the metro at the same stage I was supposed to be at doesn't help.
princess ;
x 9/17/2004 08:37:00 AM x
Thursday, September 02, 2004 Been going to the gym more frequently now. I'm becoming the stairmaster queen! LOL. I did 2 sets of 30 minutes at level 6-8 and burned a total of 780 calories. THAT made my day ^_^. I was at 109.5 last night before I went to work. I'm happy to see the numbers go down. Unfortunately tonight I have a "work reunion" at st-hubert. I'll have a salad if they're still availlable. Eating chicken and ribs as a breakfast before work will make me sick as bloody hell.
princess ;
x 9/02/2004 12:45:00 PM x
Friday, August 27, 2004 Break time from work today *sigh* So tired! The baby shower went alright last sunday. My cousin got so spoiled its not funny! They had to ship all of the stuff home in TWO vans. Don't laugh! I'm serious! I didn't realise that my cousin Annie was 29. I was sure she was oldest by 25 or so. And yes, I am the last one not married or have children on my dad's side of the family. They even brought it up. One of my aunts was telling me that when the time will come she'll organise something HUGE. I was afraid and happy at the same time. Lotsa gifts (mwaha), but weird games like changing a doll's diaper with a blindfold with some mysteries in the diaper (usually nutella).
princess ;
x 8/27/2004 10:27:00 AM x
Wednesday, August 25, 2004 I just thought this was funny after a long night of work
princess ;
http://www.pvponline.com/archive/2004/pvp20040820.gif
x 8/25/2004 07:27:00 AM x
Tuesday, August 17, 2004 I wrote this email to my mum since I couldn't face her cause I am so afraid
soni says:So how are things with youfiregirl says:work is going alright
take it as you see it. My emotions are very tender lately and I haven't been happy in a while. David is the only one that is helping me through this and not being able to see him hurts, but heck. I have to pay the rent right?" She called me to ask what's going on, I start crying, can't respond, she starts saying everythings her fault that she's getting all of the shit on her back, she starts crying and gets off the phone. I can't stop crying now. I just want to claw my arms up and rip my eyes out. I hate myself. I can't achieve anything. I want to move on, but I feel like if I never will be able to.
princess ;
"It's a conversation I've had between Sonia and I this morning on the computer and it brought me to tears. I'm sorry if anything has hurt you in this, but I know that if I said it to you in person that you would bark right back at me cause that's how it always is.
it is long I warn you
firegirl says:heh since I am working full-time my mum is making me pay 300$ worth of rent every month
firegirl says:did you have to do that as well?
soni says:Wow, thats quite a bit. No I didnt
soni says:Ive heard of 150, 200 max, but 300. ???
firegirl says:ya
firegirl says:crazy eh
soni says:and how much is the rent
firegirl says:Now I seriously can't wait to move out
firegirl says:500somethingfiregirl says:but the electricity is someone around 100-200
firegirl says:plus the other bills and food
soni says:She s not giving you a chance to save up so you can get a good start. I have to say thats not really fair
firegirl says:yeafiregirl says:well she says thats how the real life it
firegirl says:*is
firegirl says:sick as it is
soni says:she has a good paying job. At least shes not into any troubles. You havmt really found the permanent job you d like yet
firegirl says:nope
firegirl says:Already I am not happy at home cause she orders me around like mad whenever she's pissed she takes it out at me.
soni says:I was lucky with my parents. They let me save up.
firegirl says:very luckyfiregirl says:I never have any luck it seems
firegirl says:no job that I like
firegirl says:I don't even feel at home in my own home.
soni says:hmmm, have you talked to her baout it. Did you tell her that yes you too you ll have to pay that much nexy year, and even more. But for you to succeed, you ll have to save up
firegirl says:*sigh* Sometimes I even wonder if I will get to move on. I got so discouraged with leaving hairdressing for now as a full-time cause I knew that I would never be able to afford the rent
firegirl says:I have. She said its reasonable.
soni says:I mean you even pay for some groceries already. I picked up some stuff when you came herefiregirl says:i left something there?
soni says:no no, I mean you payed for some groceris here. Its like she making you pay for rent ad groceries
firegirl says:Whenever there is something on sale I get it
firegirl says:or whichever
firegirl says:she always buys too much food. She likes variety so she says
firegirl says:I can hold up on very little and you and her know why.
soni says:Well i saw your fridge and well,,,its crazy! Doesnt a lot spoil?
firegirl says:I can't even open up my bead store online anymore cause I can't afford a digital camera, and she doesn't want me to put pictures on the computer cause it will take up too much space
firegirl says:she doesn't want me to cook sweets anymore cause a few months ago I went on a spree and the bill went higher than usual.
firegirl says:yes. a LOT spoils. She gets mad when I don't eat what she gets. I don't get hungry all of the bloody time. I'm not a ravenous teenager like my brother
firegirl says:I'm sorry that I am venting right now
soni says:No problem. Its understandable
firegirl says:ya...firegirl says:I calculated some things
firegirl says:and I have to get my own computer and digital camera. Lots to save up for that. firegirl says:car, liscence.
soni says:continue typing, brb, dog pped
firegirl says:but lemme guess. If I tell her that she would say that I should have gotten it years ago. I know I should have. But I didn't know what the hell to do with my life after leaving highschool. I had enough to deal with both parents saying pish-posh about each other towards me all these years.
firegirl says:another factor that hasn't helped at all
firegirl says:my dad's getting remarried next year and she is really pissed at it all
firegirl says:she litterally said last friday "j'técoeuré d'être icitte." and she left to her bf's house all weekend. She didn't even come back yesterday or today.
soni says:yah, Well especially that you live in Montreal, alot of people think they dont need a car because they have the transportation. Plus you were in school and you were always on the bus and metro. You see my brother moved to montreal just for that reson. So he wouldne have to use his car to go to school. Of course he ll have the option to use it when visting home, but his intention was to not use it
soni says:because of parking
firegirl says:she was pissed that i didn't do things around the house. She doesn't understand that when I come home I do a few thigns and go to bed. When I wake up I do more things. What she doesn't fuckign realise is that when I wake up she gets home and she just yells me this and that. "this place smells. you didn't do this. you didn't do that"
firegirl says:yea
firegirl says:but I don't want to live on montreal all of my life
firegirl says:I want to get out of here
firegirl says:sometimes I just want to vanish from everything cause all I've done is dug myself in a shit-hole
soni says:well you have to tell her. I slepp during the day, I work at night, you re all fucked up,and well you can do it on the weekend when you re alittle more awake
firegirl says:yea
soni says:Well thats you r reason why you didnt think of a car, You ve been in Montreal for how long now. You tell her, now im thinking of getting my licence because you re not going to live in Montreal all your life
firegirl says:she keeps telling me to find something else
firegirl says:io can't
firegirl says:then I won't be ablet o afford the damn rent
soni says:Now youre seriously thinking about that step. And if she supports you she should let you have a chance to save up
firegirl says:i know that if I go into hairdressing the income isn't stable and if I have to pay rent during then everything's gonna go to that. I'll be living with mum til I'm 30 cause I'm going nowhere
soni says:Sure, you can work there for now, but you can look for something else mean while. Especially when you re not sure where excatly were you re going to move, Im sure your trying to get things straight first. Where rent is going to be, where you re going to work.
firegirl says:i sent my cv and a letter to the saq and they kept it. They hiring next november. It would be nice to have that as a birthday gift
firegirl says:yea
firegirl says:if i can end up being able to save up
soni says:you can work for a ahairdresser, but another job at the same time. If you can find someting that you can work maybe twice a week, thats when you start to build your customers, but you still have another job on the side. It ll probably take a while to have a full time spot, but you ll have to start by a couple weeks
firegirl says:yea
firegirl says:hairdressing in montreal is the problem
firegirl says:people are just so goddam rude
soni says:Go to some small place first nothing fancy smanchy. At least you ll have experience. A lot of places look for experince
firegirl says:every place I have been to in montreal asks for minimum 3 years
firegirl says:and I'd have to be an assistant for at least 6 months to a year if I would start doing a wee bit on customers
soni says:Well ignore the experience, Send it out anyways, Every one you see
firegirl says:send what out?
soni says:Its a start, If thats how a hairstylist starts off, then thats probably what you ll have to do. Even if its not what you want. If hairstylist is what you reall want to be, then there might be some cons to it
firegirl says:but I'll have to wait until november to make sure about the saq no?
soni says:your cv
firegirl says:yea...
It's way past my bedtime and I'm going to cry myself to sleep cause I don't see anything else better than I can do.
x 8/17/2004 01:01:00 PM x
Sunday, August 15, 2004 I've been finally off the rag starting today. Binging and junk-food will stop as well. I've eaten more in the past week than in a whole month! I am such a hog. *oink oink* Also I will only have cheese and yogurt as milk products. I had whipped cream earlier and I have the most massive headache! I saw Alien VS. Predator yesterday and I liked the movie, a lot. If only it was a wee bit longer. It was as short as a diney movie you could say. I am not saying that it lacked quality though. A lot of puppeteering which I was glad to see.
princess ;
x 8/15/2004 12:06:00 PM x
Tuesday, August 10, 2004 I have been restricting with great success. I am glad that I am now at a new low weight and I am not feeling too tired. I look better too. I talked with my mum yesterday and found out that I now have to pay 300$ rent a month, pay some of my glasses 100$, and a cooking pan that went out in the fire at Dave's house (she bought a new one) 8$. So at the end of the month I owe her 408$. *faints* Just OW. Already I have my meds which are about 17$ and my bus pass of 31$ which total to 48$ a month. Just in basic payments going out of my bank account automatically is 348$ a month. I get about 600$ every two weeks which isn't too bad, but I hope that I'll get the job at the SAQ in November as a birthday gift. I want to get my liscence, car, and maybe a computer within 3 years. Is that unreasonable?
princess ;
x 8/10/2004 05:05:00 PM x
Wednesday, August 04, 2004 I have been non-existant once again on this blog. *sigh* I have been a busy bee and still buzzing. I am working nights and getting adjusted to the night life isn't so easy as I thought it would be. I am a "night crawler" usually. Going to bed at the wee hours of the morning, usually at 3-4 am. At Tim Hortons though, there are so many things to do that when I finish my day and am not late on my productions, cleaning, and filling up stuff I feel acheived...but drained. There aren't many clients between 12:30 am and 4 am, but just enough that if someone doesn't choose their selection of food or drink almost right away I can be late in my things to do. The morning rush is enough to drive someone mad. I am alone from 10pm til 6am and then 2-3 girls show up for the morning rush. Thing is, many customers start showing up at 5:30am. I almost have to have 10 pots of coffee on, grow myself extra arms, and 2 more cashes to get everything done in record time. Of course, this can't happen. I already have 2 people on Drive with their orders, a line-up of 5 people at the front cash, and me talking into the microphone telling the next person in the Drive that they have to wait because I can't do everything at once. Today was the first time that I started to panic. I screwed up an order. It was only because I had put cream cheese on a blueberry bagel when the guy only wanted butter. I freaked out and then the 3 cashiers showed up. I was just glad that they did. Chalet time! Going on August5th and 6th with mum, her bf, vince, his friend, and david. It has been almost 2 years that I haven't been there and it is way past due that I go there again.
princess ;
x 8/04/2004 10:41:00 AM x
Saturday, July 10, 2004 I have been somewhat busy. I was working at Loblaws and trying to find a night job because the hours there were sufficient. After finding out that I had only 4.5 hours in ONE WEEK I decided to call it quits because they kept giving me minimal hours when the scehdule was made, and then kept calling me for the rest of the week for me to come in. Planning stuff would be impossible. I had my first night shift day at work yesterday. I thought it would be way more complicated than I heard it would be! I am in an ESSO gas station (with a locked door don't worry!), so the place to make stuff is extremely limited. To the point that one of the freezers is located OUTSIDE of the place. Night shift basically means production shift. I have to make the muffins, bagels, bread sticks for sandwhiches, croissants, timbits, and danishes. Thank god they're all prepackaged! Even then, there is so much. Friday night is the night that has the least production to make. For example, yesterday I had to make 18 fruit explosion muffins. From Sunday to Tuesday, I have to make 36. The customer flow is more frequent from those three days. And imagine, I have to take out all of the products and cook, decorate, and place them while serving customers at the cash AND drive-thru. ^_^ . I'm weird. I love being uber busy. I barely get to take a small break to have a nibble of food here and there.
princess ;
x 7/10/2004 03:40:00 PM x
Saturday, June 26, 2004 Yep Yep. I haven't posted in a while once more. Kind of getting into the hang of that hmf? The whole mess of the fire is handled out now. Dave and his family are staying at his aunt's house until the place is built up again...I think. They could be re-opening in November, but it's still all talk. David found a job at a vietnamese resto, but is changing from cook to waiter since he doesn't like the way that the cooks handle the stuff in the backstore (not cleaning stuff properly, etc.) Dave and I have decided to see each other max. 2 times a week. He's running on bus tickets and we're about an hour apart in transport. He's gonna be working full time and I've been gradually getting more hours at work *finally* Since I won't see Dave as often I don't see why I should keep up with my regular eating habits. I eat around him and that's what counts. I've been restricting already the past few days and I've been going down which I am happy about. I will be trying to fast or restrict severely with miirage starting tomorrow. The brave girl is doing a 10 day fast. I admire her. She's so smart, beautiful, and so giving. *sigh* so yea. Wednesday I was at 116, friday 113, and today at 112. Gotta love maniac ddr and working to burn those calories!
princess ;
x 6/26/2004 10:08:00 PM x
Wednesday, June 16, 2004 Heh. Well last night I found out that there is quite a high chance that I will be moving out on my own in summer 2005. OI
princess ;
x 6/16/2004 12:33:00 AM x
Tuesday, June 15, 2004 Life has been hell for the past few days. Dave's house and resto caught on fire last wednesday and I haven't been able to see him by himself in a while. He's sleeping now...poor thing
princess ;
x 6/15/2004 01:22:00 AM x
Wednesday, June 09, 2004 I haven't been online or gone on sani in quite a while. I feel really bad about me not losing weight and the scale not budging. I told miirage that I won't go on sani until I lost at least 10 pounds. Won't be easy, but I can do it. I am sick of being disgusted at myself. Ack. So much blubber on my stomach, arms, and thighs!
princess ;
x 6/09/2004 02:02:00 AM x
Thursday, May 20, 2004 I had my first day at Loblaws today. Goddam I never thought working at a grocery store was so bloody occupying. It's always continuous. Non-stop. I like it cause it keeps me busy and I have no time to waste just standing there like a fool. One thing that I have to get used to is FOUR PAGES of codes for fruits, vegetables, nuts, individual breads, packs of beer, water and juice.
princess ;
x 5/20/2004 11:36:00 PM x
Thursday, May 13, 2004 Boy do I have such luck. The message from scores was apparently for training that was gonna be today. Now I have to wait another week to see if there is still place there. I'm gonna have to go bring cvs and fill out applications once more tomorrow...
princess ;
x 5/13/2004 11:34:00 PM x
I handed out some cvs and filled out some applications before yesterday and I got a call from scores. LOL. I can't believe I got a call from there. It was on impulse when I applied. My mum and I were going on a "girl's night out" for bingo and food and we went to scores to get take-out. So yea, I have to call the guy back for 5pm and I hope that I have an interview. I'm gonna be selling chicken! www.scores.ca
princess ;
x 5/13/2004 02:23:00 PM x
Sunday, May 09, 2004 I'm a world of complaining in this department. Binge and purge woes. Ain't anything different going around here...-_-
princess ;
x 5/09/2004 03:16:00 AM x
Wednesday, May 05, 2004 I am still feeling somewhat shitty...yet again. Been having trouble sleeping, drinking booze almost on a nightly basis, even restricting again even more. I realised that I have many of these symptoms from here http://www.afterabortion.com/pass_details.html It isn't a legal term, but it does put a few of my "symptoms" at hand which at least I am happy that I know why I can't sleep...
princess ;
x 5/05/2004 11:39:00 PM x
Monday, May 03, 2004 "I got me a digi-scale ^_^ Me happy" that's from about a week ago. I've been feeling shitty once more. Bah. I've been sick on and off for almost 2 weeks now. At first I thought it was that i could be allergic to my bf's dog, even if I have a cat at home, but I guess that wasn't the case. I woke up this morning at home with THE worst sore throat I've had in a long long time, leaking nose like a damn faucet and sneezing like there was no tomorrow. I am getting really irratated about that. I went to china town again before yesterday and binged way too much. I told my bf that i don't want to go out to eat to china town again for a long long time and we should just go on special occasions. I don't have a lot of money to spend things on ESPECIALLY food. I woke up to the weight of 114.5 this morning. I saw that and just went back to bed and slept for another hour. I was so down. I feel a bit better now. I had some oatmeal with flax seed and soy milk to fill me up since I am going to the grocery store later with my mum and if I go there on an empty stomach I want to get everything possible! I didn't go rollerblading like I said I would cause it ended up raining. Damn spring showers. Never know when they'll show up. I will force myself to go outside and walk a bit at least that will be a start. I've been getting cramps like if i am starting my period, but I am only supposed to start in about 2 week or so. It's just so irratating. My chest hurts, I'm grumpy a lot and I barely want to be touched by anyone...
princess ;
x 5/03/2004 05:33:00 PM x
Tuesday, April 27, 2004 I've been helping Dave at the resto since last Thursday and it's been non-stop. Poor guy has been working almost 14 hours a day...thank god the parents are coming back friday or saturday! I had to rip fat off a few boiled chickens which sickened me to no end and now I don't want to eat chicken for a while. I just really REALLY grossed me out. I want to get a digital scale...prolly get one this week if I can get to wal-mart ^^'
princess ;
x 4/27/2004 05:53:00 PM x
Thursday, April 22, 2004 Tis 2:30 am and I am practically wide awake, there is nobody online to speak to, and there's nothing left to view in sani. I am BORED. I've played the sims which have bored me to no end lately...I just don't know what to do. I want to keep myself busy so I won't eat. Not easy!
princess ;
x 4/22/2004 02:30:00 AM x
Tuesday, April 20, 2004 Guess who has a new job? Mwaha. I feel like a godess right now! *giggles*. I got a job at a hair salon next to dave's house, the metro, the bus stop, energie cardio...it's THE best location! It's so neat! The girl who owns the place is also the only hairdresser there and I'll be the second and only other hairdresser! I won't be an assistant! I am so happy. I haven't been this happy in a long time. I am enrolling in energie cardio tomorrow. I had a pig out night with my friend kym while watching movies and I woke up at 118 this morning. EEPS. SO yea. There goes my star challenge with sani. I'm gonna get back on track! Ozzy is still missing. He ran out of the house on easter sunday. Some people in the neighborhood have seen him, but couldn't catch him. My mum has posted signs up everywhere and we hope to see him home soon. He really REALLY miss him.
princess ;
x 4/20/2004 10:22:00 PM x
Wednesday, April 14, 2004 So yes. It is raining cats and dogs outside so I couldn't go rollerblading. Shit ass weather. I am really tempted to try the chocolate diet. The way it works is that all you eat is chocolate. It must be a pain in the ass to taste chocolate all day, but rids of your morning coffee! You get all of your caffeine in there too LOL. I am making more and more orders online for my jewelry and I am extremely happy about it. I love creating things with my hands.
princess ;
x 4/14/2004 12:41:00 AM x
Sunday, April 11, 2004 I hate easter. So much food. Too much binging. I hate it hate it hate it. Tuesday I am starting the star challenge from sani and I desperately need to get this shit off of me. Goals...
*SIGH* Work sucks right now. I need to find another place to finally get a decent job. I'm doing Kym's hair tuesday in a week and hopefully they'll accept me. It's a tiny place right next to Dave's place which is even more convenient. Closer to home and his!
princess ;
*Only count calories from meat and if I end up taking dairy products. Veggies and fruits I won't be cause I need the vitamins. NO BREAD PRODUCTS! or minimal as possible.
*Rollerblading as much as humanly possible. I'm even gonna sign up and go to energie cardio if the job allows me to after all the hell is gonna get through.
*500 calorie max intake per day.
*Lose AT LEAST 5 pounds and get down to 110. Eventually I'll go lower if my chances are high
x 4/11/2004 11:14:00 PM x
Thursday, April 01, 2004 I wrote this earlier on my lunch break from work... I'm not happy today. I am not in a good mood. Ever since I've started taking the pill again I've felt shitty as ever. Gained 3 pounds in 3 days. There is no fucking way that I will gain like last time. Ballooned up to 135. What I've had today...
And you know what? It's 0:38am and I still feel shitty as ever.
princess ;
food-1 slice brown toast w/ margerine
-1 banana
-1 halvah bar (300cals)
drinks-diet nestea (0.6cals)
-small glass lite soy milk (100cals)
-1 coffee (25cals)
-1 medium hot chocolate
x 4/01/2004 12:39:00 AM x
Thursday, March 25, 2004 I don't post for a while cause the comp went kaboom. I finally get to go on sani and all hell breaks loose. 5 members leave, 1 of whom I am sad that she has. Secondly, kc's mum calls me tonight saying that she got brought to the hospital by ambulance last friday and that she's getting tests done. Nobody knows what she has and I am extremely worried. My mum tells me I should worry about my own little dillema I am having right now that I cannot speak of, but I cannot. KC is like a little sister that I never had. Well, like a second little sister I never had. Annie's my first little sister...anyways, I am going to visit her on friday and maybe saturday or sunday depending what the visiting hours are. It's kind of ironic. I wanted to get comfort by sani and I didn't get any. I didn't really ask for any. I'm just saddened and feel like if my "home" is falling apart -__-
princess ;
x 3/25/2004 12:08:00 AM x
Sunday, March 07, 2004 yay. another one of these things *Basic and Random*
princess ;
Your real name: Jennifer Charbonneau
Nicknames: Jen, Fire, Muffy
How old are you? 21
With who do you live with? mum and 2 cats
Where do you live? in lasalle, quebec, canada, in a duplex
Where else have you lived: rouyn noranda quebec...where I was born. I moved when I was 8 month old or so therefore I don't remember
Hair color: dark brown
Do you or have you ever dyed your hair?: always have it colored. Right now tis washed out black=reddish reflexion, and a bleached blonde chunky triangle
Hair length: bout 4 inches all over
Where would you like to live: japan
what do you do in your free time? chores, draw, write letters to fellow members, spend time with my sweetie
A typical day in your life: wake up, press snooze button 3456789 times, rush rush to take a shower and make some coffee, run for the bus to get to work, work for a few hours, get home and either go online or sleep.
In what do you usually spend more money: I have to spend 31$ a month for my metro/bus pass, but lately 3/4 of my free time on my lunch hours I'm always in the dollarstore gettign knicknacks
Describe your room: There used to be a pic somewhere...but I can't find it. Has someone deleted it?
who are your closest friends?
shannon~she's rather outgoing, but shy at the same time. Really funny and always great to hang out with.
giulio~he has an ed like I do(ana) and he trains like mad with martial arts. He even teaches a class!
david~yea yea. He's my bf. so what?! lol. he's caring, attentive, and can always make you crack a smile on your worst days
Do you like your hand writing?no I don't like it. I wish it didn't look so messy and common
What did you do today:worked and am now vegging in front of the comp
biggest fears: being alone
tell us something you did that you'll never forget: My bf and I had sex 4 times unprotected this month...am I a risky bitch? fuck yea
what sort of person are in real life? I'm shy to people I don't know and when I'm feeling calm, hyper and talkative as hell when I've had too much sugar
your 3 best phisical features: eyes, ears, and legs
3 best qualities: punctual, honest, and perfectionnist
your resolutions this year:I don't remember...maybe getting down to 100? My mind is lost at the moment!
are you in school? college? uni? work? I work as an assistant in a hair salon and also a hairdresser
if you work: in what?points above
Are you a good student? I was in gym and anything creative...everything else no
What is your talent? creating things with my hands.
favorite subjects: art, music, biology
collect anything?containers so that I can modify them later
are you messy or tidy? organised mess :P
have a pet? 2 cats: OZZY AND GIZMO
have siblings? do you get along with them? i have a younger bro Vincent who's 19. I get along with him alright, but do take note he now lives with my dad.
are you close to your family?i'd like to be
what would you like to change about yourself?be less negative towards myself
do you have kids? want kids? what names would you like for them? OI. kids. I'd be a baby producing machine! LOL. I definately want kids. At least 3. For girl names I like : Amelia, selene, Zakia, selphie, willow, paige. For boy names I like Iori, Zell, Zachary, Lucian, Soren
eye color? dark brown, but green with contacts ^_^
do you workout regularly? Sadly I don't. sometimes in the summer I work out a few times a week to rollerblade, but rollerblading in the snow is a wee bit hard in the winter
stuff you do as soon as you wake up: push cats off of bed, then go brush teeth and take shower
stuff you do before going to bed: feed cats, brush hair and put leave in conditioner
worst habit:forgetting to floss, picking at fingers
best habit: recycle
do you like to write with a pen or pencil? if a pen, what color?pen. mostly purple, red, black, or pink
are you into girlie stuff or are you more of a tomboy? girly...but not pink tutu girly
*Favorites*
Favorite hobby:making jewelry
Favorite type of music:techno/trance
Favorite movie/movies:stargate, emperor's new groove, underworld
Favorite color/colors:black, med/dark pink, burgundy, blood red
Favorite TV Shows: csi and csi miami, law and order
Day of the week and why: mondays. cause i know everyone else has to work or go to school and i don't!
Favorite Season: autumn
Favorite Month: May
Favorite Fruit: Pineapple
Favorite Veggie: snow peas
Favorite Sport: volleyball
Favorite Sports team: none
Favorite Male Athlete: *shrugs*
Favorite Female Athlete: *shrugs*
Favorite Actress: kate beckinsale
Actor: keanu reeves
Favorite Web site: www.pvponline.com
Favorite Food: sushi
Favorite Drink: lichi bubble tea
Favorite Band: evanescence, garbage
Favorite Male singer: sting, uh can't think of any more
Favorite Female singer: gwen stephani, bif naked
Favorite Animal: rat
Favorite Store: kokawai and omer dessers
Radio station: 95.9
Room in your house: comp room
Concert you have been to: backstreet boys in 98
Favorite CD: moby~ play
Favorite Salad: tuna
Favorite Meat: eggs and fish for me
Favorite Place to be: in my bf's arms *snuggle*
Favorite Smell: fresh rain
Favorite Sound: crackling fire
Favorite Taste: sushi and ginger together *drools*
Favorite Feeling: relieving yourself after holding your pee in for sooooooooo long
Favorite Letter: k
Favorite Number: 5
Favorite Book: harry potter series
Favorite Vacation spot: florida? tis the only place i've been to
Favorite Cereal: musslix
Favorite Ice cream flavor: anything coffee like....but not milk
Flower: orchid
Cartoon: power puff girls and sailor moon
*Love Life*
Do you have a crush: yea my bf
Whats his or her name: david
How old are they: 21
How long have you liked him or her: 1 year and 2 months
If you could kiss anyone in the world, who would it be: already kissed him ^_^
If you could date anyone in the world, who would it be: dating him
What is the biggest turn off: farts
What is the biggest turn on: smiles
Do you prefer being the dumper or the dumpee: dumper
Do you think there is a person for everyone: yes. soulmates man!
If yes, do you know who yours is: davey boooooooooo
Where is the best place to be kissed: neck and lower back
Where is the most romantic place to take a date: side of the water
Do you believe in love at first sight: not really
Have you ever been in love: am now
What do you think love is: taking a cup of hot chocolate on a cold day
Do you have a b/f or g/f: yep
Do you want one: already do
How long have you been together: 8 months
What do you like about your crush or b/f, g/f: he's sensitive, funny, honest, caring, and snuggle
When was your first kiss: june 03
Are you a virgin? if not, when did you lose your virginity? lost it to my first bf at 16
Best place you've had sex: shower
weirdest place you've had sex: kitchen table
favorite sexual position: me on top mwahaha
do you watch porn movies? nope
ever had a one night stand? heeeeeelll no
*EDS and other disorders*
Since when do you have an eating disorder: 14
what eating disorder: ana and used to be mia. purge free since summer of 03
are you in therapy? ever had therapy in the past? did/has it helped? never had therapy for ana cause nobody knew about it. Had it for si-ing though. Helped for the first few years, but slowly crept back
other diagnosis you've had:self-mutilator
Goal Weight:100
Lowest weight:111
Ever been inpatient for your ed, depression, etc: nope
do you want to recover: some days I do, others I don't. I change every day
ever been caught [eds or cutting]: nope
physical problems because of ed: not yet...
do you know why you have an ed?yes
do you know why you have SI, Depression, etc: yes
what meds do you take? none
does anyone know about your ed/si/depression/etc: 5 people including my bf know about my ed and si. Only my friend alex knows about me si early this past january. Sadly my bf didn't know
secret behaviours related to your ed(si/depression/etc): like any of us, no eating unless in front of people (most of the time).
do you think self help is useful? sometimes
best ed book you've read: still on my to do list
best ed movie you've watched: saw one many full moons back, but never knew the name...didn't see the whole thing either since my mum changed the channel.
movie/book (ed or si related) you want to read or watch but haven't been able to: all of the stuff people have been recommending on sani.
are you a clutterer? or do you throw away anything you don't need inmediatey: always. I keep containers which one day I'll eventually repaint or do something with them.
do you keep anything that has sentimental value? most important sentimental gifts or things or journals you have: little journal with my friend's addy on them. nothing of sentimental value though
*Have you ever*
Smoked: nope
Been Drunk: yea
Been high: no
Done drugs: smoked one puff of dope when drunk as hell
Skinny dipped: no
Partied until the sun came up: ya
Stole: no
Stayed up all night on the internet: ya
Met someone off the internet (in person): yep. kcisana!
Been in a fist fight: yea in elementary school
Been in a cat fight: no
Wanted to kill someone: not seriously
Fell off a chair: last week
Kissed the same sex: yea
Had feelings for the same sex: just a crush
Lap danced: yea
Attempted Suicide: too many times...
*Do you like (and what if you can be more specific)*
makeup: yea. more dark contrasting shades or even gothic like. Losta eyeshadow and black liner and thickening black mascara
clothes: anything black
stickers: love em stickers! :ok:
jewelery: not bling bling like, but more robust style
x 3/07/2004 11:35:00 PM x
I haven't posted in ages because I know that I would keep complaining about the endless shit that has happened to me. Hencing my previous post that was only a phrase long. Instead for today are my results from http://www.ColorQuiz.com/ . Scary enough this is the only online test that has EVER been so acurate about me Your Existing Situation Needs, and insists on having, a close and understanding relationship, or
Your Stress Sources The existing situation is disagreeable. Feels lonely and uncertain as
Your Restrained Characteristics Distressed by the obstacles with which she is faced and is no mood for
Feels that she is receiving less than her share and that
Your Desired Objective Desires a tranquil, peaceful state of harmony offering quiet contentment
Your Actual Problem Disappointment at the non-fulfillment of her hopes and the fear that to
Your Actual Problem #2 Wants to be valued and respected, and seeks this from a close and
princess ;
at least some method of satisfying a compulsion to feel identified.
she has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards
are as high as her own, and wants to stand out from the rank and file.
This sense of isolation magnifies the need into a compelling urge, all
the more upsetting to her self-sufficiency because of the restraint she
normally imposes on herself. Since she wants to demonstrate the unique
quality of her own character, she tries to suppress this need for others
and affects an attitude of unconcerned self-reliance to conceal her fear
of inadequacy, treating those who criticize her behavior with contempt.
However, beneath this assumption of indifference she really longs for
the approval and esteem of others.
any form of activity or for further demands on her. Needs peace and
quiet, and the avoidance of anything which might distress her
further.
there is no one on whom she can rely for sympathy and understanding.
Pent-up emotions and a certain egocentricity make her quick to take
offense, but she realizes that she has to make the best of things as
they are.
and a sense of belonging.
formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted
in considerable anxiety. She is trying to escape from this into a
peaceful and harmonious relationship, protecting her from
dissatisfaction and lack of appreciation.
peaceful association of mutual esteem.
x 3/07/2004 07:23:00 PM x
Thursday, February 19, 2004
princess ;
I feel like a repulsive piece of shit that is also a walking contradiction.
x 2/19/2004 01:44:00 AM x
Wednesday, February 11, 2004 Yea yea. Haven't updated in a while. It's not like if anyone actually takes THEIR precious time to read about MY problems and stupid silly things that happen in MY life. This is a little funny convo that I was having with KT/Cyberstar tonight while a little accident happened... me: i remember a girl in highschool loved to do that and she borrowed every book of the library to do everyone of em
Food wise...I've been off of junk food for almost 2 weeks I believe. I'm still restricting, and I want to continue. I want to thin out. It's sad at the same time. I don't want to be the main star of attraction, but I also want people to feel bad for me. I'm one sick fuck.
princess ;
Andromeda says:wow.
me:but you see, even if she didn't say it, she had an ed too
me: she was an exchange student from germany
Andromeda says:how did you know?
me:and she didn't want to gain weight from being here. she would walk to the gym (bout 1Hour and a half)
me: she lost at least 40 pounds from being here
me:and I heard her speaking to one of my "friends" from highschool on purging
me: she had this bracelet that was for scuba diving. When I met her it was real tight. At the end of the school year, she could put it to her elbow
me:and she'd be restricting like mad. she'd have a carrot with a slice of lettuce around it for her meal of the day
Andromeda says: wow
Andromeda says:sounds good. yum.
me:once we went to wal mart and she had a small box of chocolates. she said that she was allowed to eat these since she lost enough calories for that week
me:lol yea
me:so yea
me:i kept telling her and she kept saying "i have nothing" or kept the excuse cause she was an exchange student
me:damn I wish I had THAT excuse
Andromeda says:LOL
Andromeda says:I want to be an exchange student
Andromeda says:I have been planning it for years
me:I'd have trouble...
me:me not a student anymore
Andromeda says:LOL
me:that being my main concern
Andromeda says:you can do it in college
me:i'm done college
me:somewhat
Andromeda says:pfffft
Andromeda says:no one's done with college
Andromeda says:lool
Andromeda says:lol*
me:yea
me:i quit college
me:and went into a professionnal program
Andromeda says:fun
me:shit!!!!!!!!!!!
Andromeda says:hm?
me:i had a candle on top of the kitty box (plastic covering) and it caught on fire!!!!!!
Andromeda says:omilord
Andromeda says:LOL
Andromeda says:take a picture!
Andromeda says:hahaha
me:now there's a huge whole on top of the kitty box
me:my mum is gonna be saying what the fuck happened here!
Andromeda says:*is cracking up like mad*
me:I couldn't put the fire out so I spit in it and the glass broke in half
me:it's not funny!
me:one minute it was fine, the next BOOM!
Andromeda says:Yes it is
me:I had a few inscence sticks in the candel wax and they caught fire
me:damn
Andromeda says:My mom thinks I'm nuts
me:?
Andromeda says:I'm laughing at a computer
Andromeda says:LOL
Andromeda says:Not to mention I have that cat picture up right now
me:there's smoke everywhere
me:brb
Andromeda says:eep
me:back
me:goddam
Andromeda says:got it out?
me:the fire was out when I wrote to you
Andromeda says:oh
me:tryign to take smoke out...
Andromeda says:LOL
me:my mum's asleep
Andromeda says:yeeeep
me:but if she wakes up cause of the smell
Andromeda says:for how long?
me:burn plastic
Andromeda says:iiick
me:hmmmm yummy
me:for bout 2 hours
Andromeda says:
you burned it for TWO HOURS?
chill me, thrill me, fullfill me, and then leave me the hell alone says:the candle about
Andromeda says:ooooh
me:but not let it burn to a crisp for two hours are you NUTS? lol
Andromeda says:I thought you meant the catbox
Andromeda says:lol
x 2/11/2004 01:37:00 AM x
Tuesday, February 03, 2004 Lately many things have been irratating me. The thought of eating of course, but comments made by people I thought cared about me as well. Maybe they just didn't know or it just slipped out of their mouths. Some of course don't know about my problem, but the ones that do it's as if they purposely said certain things. It hurts me inside cause I can't lash back out at them. I have too much of a good heart for that. I also feel that if I would end up lashing out at them they would start crying or swearing or just mouthing off at me defending themselves. Or even end up asking more questions. I hate it when they ask questions. Don't they know it makes it much more worse than it already is? On another note I finally found a job. It's at Blue Earth downtown. I am an assistant for now, but I am a hairdresser on sundays until I learn the necessary abilities of the different hair colouring products since they are different from the ones I used at school. I am also looking for a part/full time job that is possibly night shift cause I am litterally bored off of my ass. Going to work in a salon for me is like doing artwork at home or just going to school. I am enjoying it so much that it doesn't feel like work. Anywho, I applied to café depot downtown (2 metro stations away from Blue Earth) for night shift. They were pleased to hear that I knew how to make the basic coffees like expresso, cafe latte, cappuccino, and mochacinno. They said they would call me this week. If they don't I'll pass again or call them to see what's up. I really want this job ^_^
princess ;
x 2/03/2004 02:16:00 AM x
Monday, January 19, 2004 Got a poem found on brokenfaerie's site. Thank you!
princess ;
x 1/19/2004 05:49:00 AM x
I've FINALLY updated some stuff, including my template. Ain't it pre-tty? Ain't my poem or the template itself. Got it at blogskin.com. They have pretty nifty stuff there, but you really have to go looking for what you want if you'd like something different than the usual blogger skins. I need to create a poem...I really suck at writing stories, so you can image how bad I am with poems! Maybe I'll find one in sani. I'll be back.
princess ;
x 1/19/2004 05:32:00 AM x
This is quite interesting. It's 4 am and I'm getting tired. Yea. Not THAT interesting. The fact that I found THE song that I've been looking for for years is thrilling! I practically jumped out of my chair when I heard it. Me quite happy. It's Tree Frog by Chris Sheppard. Of course when I was looking for the song I had no clue what the title or the artist was so I was just looking by what you hear in the song. Testing each song I downloaded. So Happy! The first and only time that I heard this song I was in grade 3...so that's around 11 years or so. It's about damn time! Going to dim sum with the gang later today. I am deathly afraid of what I am going to eat. I haven't eaten in two days, just a liquid fast. So far lost 3 pounds in 2 days which is good. I know it isn't permanent, but if only I wasn't going to dim sum! I don't want to let Howard down. He's such a nice person and a lot of people don't take into realisation that he does so much for everyone without taking anything back in return. I'll just have steamed veggies and maybe a bit of meat. Very little.
princess ;
x 1/19/2004 04:09:00 AM x
Saturday, January 17, 2004 These are some of my pet peeves: Having to repeat myself to others.
princess ;
People skipping in front of lines to meet their friends. hello that's cheating! grr.
Tags sticking out of shirts.
People sapping their food, slurping on their soup, the "shing" noise when the fork scracthes a plate, elbows on the table.
Feeling like binging on food that I don't even like. Just for the texture...like crunchiness or softness of the food.
Not having lipbalm on hand.
Not being able to listen to my music when i NEED to in desprate measures.
Having too many "unsafe" foods to pick from when it's meal time.
Friends and family asking too many irrelevant questions, or mostly about me. Even if they don't know about my ed.
x 1/17/2004 03:32:00 PM x
Sunday, January 11, 2004 I've been gone for a while. Things have happened. Mostly the famous "chalet trip". There are the pros and cons, good and bad, and whatever. I'll put the more happier events or thoughts first cause good news is always nice to hear first. PROS OR GOOD THINGS/THOUGHTS *Compliments on how good my cooking was and actually asking for the recipe on cookies.
CONS OR THINGS THAT PISSED ME OFF *People saying they would help cook and didn't even do BULLSHIT. They'd ask when we'd be serving soup if they could do anything. They damn well knew it was too fucking late to do that.
I just plainly hated the chalet. People asking too many questions about stupid irrelevant things and being lazy asses the whole time. They actually went and bought MORE food on the second or third day there even though the cupboard was filled with bread, but they wanted BAGELS. Damn. And they took pre-cut bagels. Prolly over 2 bucks a bag each. Got 3 bags. They don't take the cheapest of things either. Nothing in the cupboard that they had bought from the market was cheap. No wonder Lizzie was freaking out on money. She waned uber expensive lazy assed pre-cut, microwavable shit so all the work they'd have to do was walk to the kitchen for 2 minutes and not give a fucking shit about the so called "kitchen bitches" doing the right and mature responsible acts.
princess ;
*Got to go swimming, use sauna,whirpool, and ice skating.
*Got to sit next to a pretty fire.
*Got to see some people that I haven't been able to in a while.
*Cooked for everyone for hours and get complaints about the chicken not being cooked enough cause of an incompetant oven. I'm glad Scott barked at Liz for her excuse of not having more chicken.
*Saw naked women in the locker rooms complaining they just got their period and didn't have tampons. Gross.
*Ran out of wood. Bought more wood. Ran out of wood again. Went to steal some from neighbours. The heating stops cause of broken wire of some sort and nobody bothers to call the hotel until about 3 hours before we have to leave.
*Actually got to bed at a reasonable time on the last night at 10pm and wake up at around 3 am in the morning freezing cold and seeing our breath. Creep into the fireplace and try to sleep without luck.
*I don't go out to the spa, or horseback riding to keep the 40$ that I initially brought ONLY for the transportation home since I didn't have any. Apparently there was no bus and I found this out on the last 2 days there and missed all of the goods. People kept asking me and saying blah blah blah shit that was pissing me off so much that I just wanted to rip their fucking heads off.
*Sure I didn't do any dishes. I had the damn right not to as well as Dave, Howard, and Scott, but unfortunately they ended up doing some of it. The people that I have never even touch a dirty plate was Genevieve, Lizzie, Elizabeth, and Cat. And THEY were the ones that didn't want me and dave to be kitchen bitches this year. HAH.
x 1/11/2004 09:46:00 PM x
Wednesday, December 31, 2003 "This is fun, it came from TF, which was taken from a diary. lol
01. I smoke cigarettes
princess ;
Basically, bold anything on the list that applies to you." by cyberstar in sanitarium ^_^
02. I love campy things (if i understand the meaning correctly, yeah!)
03. I always wear mascara
04. I love vintage jewelry
05. I am highly emotional (i don't think "emotional" is the right word...)
06. I am bisexual [but lean towards lesbian most of the time]
07. My favorite holiday is Halloween
08. I have no religious affiliation
09. I usually have the TV on in the background for "comfort"
10. I like listening to other people
11. I find the silliest and most stupid things hilarious
12. I love comments
13. Fall is an excellent season
14. I prefer trains and busses to driving
15. I want to learn how to play piano
16. I like cats
17. I love shoes
18. I am hooked on the Amazon.com wishlist feature because it reminds me of things I want to eventually buy
19. I worry about irrational things
20. I hate social labels of any kind
21. I am prone to colds
22. I have such a terrible sense of direction I sometimes get lost in my own neighborhood.
23. I dye my hair regularly
24. I have a cell phone
25. I want to learn many languages
26. I have experimented with many drugs
27. The only late night television show i like is "Late Night with Conan O'Brien"
28. I'm generous when i like people
29. Strangers always make conversation with me
30. I am very nostalgic
31. The only facial feature I like about myself is my nose
32. I've never been in a motorcycle wreck
33. I have never traveled out of the country
34. I love writing letters on lined paper
35. I have never been to Europe
36. I am often unmotivated
37. I've lived in NYC for my whole life, yet I have never visited the statue of liberty
38. I am a very passionate person
39. I can often easily find beauty in everyone (not EVERYONE, but most)
40. Small talk really pisses me off (but "pisses me off" isn't the word i'd use... i have a limited tolerance for small talk. which is why i often post things like these )
41. I collect cigarette boxes.
42. I often feel like I'm living a different life than the one I was supposed to be living.
43. I have at least one scar
44. I usually stay up until the wee hours of the morning
45. I think that funny men are the sexiest men alive
46. I have never been in love, but, lust is no stranger to me at all.
47. I went through a pretty heavy Goth stage once
48. I oftentimes feel like my life plays out like a really bad, stupid movie that no one would go see
49. I have kissed a girl
50. I've seen snow before
51. We have cable
52. I would rather be very cold than very hot
53. One of my favorite books is Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
54. I've never had cancer
55. I never ever get enough sleep
56. I have my lip & nose pierced
57. I have asthma
58. Suburban, mainstream, strip-malled "middle America" scares the crap out of me. Really.[amen to that.]
59. I want to travel around the world
60. People think I'm very amusing...or something
61. My first crush ever was Madonna
62. I have over 100 CD's. [including my parents']
63. I really need to quit smoking soon
64. "Family Guy" is my favorite cartoon of all time
65. I went to the same junior high school as my mother and grandfather
66. I don't miss high school, at ALL
67. I am forever intrigued by good artists/painters
68. I see the many flaws in society, but, I am way too lazy to care
69. I wish I was a good writer
70. I am a night person
71. My desktop is a picture of Björk (guess again)
72. I have decent handwriting
73. I love having long conversations
74. Animals like me
75. I love kissing. Sometimes it's better than sex.
76. CIA stands for CHRISTMAS IS AWESOME!
77. I have a corset. [bustier]
78. homestarrunner.com. 'Nuff said.
79. All my life, people have told me that I look like Christina Ricci.
80. I am on medications
81. Drag Queens are fabulous
82. I usually feel about 20 years older than I actually am (maybe not 20...)
83. I started to talk at roughly 1 years old
84. I have 3 kittens
85. Elliott Smith makes me weep
86. I get paranoid about things
87. I have short, stubby fingers, and I hate em.
88. I am extremely moody, and my mood can change in a blink of an eye.
89. "I'm having a barbeque this weekend". is a phrase I have never said and probably will never say.
90. I love my real friends more than anything on this planet
91. I think straight guys making out is extremely sexy
92. I sing very well, and I have won awards and contests with my singing abilities
93. Best Canadians ever: The Kids in the Hall (sorry, degrassi)
94. I HATE winter
95. I cannot watch scary movies alone
96. The most annyoing songs are always stuck in my head
97. I love to cook
98. I like list making
99. My father and I were very close when I was a little girl
100. I love coffee.
x 12/31/2003 04:27:00 AM x
Sunday, December 28, 2003 I hate x-mas binges. It's horrible. Too much food everywhere I go and I "have" to eat it to make the others happy. Piss off. I need to do something about this
princess ;
x 12/28/2003 06:54:00 PM x
Friday, December 26, 2003 Yea...boxing day is killer downtown of montreal. I waited 25 minutes in line at la senza to buy a bra, fought myself through 3 shoe stores to find a pair that pleased me, and almost fainted of too much heat! So many people! *today*
I'm SO freaking about tomorrow and the rest of the holidays. I'm not eating unless in the presence of other people and even then. There is no way in hell that I am going to become the fat lardass of 145 pounds from last year. Not unless someone kills me or something. I need to find a bathing suit for the chalet. My old one is too big. I looked for one at the bay but they were 50 bucks and up. Sheesh. Howcome they're so expensive now??? I need to find one pronto. I want to go swimming!
princess ;
-iced coffee latte with 2 packs of raw sugar
-1 slim fast drink with concoction of pills: 2 eucalyptus-2 echinacea-4 seaweed-1 cranberry-1 multivitamin-1 B6
x 12/26/2003 10:46:00 PM x
Sunday, December 21, 2003 Found this on chilled2perfection's journal... ANOREXIA NERVOSA LYRICS
princess ;
Time of puberty
Age of quandary
Sorrow and worries
Disagreement
Predicament
I enigmatize
Weakness overcomes my body, my brain's so empty
I lose my appetite, day in day out
My body's deeply marked, I'm undernourished
Mental changes, my mind is splitting
Inferiority complexes, time to confess
Pride and power, is giving me the hunger
Depr4ession and apathy, is changing my spirit
Time to go hungry
It gives me great joy
Pleasure and satisfaction
To fight against
My hunger pangs
Gives me pride
Feeling of sheer terror
To see me in the mirror
I could be so fat
Every pound I lose
Helps me on the course
To my sheer perfection
I don't realize how bad my body's feeling
My eyes see only my perfect slim body
But really I'm a half-starved skeleton
x 12/21/2003 08:00:00 PM x
Friday, December 19, 2003 Almost exactly an hour later I am finally finished with my essay! I am so happy that it is over that I shall show it to you all mwaahahhaa. Hope you can read french! Mon expérience a été bien et mauvais une partie du temps. La première semaine était horrible et je voulais tout arrêter immédiatement et ne jamais voir un autre être humain. Après avoir parlé avec mon prefesseur et mon petit ami ils m`ont convaincu de continuer à y aller et de ne pas tout laisser tomber. Je me suis persuadée que le stage n`était la pire épreuve de ma carrière et qu`avec le temps ca va seulement devenir mieux en mieux. Les tâches que j`ai effectuées étaient le service à la clientèle qui consistait de nettoyer/traiter leurs cheveux, leur offrir un brevage, et ensuite de l`asseoir à la station de leur styliste. Quand il y avait aucun client a être servi la vaiselle devait être nottoyé, des cheveux balayé du plancher, et des serviettes et sarots à être ramassé du vestier et de la chambre de bain. Les équipements utilisées durant ma formation était le lavabo et la machine à expresso. J`ai appris comment faire des expresso, cafés au lait, cappuccino, mochaccino, cafés allongés, et le meilleur chocolat chaud qui peut exister. Mon estime de soi était pas de mon meilleur durant mes jours chez Orbite. À l`èxterieur je souriait, mais à l`interieur j`étais fatigué, triste, faché, découragé, et malade. Je voulais souvent monter l`esprit de mon entourage pour me sentir plus à l`aise. Quand je passais les stylistes sur mon temps libre je leur demandais quelque chose a boire pour remonter leur moral et ils étaient contents que je montrait de l`interèt a eux. Mes forces au début de mon stage était que j`apprennait vite et je retiennait ce que je devait faire. Mes faiblesses étaient l`initiation, ma vitesse, et que je prennais tout trop personellement. Une journée Nathalie (ma responable) m`a prit par le bras pour me dire un mot pendant que je prennait la commande d`un client d`un styliste pour un brevage. Elle m`a dit que je faisait pas un bon travail et qu`il fallait que j`agisse plus vite. J`ai lâcher en lui disant que je ne pouvait pas me diviser en trois personnes pour faire tout ce quelle désir. Elle était surprise que je lui ai repondu d`une telle manière ainsi que toute la semaine je n`ai rien dit. Je le gardait tout a moi, pleurait et boudait dans la chambre de bain. Ma nouvelle acquis c`est que j`ai appris de ne pas prendre les affaires si personellement et j`ai améliorer la vitesse donc avec les shampooings et la vaiselle. J`ai reçu une haute formation d`un des plus gros salons de coiffure à Montréal. Orbite à treize stylistes et quatre coloristes. Tout doit être fait d`une rapidité supérieure ainsi que ca roule beaucoup. Le shampooing doit être fait en moins de 3 minutes et cela inclus le massage! Envoyer le client à son styliste et ensuite faire son brevage avec la machine a expresso. Le maximum de service en très peut de temps. Je voudrais poursuivre dans un salon moderne mais moins chaotique qu` Orbite. Avoir plus d`une relation avec le client et d`être proche d`eux dans un plus petit salon. J`aime la couleur et le stylisme, mais je favorise le metier de coloriste ainsi qu`il me permet de jouer mon imagination et ma créativité.
princess ;
x 12/19/2003 05:23:00 AM x
It's 4:20 am and I am re-writing a good copy in french of my stage experience. Here is the crappy version non-edited what-so-ever in english! My experience has been good and bad at times. The first week was horrible and I wanted to quit on the spot and never see a human being again. After talking it out with my teacher and my boyfriend (petit ami) they had convinced me that I had to keep going and not to give up. I convinced myself that stage is only the worst part of my whole career and after that it can only get better. The tasks done were taking care of the clients which are of cleaning/treating their hair, serving them a drink, and seating them. When there were no clients to be taken care of there were dishes to be cleaned, hair to be swept from the floor, and towels and cloaks to be picked up from the changing room and washroom. The equipments that I have used during my formation was the sink and the expresso machine. I have learned a whole new technique of washing and untangling hair. I have also learned how to make an expresso, cafe au lait, cappuccino, mochaccino, cafe allonge, and one mean hot chocolate. I have tried to be in the best of my temper during the whole stage. I wanted to appear happy even if I was tired, sad, angry, dissapointed, and sick. I always wanted to cheer others up even if I wasn't feeling the same. When I would pass by some of the stylists on my free time I would offer them something to drink to spice them up and they were glad that I was paying attention to them. My strengths at the start of the stage is that I learn quickly and that I memorise what to do. My weaknesses were that I didn't which order to start things from, slowness, and that I would take things too personally. Nathalie (responsable) had grabbed my arm once when she wanted to talk to me while I was listening to the stylist give me an order for a drink. She said that I wasn't doing my job properly and that I had to act fast. I blurted out that I didn't have 3 bodies to fling all over the place to do as she desired. She was surprised that I had talked back at her since most of the formation I would take everything inside and sulk in the washroom. My new strength is that I have been able to get a backbone and attained speed in cleaning hair and cleaning dishes. I recieved a high formation from one of the largest salons in montreal. Orbite has 13 hairdressers and 4 colourists and assistant colourists. Everything must be done extremely fast, almost inhumane at first. Client is recieved at the bench. Must do 2 shampoos and a possible conditioning treatment in less than 3 minutes and then forward the client into the stylist's chair asking if he or she would like to have something to drink. If so, make the cappucino from the expresso machine as fast as you can in the smallest place possible with maybe 2 other people in the way. Serve the client. When there are no clients: sweep the floor, clean up the changing room of cloaks and towels, check the loo for towels and replace kleenex and toilet paper if needed, clean stylists posts when clients have left, clean dishes. I would like to persue into an average sized salon with a moderate high class of style. A homey kind of place where I could communicate with the client more and not like a factory. I would like to become a colourist and a hairdresser, but if i had the choice I would become a colourist.
princess ;
x 12/19/2003 04:17:00 AM x
princess ;
I am: HIGH ON CAFFEINE
I love: MY BF DAVID
I hate: THE TRANSIT SYSTEM
I fear: GETTING BIG
I hope: I WILL SUCCEED
I hear: MY MUSIC
I crave: SLEEP
I regret: EATING/STARVING
I cry: TOO OFTEN
I care: TOO MUCH AT TIMES
I always: PICK AT MY FINGERS
I believe: IN LOVE
I feel alone: TOO OFTEN
I listen: TO MY HEART
I hide: IN MY COVERS
I drive: LIKE A MADWOMAN...IN A BUMPER CAR
I sing: LIKE A HYENA
I write: NOT THAT GREAT
I run: NOT ENOUGH
I miss: BEING UNDER 10
I learn: FROM EVERYONE
I feel: CHALLENGED
I know: NOT ENOUGH
I say: MUMBLED WORDS
I succeed: IN HAIRCOLOUR
I dream: OF RAIN
I wonder: IF I WILL EVER BE ALRIGHT
I want: A HUG
I have: MY TRUE LOVE
I give: TO MANY
I recieve: FROM FEW
I fight: WHEN NEEDED
I need: TO FAST
I was: WEAK
I want to: BE STRONGER
x 12/19/2003 02:24:00 AM x
Thursday, December 18, 2003 After a few days of rest Jen is finally back in action..well, for now that is. I found out the hard way that stress, lack of sleep, and too much work causes exaustion, hallucinations, and catching the flu. I hated this week. I started my period on the night of the 10th and here I am on the wee hours of the 18th and it's still flowing. Piss off. The first few days were way too overloaded and now it's lighter, but still annoying. I never had it longer than 5 days before. I also knicked my arm on something earlier and it won't stop bleeding. weird.
princess ;
x 12/18/2003 12:47:00 AM x
Wednesday, December 10, 2003 For those who read my blog. I am terribly sorry if I have offended you in any way, but this blog is my only way of venting out my feelings at the moment without putting a knife to my skin. I am trying to get better, but whenever something happens it keeps getting worse and worse. My problems with trust has partially come back and I have to work at it. Life is hard and I have to deal with it.
princess ;
x 12/10/2003 12:53:00 PM x
I am really deprived of energy. Either I'm eating, sleeping, or working. Or even barely moving around. I am so exausted. I thought with 4 days rest I would be able to recuperate. Maybe it's cause I haven't had coffee in 4 days too ^^'
princess ;
x 12/10/2003 12:06:00 PM x
Sunday, December 07, 2003
princess ;
1. Current Height: 5"3.5
2. Current Weight: last time I weighed myself was over a week ago and I was at 116
3. Current BMI: 20.5
4. Lowest weight at current height: 111 I miss that day
5. Highest weight at current height: 145
6. Pant size: 5 and 7
7. Top size: small and medium
8. Have you ever been diagnosed with an eating disorder? nope
9. How often do you weigh yourself? used to every morning. afraid to now
10. Have you cried after weighing yourself/ trying on clothes? trying on clothes. not cried, but almost ripped them off
11. If you could have any body type, what would you choose? at least get to a B sized cup and get a flat stomach. Have a more womanly figure
12. What type do you have: weird A sized cup , plumpy stomach, and no womanly shape whatsoever
13. How happy would you say you are with your body as it is right at this moment? if i don't look at it i am fine. i look at my stomach and I grab it hoping i could grab all of the fat off of it
14. Have you been made fun of because of your weight? my brother had constantly bugged me during highschool
15. Did it contribute to how you feel about yourself now? heck yea. that's how i thought all guys thought about my body
16. Does it take you a long time to find something that looks halfway decent on you? yea. i'm short and no womanly figure. see the problem
17. If you could snap your fingers and make yourself any weight, what number would you choose? 99
18. What celebrity, in your opinion, has the perfect body? angelina jolie *drools*
19. Other than physical appearance, how do you feel about yourself? alright
20. Do you think you'd be happier about yourself if you were comfortable with your weight? heck yea
Choose: The "perfect" body or inner peace? I can't choose. I want both
x 12/07/2003 11:26:00 PM x
bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeh BASICS~~~~~~~~~~
princess ;
~your name: Jennifer
~nickname: firegirl or muffin
~birthday: november 11, 1982
~zodiac sign: the fierce scorpio
~color of eyes: reddish brown
~color of hair: washed out red.
~age: 21
~sex: FFFFFFFF
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~HAVE YOU EVER...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~been in love: right now actually ^_^
~gone out in public in your pajamas: pj day at school
~cheated on a b/f or g/f:hell no
~kept a secret from everyone: yea
~had an imaginary friend: no
~imaginary friends names: n/a
~wanted to hook up with a friend: been there done that
~cried during a movie: yea
~had a crush on a teacher?: ew no
~done something to impress your crush: yea
~found a cartoon character attractive: yea darien from sailor moon lol
~gotten in a car accident: somewhat. a car was trying to park and kinda ran over my big toe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~FAVORITES...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~shampoo: l'oreal professional intense repair.
~day/night: night
~band or singer: garbage
~type(s) of music: techno
~Boxers/briefs: briefs
~eye color on the opp. sex: green and brown
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~OTHER STUFF...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~do you have a crush: hah yea. dave duh
~do you play a musical instrument: used to : clarinet
~do you have a job, if yes, what: hair dresser assistant. I get to wash people's hair and clean up stuff *twirls finger in air*
~do you have a best friend: yea
~who's your funniest friend: shannon
~who do you go to the mall with the most: chantal
~who do you e-mail the most: chantal
~who's the loudest at Sani: *shrugs*
~who's the shyest at Sani: *shrugs* maybe me?
~Most Likely To PM for advice: dollshape or kcisiana(fred)
~Mosy Likely cry with: dave
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~IN THE LAST 24 HOURS...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~cried: nope
~helped someone: helped a woman with her baby carrier up the metro stairs yesterday
~cut your hair:nope
~been mean: nope
~been sarcastic: yea
~gone to the movies: no
~taken a test: online only
met someone new: yea. coworkers yesterday
~written in a journal: yep tonight
~watched your favorite movie: nope
~missed someone: yea
~had a nightmare: no
been scared: no
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~wished upon a star: this past summer
~Laughed until you cried: last week
~watched a sunrise/sunset: last summer
~spent quality time alone: a while ago
~went to the beach at night: when I was 13
~read a book for fun: 4 months ago. harry potter and the goblet of fire. never got to finish it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~RIGHT NOW
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~what are you wearing: mickey mouse sweater with white pants with black vertical stripes on the side
~are you lonely: yea. miss davey boo
~are you happy: bleh
~are you talking to someone online: nope
~how are you feeling: sick and tired
~do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: dave
~your best friend is: chanty and dave
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MISC. QUESTIONS...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~do you like school: yep. finished with it!
~do you have any good advice: stop thinking negatively. life is too short...
~do you like to dance: yea...alone or on the ddr pad though
~are u scared to ask someone out: yea
~have you ever thought you were going to die: too many times
~sleep with stuffed animals: somewhat. the cats are fluffy
~have you ever broken/fractured a bone: yep. pinky and ring finger
~are yourself a good listener: yea
~do you sing in the shower: nope
~have you ever been drunk: yeaaa
~most scandelous thing you've done: dunno
~what color is your toothbrush: red
~Coke or Pepsi: diet coke
~what is the hardest thing about growing up: growing up itself. not being a child anymore
~do you believe in love at first sight:
~best feeling in the world: hehe orgasms is right on the dot lol and smiling so hard that you face hurts
x 12/07/2003 11:10:00 PM x
After a week of pure hell, here I am at home doing tests from quizilla again. I'm an addict.
princess ;
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
x 12/07/2003 10:50:00 PM x
Tuesday, December 02, 2003 First day of stage was exhaisting! My god. The first 3 hours I wanted to quit right there. Just the stress of it all my god. It's such a different atmosphere from school. I have to be uber quick at making shampoos and making expresso. I was all lost at first, but I got a bit used to it. Heh. Tomorrow's another day!
princess ;
x 12/02/2003 08:54:00 PM x
Monday, December 01, 2003
princess ;
Look! A picture of me and Fred teehee!
http://medlem.spray.se/missfaye/firekc.png
x 12/01/2003 12:39:00 AM x
Saturday, November 29, 2003 I regret so much not hanging around the hairdressing class more than I should. Almost all of my free time I would go to Dawson and look at where it got me. All I got was Dave and Chantal in some ways. Shannon as well. I realised it when it was the last day of school. The class and I went to L'an Jeu to drink and sing karaoke and it was great. I told Suzanne and Genevieve about my eating problems. They gave me reassuring hugs and said that I was an amazing girl. How often has that been said to me? Not often. Well, only from Dave actually. That's about it. I felt so great, but so awful at the same time. How could I have been such a reserving girl in class and not even bother? I was too afraid and now I have lost 2 battles and not even won 1.
princess ;
x 11/29/2003 07:16:00 PM x
Wednesday, November 26, 2003 I am in the worst fucking mood ever to exist. Shannon made me realise how much people aka. "friends" don't give a fucking shit about lots of friends, including me and shannon in general. A certain catherine wanted me to cut her hair. I said yes, but then "forgot" my scissors at school. Am I really friends with her? I dunno. Same for Alex. She wants me to do her hair cause I know how, but unless you're polish, you're a moron. Her cousin was over a few months or something and completely ignored everyone else. Everything had to be her fucking way. Sure it doesn't imply for today's little thing, but meh. Today was lizzie's birthday supper. it was organised at the last minute, but suddenly we were a good 20 people. Sure it's nice. It's always nice when they fucking remember. Poor shannon. I even forgot exactly which day was her birthday, even though I knew it was in september. I forget. I wish I didn't, cause for those who actually give a damn about me shouldn't be forgotten. It hurts like bloody hell. When everyone around you is all happy for a friend's birthday and everyone gets gifts that they would actually appreciate. Sure I'm out of Dawson, but i am apparently still friends with the drawson gang. I'm really fucking frustrated right now. i hacked my leg with frustration and still feel pissed. I want to hack some more. Take the fucking pain away. I tried to keep my face almost neutral and try to keep a good face cause you know, I COMPLAIN TOO FUCKING MUCH. I try to be all happy and cheery, but inside my blood is boiling to the point of evaporation. I want to hit everything. I want to destroy myself. I feel like if it is my fault that nobody gives a damn. give give FUCKING GIVE. I give out of all of my heart and I get nothing in return. SHannon gave me a reassuring hug and left tonight with eliz to smoke up i think. At least she was going to have a nice evening to end with. I have nobody to talk to about this. Nobody to hack with. Nobody to starve with. They all just want me to quit. I can't. They want me to cope. I can't fucking cope. I want to be ok.
princess ;
x 11/26/2003 10:17:00 PM x
Sunday, November 23, 2003 BTW it was June 23 not 24th! ha! Yea. I told dave last month that it was our 4 month aniversary, but my mum was there saying it was 5 months and so did he and blah. I just kept it to that. I'll notify him tomorrow with a calendar! mwaha! Ate healthy today even though I feel so awful cause of the meds. Had a bowl of cereal with soy milk (shouldn't have! tummy ache), 2 yogourts, oatmeal with pears and flaxseed, and for supper canned spaghetti and yellow wax beans. yay.
princess ;
x 11/23/2003 11:45:00 PM x
princess ;
Woohoo! Congrats on your anniversary Turkey and Muffin. But if you got together on June 24, isn't that only FIVE months?... December is six months away from June.... Oh well, happy hanky-panking anyways!
Other thing worth celebrating: THE TRANSIT STRIKE IS OVER!!!!!!!!!! :D
I AM: sarcastic
I WANT: the ability to cure people by touch. it'd also be nice to flap my arms and fly
I HAVE: an ability to make people laugh
I WISH: that no one has to suffer
I HATE: powerlessness
I MISS: innocence
I FEAR: not telling! mwaha
I HEAR: a soundtrack in my head. also, the keyboard
I SEARCH: for ways to improve
I WONDER: did I say something rude yesterday?
I REGRET: too many things
I LOVE: to love and be loved!
I ACHE: inside
I AM NOT: a "cripple"
I DANCE: on the DDR pad
I SING: badly ;)
I CRY: too often in public, very rarely when it's convenient (by myself at home)
I AM NOT ALWAYS: kind
I WRITE: to keep myself sane
I CONFUSE: to the extent that I myself am confused. Confusing, no?
I NEED: to clear my mind
I SHOULD: get started on my hwork instead of doing this lil survey
x. father thinks i am: daddy's girl
x. mother thinks i am: smart and talented, but too much of a procrastinator
x. my boyfriend/girlfriend thinks I am: once I have one, I'll ask him
x. three things you are often complimented for:
1. creativity (writing, drawing)
2. sense of humour and wittiness (public speaking)
3. determination
x. makes you happy: seeing the people I care and love around me happy
x. upsets you: seeing people suffer and not being able to help
x 11/23/2003 09:15:00 PM x
Today is Dave and I's 6 month anniversary! ^_^ He's gonna try to come over tomorrow after work cause of transit strike teehee Found this in sani. Thought I'd share... I AM: alive
princess ;
I WANT: to be out on my own with Dave ASAP.
I HAVE: a migraine
I WISH: I didn't get the urge to cut as much
I HATE: my stomach
I MISS: my rat Mochi
I FEAR: big crowds, food
I HEAR: my cats fighting
I SEARCH: for perfection
I WONDER: how I'd look like if I was 99 pounds
I REGRET: purging
I LOVE: Davey Boo lol
I ACHE: to be thin
I AM NOT: perfect enough
I DANCE: when I am happy and alone at home
I SING: when I want to relax alone
I CRY: when I cannot take the pain anymore
I AM NOT ALWAYS: in self-pity
I WRITE: not enough
I CONFUSE: everyone, myself
I NEED: to clear my mind
I SHOULD: drink a glass of water
x. father thinks i am: daddy's girl even if I never had a father-daughter relationship in the first place...
x. mother thinks i am: alright and still hiding things from her and is pissing me off sometimes
x. my boyfriend/girlfriend thinks I am: the best thing that's happened to him
x. three things you are often complimented for:
1. creativity
2. laugh
3. weight loss
x. makes you happy: seeing the people I care and love around me happy
x. upsets you: seeing the scale go up and down, looking in the mirror on my bad days, when things don't go my way the first time and the urge to cut deeply.
x 11/23/2003 05:50:00 PM x
Friday, November 21, 2003 Got to do chantal's make-over today. She looks so pre-tty ^_^ Happy with what I've done. I was So stressed though. I thought we had 4 hours to do the exam, but we actually had 6 and everything turned out fine. I am still freaking about tomorrow though. No transportation of the metros so mum is bringing me to the medley for the fashion show (last time doing hair on models for school!) and I'll have to take a taxi home. I never really thought of what I was initially afraid of in life. Some people it's heights, others spiders, me I dunno. Of course I have my food phobia, but I noticed with the transit system all messed up lots more people are on the bus and metros and I freak out. I guess I can't handle crowds that well *blush* Had WAY too much coffee today man. Wooooooweee. I had a yogourt plus a bowl of raison all bran cereal with soy milk. A big max of 500 cals prolly
princess ;
x 11/21/2003 09:51:00 PM x
Wednesday, November 19, 2003 I had my streak exam today. It went rather well considering I had never done a client by myself before. The girl had THE worst hair ever, but I got to bleach and do another colour as well. Twice the job. Ate moderate ...2 yogourts 140 cals and a bag of popcorn...
princess ;
x 11/19/2003 10:37:00 PM x
But my fave season is fall! I was just a weeeeeee bit bored tonight. I need some sleep. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
princess ;
Your soul is bound to the Glass Rose: The
Fragile.
"My heart lies somewhere between perfection
and dust. And while my soul is a sight to
behold, I shatter at the blink of an
eye."
The Glass Rose is associated with perfection,
beauty, and frailty. It is governed by the
goddess Aphrodite and its sign is the Looking
Glass, or Tenuous Love.
As a Glass Rose, you have a beautiful soul and
naturally attract people to you. Love comes
naturally to you, but it hardly ever lasts.
Though you embody the perfect form of love,
your own faults are your own undoing.
What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla
Aphrodite/Eros
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Persephone, from "The Matrix."
Tough cookie, you are, yet there are strains of
sadness and desire that lie beneath you- of
course, you wouldn't want anyone to know.
You're too busy putting up a facade.
What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
<<>>???What Kind Of Angel R You???<<>>( Anime Pics )
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.
"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal."
Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.
As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your element is Air. You are an artistic person
with a unique sense of style. You are
intelligent; although prone to wonder in
thought which, prevents you from paying full
attention to most things, constantly active and
most likely like to sing. Constantly moving the
air is a force of nature. One moment you can be
a breeze the next a tornado.
What's your element
brought to you by Quizilla
You're Most Like The Season Spring ...
Fresh faced, with a young outlook on life - you
smile at the world and expect it to smile back
at you. You're mostly a bubbly, fun - innocent
person. Described as cute possibly. However,
you're a little naive about things and tend to
be a little too trustworthy.
As the first season, It Makes you the youngest -
and so most immature - but people are inclined
to look out for and protect you.
Well done... You're the most fun of the seasons :)
?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
Congratulations! You have an understanding of the
goth culture!
A True Goth Quiz (now with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
x 11/19/2003 12:54:00 AM x
Had a good day today coming out for food. Back to 116 after fasting most of the day teehee ^_^ Happy jen Some sad news. Dave's dad fired the daytime cook, therefore Dave will be working 7 days a week again. A few open to close I believe. Man. With me working soon and him going to night school next semester we won't be able to see each other much. Much even to talk heh...*sigh* The day we move in together will be pure heaven. can't wait.
princess ;
x 11/19/2003 12:00:00 AM x
Tuesday, November 18, 2003 Not to forget... you know that you're ed-nos when you starve yourself for an entire day just so that you can enjoy your favorite ice cream sundae....all made with fat free sugar free stuff of course.
princess ;
you know that you're ed-nos when you bank your calories for the week to enjoy a few beers on the weekend and get drunk as fuck. then the next day freak out and exercise.
you know that you're ed-nos when you can honestly say that you've been bulimic, anorexic and had both COE and BED all in the same week! lets not forget the bouts of exercise crazed purging....
you've restricted a whole week, you do exercise compulsively and take abunch of diet pills during that week too.
you spend all yopur money on binge food the next week and purge
you go back to restricting a whole week again
you go back to binging but this time you don't feel like throwing up so you have a bunch of laxies
you sit in your bed making huge plans that you never succeed.
Constantly planning out my meals, spending hours on each meal and making sure it’s just right, but then fuck it up by adding a cookie when you actually do eat.
I am guilty of eating a serving of ice cream and then exercising for 3 hours straight feeling guilty because I “cheated” earlier and never feel that it is enough.
Feel like a looser for not fitting the textbook definition of “Ana” or “mia.”
Aunt red visits you spontaneously during the mouth, for only two days of pure hell. (Extremely heavy flow and then nothing.)
Budget your precious savings from over the summer that were meant for college this year and set aside an amount for your Ephedrine 1000 pills, gym membership, an or any other diet books or kick ass CD’s that make you workout harder.
Never really loose weight; just inches from push ups and weight lifting despite efforts.
People say, “Your so muscular and tiny how do you do it.” And like the second part of the complement but not the first and decide to maybe lay off the weights for a while.
Constantly food on the brain, even after you’ve had your one meal for the day.
Always drinking hot coco, even in the summer to make you feel fuller and oops that was your calorie allotment for the day.
always need to have something in your mouth
Suck on strawberry flavored pacifier as you type your midterm paper or study for your final, something about stimulating your mouth makes you concentrate more.
x 11/18/2003 01:17:00 AM x
You know you're ednos when... * one day you can't even imagine eating over 1000 calories and the next you hit 2000 or more.
princess ;
* the people who know you have an eating disorder don't take you seriously...including health professionals.
* you eat salad so much that when your dad takes you out to eat he tells you that you can't have salad and means it...so you go to the other extreme and eat pizza and cheesy garlic bread and stuff yourself silly.
* Your weight always seems to stay the same...all the starving and binging seem to cancel eachother out. No one can see the emotional pain you have because your body isn't displaying it.
* You haven't excatly lost your period, so you don't fit the criteria for having ana
* the people who know you have an eating disorder don't take you seriously...including health professionals.
* you see yourself as an umbrella
* you want to change the anorexic criterea just so you feel like you fit in
* you've considered a sex change to make your period vanish
* you've gone through a week that went somewhat like purge, fast, purge, fast, binge, binge, binge, binge, binge
* all your meals are miltiples of 20 calories... 20 calories, 200 calories or 2000 calories
* some days you go to the super wal-mart to walk around the store and burn calories, and other days you go because there's an all-you-can-eat buffet right across the street that you sneak off to and binge at like there's no tomorrow 'cause for you can have ANYTHING you could ever possibly crave... and uh.. riiight, I'm not speaking from personal experience...
* people listen to you say you're anorexic and say "that's a bunch of BS"
* you're convinced you have a thyroid problem because no matter how much you restrict, the weight just stays there...
* You fast for 5 days and lose 5 pounds and then gain them all back from 2 days of binging.
* In your house you have rice cakes, sugar free jelly, apples, and other healthy stuff, and then you have cookies and ice cream... but no food that normal people would eat.
* Someone asks you what eating disorder you have and you dont know how to answer. "All of them... on different days, but not totally extreme..."
* taking diet pills to lose the most of the weight, then taking them out of habit or to MAINTAIN your weight
* instead of eating anything healthy, you drink until you puke because you want to
* when you starve yourself all day but eat about 2000 cals or more at night.
* when you feel that you're anorexic but it sure as hell doesn't look like it.
* when you are so picky people wonder why you're not skinny- but the few foods that you DO like are pizza, ice cream, etc. so it makes sense to you.
* when you eat food until your stomach hurts, and then try to purge. But then when you realize you don't feel like gagging, you just give up and lay down.
* When you don't want to get out of bed because you don't know what kind of a day it will be and you don't want to risk overeating again
* your psychiatrist makes a chart of your weight and it ends up looking like a heart monitor
With Ed Nos you always have a range of clothing in your closet...usualy with 3 or 4 sizes to chose from
No one can figure out what kind of treat to surprise you with: Rice cakes or Ice Cream, becuase it's always the wrong choice
You stop getting invited to lunch becuse co-workers don't know if this is a "lunch eating" week or not.
x 11/18/2003 01:14:00 AM x
I am not happy with my weight again. I just ate the rest of the tub of ice cream to myself again. grrr. I will go under 500 cals again. No more fucking around. I am just kidding myself when I think that eating more than 500 cals won't make me gain weight. Hah Is this me? indeed...sadly enough Anorexia/Bulimia Dramatic weight loss in a relatively short period of time. ~haha yea. lost about 15 pounds in a month and a hlaf back in january
princess ;
Wearing big or baggy clothes or dressing in layers to hide body shape and/or weight loss. ~on my fat days hell yes
Obsession with weight and complaining of weight problems (even if "average" weight or thin). ~yes
Obsession with calories and fat content of foods. ~yes
Obsession with continuous exercise. ~sometimes
Frequent trips to the bathroom immediately following meals (sometimes accompanied with water running in the bathroom for a long period of time to hide the sound of vomiting). ~depends how much i ate...
Visible food restriction and self-starvation.~not that much in public
Visible bingeing and/or purging. ~no
Use or hiding use of diet pills, laxatives, ipecac syrup (can cause immediate death!) or enemas. ~na
Isolation. Fear of eating around and with others. ~sometimes
Unusual Food rituals such as shifting the food around on the plate to look eaten; cutting food into tiny pieces; making sure the fork avoids contact with the lips (using teeth to scrap food off the fork or spoon); chewing food and spitting it out, but not swallowing; dropping food into napkin on lap to later throw away. ~ all of the time when eating with others
Hiding food in strange places (closets, cabinets, suitcases, under the bed) to avoid eating (Anorexia) or to eat at a later time (Bulimia). ~never really done that
Flushing uneaten food down the toilet (can cause sewage problems). ~no
Vague or secretive eating patterns. ~yea
Keeping a "food diary" or lists that consists of food and/or behaviors (ie., purging, restricting, calories consumed, exercise, etc.) ~got 2 or 3 diaries hehe
Pre-occupied thoughts of food, weight and cooking. ~yea
Visiting websites that promote unhealthy ways to lose weight. ~yea
Reading books about weight loss and eating disorders. ~haven't had the money for that yet
Self-defeating statements after food consumption. ~yea...
Hair loss. Pale or "grey" appearance to the skin. ~hair loss a bit, but no grey appearance. I do usually have pale skin though
Dizziness and headaches. ~sometimes
Frequent soar throats and/or swollen glands.~sometimes
Low self-esteem. Feeling worthless. Often putting themself down and complaining of being "too stupid" or "too fat" and saying they don't matter. Need for acceptance and approval from others. ~i do it TOO often
Complaints of often feeling cold. ~oops lol
Low blood pressure. ~have no clue
Loss of menstrual cycle. ~nope
Constipation or incontinence. ~nope
Bruised or calluses knuckles; bloodshot or bleeding in the eyes; light bruising under the eyes and on the cheeks. ~ i bruise easily already
Perfectionistic personality. ~fuck yes
Loss of sexual desire or promiscuous relations. ~sometimes
Mood swings. Depression. Fatigue. ~ hell yes
Insomnia. Poor sleeping habits~ aren't all students this way? lol
x 11/18/2003 01:11:00 AM x
Thursday, November 13, 2003 My mum and I talked and she's checking out for a new place and how she can break te lease. She's sick of the guy downstairs too. Well, I feel better now. Bleaching my hair with pharmacy crap, but I needed to do something drastic. It was either cutting up my arms or bleaching my hair. Since cutting is not an option with what I have in my wardrobe I went with option #2. I cancelled tomorrow's supper with mum, her bf, vince, and his gf cause I don't want to eat. I will try to go to the M.A.C tournament depending on how I feel after tomorrow with clients. *SIGH*
princess ;
x 11/13/2003 09:20:00 PM x
Dave called from Dawson to check how I was doing. I left without saying goodbye to anyone except chantal since she followed me. I have been going fucking nuts cause of school events, school, and now dave. I called him earlier to invite him to Dawson for free pizza and company from friends. He says he'd rather stay home. Ok. Fine. I pass the phone to Howard which he gives to Oliver. Oliver then says there's gonna be pizza and ooooooh look! A game of Risk. Dave decides to come to school because of the game. I don't see it well. I see it as he doesn't give a rat's ass about me and all about the fucking game. Yea yea. me me MEEEEEEEEEEE all of the time right? Yes. I try to give and give and give. I Give way too much in my life and I get nothing back for it. Of course I should feel greatful cause I am doing some good out there. But you see, I never seem to get ANY goodness back from any of my friends let alone my bf. I don't know...maybe I'm some messed up girl who cannot get anything right. I try to be all happy and not think negatively, but end up barking at anyone when I fuck up on today cause of my bloody exam. Just let it all end now. All I could think of in the bus was howcome my hands always look blue purplish and how my knucles turn white and seem to break through my skin when i make a fist. I was pressing my key deep into my hand and when I took it off it left a nice print of my key with some added blue purplish colours. I loved it. Kind of shows if I am still alive. Oh, and by the way, I'm still flowin' so i can finally go back to dieting again. The 5 extra pounds I've gained has made me sick enough. I'll be now off cutting something up and making an art project of all the hatred in my life right now.
princess ;
x 11/13/2003 07:56:00 PM x
Tuesday, November 11, 2003 Finally done with the hell for now. I have my first model exam tomorrow (male hair cut) plus I have my first interview for my stage! Woohoo! *does a little dance* It's at Orbite. I visited Coupe Bizarre and they already had 3 stagieres there (boooooo) but the place was too ...yea. White walls and pink in the back. They didn't even have proper shelves. Just short tables to place their products. I went to Noir and that place was nice, but there was only one client! My god. It was weird. HUGE salon fit for 20 and only one client. When I went to Orbite the place was 1/2 packed and I LOVED the ambiance. Man oh man I can't wait! plus the girl Nathalie kept asking me questions on my availlabilty after my stage and I would be able to work between end of stage and before the chalet. Booyeeeeehaaaaaaa!
princess ;
x 11/11/2003 10:09:00 PM x
Sunday, November 09, 2003
princess ;
I love visiting my dad's side of the family. They're all Québécois, except for me and my mom, so it's a great chance to relax, eat great food and practice my French. Plus they're nice, laid-back and easygoing. A few hours out in the country on a sunny cold day does wonders for the system after weeks of Montreal doom and gloom.
Sorry to hear 2/3rds of your class didn't show up girl, that's what they call "learning about teamwork in the real world." Ask for more generous tips next time.
p.s. - About ripping heads off, you're a hairdresser. Just go "oops I missed" with the scissors next time y'all are in class and tada - instant mohawk.
x 11/09/2003 08:50:00 PM x
More problems with today. Goddam. More people didn't shut up for the tournage and we got shit on by the actors that we weren't doing our job good. We were supposed to be 6 people to do 20 hairstyles, gel, up-do and all and we were only like 2 at a time. Bitch fest man. We calld the teacher and she wasn't happy. Too many people don't show up cause of "whatever". I want to rip their heads off
princess ;
x 11/09/2003 11:56:00 AM x
Saturday, November 08, 2003 I hate my fucking owners/neighbours downstairs. The only thing that can make me relax is putting on my music and dancing and singing along. I've been having a bitch of last 2 weeks and my owner's bitch came upstairs and rang the bell, had the nerve to tell me that she's trying to read literature for university(cause she only does it at HIS house not hers) and that anything involving music drives her nuts. FUCK YOU. How would you feel if you've woken up at 4 in the fucking morning, take the bus in the freezing cold morning winds of minus 5 at 5am, working on models that won't stop moving on barely 3 hours of sleep and going nuts about exams, relationships, health, etc??!?!?!?! I seriously want to just put the music back on and let her be. Sure she'd come back upstairs. Ring the door. Call the fucking cops. Goddam. I need a life too. No wonder I wanted to move out, but unfortunately I have to stay another year.
princess ;
x 11/08/2003 09:42:00 PM x
Sunday, November 02, 2003 I have a few things to vent about. Some are good. Some are bad. Just cope with it. Firstly, I am so fucking sick of hearing stuff about the war and everything over in Iraq or affiliated with it. Can't they just tone it down or just shut-up about it? Drives me absolutely mad just thinking about it cause I have better things to think about. Things that are happening in my life for example, or just on THIS side of the world. I went to 2 parties this weekend. One to Lizzie's (rather new group of friends), the other to Kym's (the old gang of drawsonites). Much difference between both I tell ya. Lizzie's is all fun and games. Most of the gang is there and either dancing or playing board games. Alex announces to everyone that my birthday is coming up and her and her cousin sings happy birthday in polish while everyone else doesn't give a fucking damn. Howard locks his keys into the car so Chuck, Tchun, Howard, and Akiko can't leave. They try to jimmy the lock with no luck. They called the CAA to unlock it. They left about 3 hours after they were supposed to. I go to bed at around 5-6am. At Kym's we rent 4 films to watch throughout the night, get loads of pizza, breadsticks, and cinnamon sticks, and got some great banana, raisons, vanilla ice cream, and rhum dessert done by Akiko. We play a weird truth or dare game from Kym's pocket thingie and have fun goofing around. Kym made some brownies and later brought them down with Akiko to sing me happy birthday and gave me a gift. Watched more movies and fell alseep around 4-5am At first I was thinking that I would get appreciated by the new group of friends since I have known them for over a year now and talk to them more often. But I was wrong. They forgot my birthday last year and they forgot it again this year. Nothing new. With the old gang which I barely talk to, especially roger and kevin (he wasn't there though) I would never have thought that they would do this. I was so thrilled. Sometimes I wish I could back the clock to return all of the good things from the past with my good buddies and omit the problems and negativity. It's crazy how some people give give and give and not get anything in return so often. It hurts me. I did lots of pigging out this weekend like 2 nights straight of popcorn, pizza, chocolate bars and candy, chips, soda, booze, and pretzels. I am going to try to eat as healthy as possible as a birthday gift to moi. A healthier me is a better me. It's funny how things turn out. 2 months ago we didn't use protection and almost got pregnant. This month we use protection and TWICE it fails. The first time was last week and the hole was merely 3 mm. Not too bad. Thursday was horrible! I could pass my thumb easily in it and nothing had stayed inside. It's too late now to get the 72 hour pill I think. Too bad I didn't think about it sooner. I guess dave and I will know if anything happens by nov. 14th if I get my period. That is if I am regular which I usually am not. For future reference NEVER use SHIELDS condoms. They tend to rip too easily.
princess ;
x 11/02/2003 08:23:00 PM x
Tuesday, October 28, 2003 Complete blahness for me today. Got to cut up my halloween costume, but didn't get the chance to sow it up yet. Arg. I have to do hair for the university of montreal for a movie that the film students have to do for their final three year project. So tomorrow I have to wake up at 6:30ish am to get to the metro station for 8am and finish by the latest at 9pm. Then thursday I have that as well, but at 5pm til midnight. Oi. Me gonna be burnt as hell. Good thing there's only 5 characters. I hate stomache aches...gotta stop eating chinatown buns. Me need sleep...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
princess ;
x 10/28/2003 10:22:00 PM x
Wednesday, October 22, 2003 Funny how things turn out. At first I was all excited about taking over sonia's apt. if she finds a condo this summer. Then I find out that it would take at least over an hour to get to my future work and the place is 500 or so a month (have no clue if electricity is included). Anywho, I talk to eliz and cat last week and they want to move into an apartment, so we go look at howard's apt. place. Nice place. 4 1/2 though for 375$ great man right? RIGHT. Today eliz tells me that cat and her have been talking about moving in together for a few months now and all of the talking about us 3 moving in together is down the drain. What am I supposed to think if anything else comes up? That's it's too good to be true like the other 2? I took it well this afternoon. I didn't cry, get angry, or frustrated. Just dissapointed. I want to get out of my mum's apartment cause i want to be on my own. She still brings up garbage from over 4 years ago when my parents split up and she keeps putting everything on me like usual. It's irratating as hell. Now she also watches if I eat cause she knows about my ed. Another annoyance. Just getting rid of her looking over my shoulder would be splendid. I love her to bits, but I need my space. I would love it if dave could move in with me, but since he hasn't finished school or even has a job outside of the family resto he cannot get proper amounts of money. He usually ends up not taking his pay or barely some. With his school if everything goes according to plan and that he passes everything right he would be out of school and be a gym teacher when he's going to be 25-26 years old. That's 4-5 years from now! That's a long time. I can't wait that long to get out. I MUST get out of here by next summer or my mind and body will completely explode.
princess ;
x 10/22/2003 09:48:00 PM x
Monday, October 20, 2003 Finally updated my blog. Been way too long. Links done, bio done... What's new with me. Well, going to a halloween party on the 31st, then birthday supper on the 6th and another on the weekend with family joining me, mum, and grandpa. School's doing better. The teacher spoke to the students on how some of them have beenm acting like asses and whatnot. I got my hair cut and changed colour. Cut off most of the bad crispy ends and deep conditioning a lot. Need to make it all nice and pretty for la-la-la! lol Food wise it's up and downhill all of the time. I am at my lowest weight at 114 and I wish I could fast so badly. Dave's helping me with eating healthy. I've barely touched any sweets for the past week not counting diet soda which is great! I'm also trying to no eat meat (except fish and eggs) and it's going well apart from the chicken soup now and then dave feeds me for protein. He's really worried about my health. I should just shut up about everything no? *sigh* what to do...
princess ;
x 10/20/2003 11:43:00 PM x
Monday, October 13, 2003 Sometimes I'd like to do some things very well. Even perfectly if i can. IU'm sloshed on the verge of being drunk right now. I had over a cup of vodka in 1 hour and I'm dizzy as hell. I like the feeling even if it scares me. I am drunk or typsy or whatecver and I don't care. soemtinmes i wish this feeling would stay. Makes me not care of everything around me. I am singing to going under by evanescence and I'ms inging like a goat. Kind of funny actualluy. I can't stand strait either and oi can;t tyoe. I kickes ozzie off the chair so many timers and I am jiusr in ;lala land. I have to go pee vbut i'm not goijg to/ I'm chewing on my lip and it's yummy. I wishg i wouldn't hurt david when i wouldn't eat. I wish I could fast for days on end without worrying about dave. gah. Life sucks in that perspective doesn't it??? wjhat the fuck do I do?1/2 of me want to make everythujn right and recover and eat like a normal human being (over 900 cals) and the other half I just want to fast and make myseklf bend over the limits to see how low i can go. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
princess ;
x 10/13/2003 11:19:00 PM x
Wednesday, October 01, 2003 I am a pathetic fool who cannot do anything right. I screwed up on a hairstyle on a dummy today and I felt like shit. I still feel like shit. I almost cut, but didn't. Damn, this isn't in the right blog to post in, but i don't give a rat's ass anymore. I'm on the verge of crying. I guess I got spoiled seeing dave everyday. I saw him for 5 min. yesterday and it feels like if it's an eternity I haven't seen. They're still having resto problems once more. The dishwasher didn't show up before yesterday. I didn't hear anything from dave if he showed up again. AND of course, dave is stuck doing the dishes PLUS the cooking. Open til close my close bet is. He hasn't called in two days. I can never contact him cause he might be working late, or gone to china town for supper with his family, and good GOD when his dad answers the phone my heart stops right there. I finally got used to him in person, but already that i HATE using the fucking phone when I hear him it freaks the living shit out of me. I'm ranting again. I don't give a fucking damn anymore...I'm crying now...doesn't seem like much of a difference. I seem to cry way too much these day.s First cause I was trying to recover and eating was fucking me up literally. Then it was school...it still is school as well. I have to succeed. I MUST SUCCEED. For once in my life i am good at something that i might pursue my life doing and if i mess it up i'm a retard. I am a retard. I'm just blabbing off to the computer cause I am afraid to talk to anyone....even dave. I called annie's cel phone and hung up after 2 rings 30 minutes ago. at first i wanted to say hi, but then i was afraid he'd be worried cause i stopped recovering. I stopped eating again. and it's horrible, but i like it cause it';s like a punishment for me not doing well because i fucking suck at tryoning what i can do best. whyn do i have to feel this way? It's irratating as fucking helll. I'm always cold, my stomach hurts, i have a headache, i';m dizzy, i want to vanish. I don't want others to worry about me all of the tim.e david asks when he used to call " did you eat yet?"I do eat cause i know he's gonna ask that. I don't want to break his heart. He's happy, i was happy...my rat is dying, my mum is gone, if feel so alone. So goddam alone. I want a hug, but at the same time i want to push everyone away from me cause i don't want them to see me. Aww ozzi just jumped on my lap and licked me next to the eye. I guess he noticed i am feeling down. Now he won't stop rubbing against me to play with him. *sigh*
princess ;
*grabs a kleenex*
x 10/01/2003 11:51:00 PM x
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
princess ;
Went over to Sonia's house tonight and hung out and blabbed for quite a while. I've been wanting to move out for some time now and I somewhat have an opportunity. She wants to move to the west island with her bf for a duplex which would leave a 4 1/2 for $500 a month for moi and Dave in the future. I could get her bf's mum's used stove for around $150 and I need to get a fridge. I am so excited! I am so motivated to finally start saving up for my own living space. I need a comp, microwave,towels,...bwahahaa I asked my mum for pots and pans for my birthday and x-mas. I'd get utensils at the dollar store. I've already got my plates and a few glasses. Got loads of cups and blankets. I'm practically set! I don't need a phone yet...but I might have to unfortunately get a cel phone *chokes herself* but only use by card. I have to save up some money. No more pigging out on ice cream. It's also a great motivation not to have junk food ^_^.
x 9/30/2003 11:26:00 PM x
Monday, September 22, 2003 After finishing the last post I went to bed at around 2:30 am. Not too late. I wake up the next day at 3pm. I watch t.v and eat food for 3 hours and go back to bed. I wake up to this morning at almost 6:30am. I think I needed a weeee bit of sleep hm?
princess ;
x 9/22/2003 06:38:00 AM x
Sunday, September 21, 2003 I had a fabulous evening at my cousin's wedding tonight...my gosh where to start. The ceremony held place at the notre dame church (i think...i forgot what it's called) Anyways, it's the HUGE church in Old Montreal. Beautiful man. I'm not a church girl, but wow. My cousin Stephanie's fiance Daniel was really looking nice in a blood red shirt with matching tie. If dave would have come he was gonna wear that exact same colour *drools* Stephanie had this gorgeous white dress that has a corset with sleeves that was a bit poofy that trailed to the floor. When they saw each other for the first time in the church they looked so in love. Their eyes were sparkling and their smiles were to their ears. I saw myself and Dave there. While they were doing all of the prayers and etc. all I could think of how it would be if we would ever get there. How it would feel and how happy we would be. I was in la-la land. After the ceremony we went to an auberge in old montreal about 3 corners away from the church itself. L'auberge saint gabriel I believe. If I do get married in montreal I am definately going there for the reception and the supper. The place is rustic and I absolutely fantastic. All wooden and all...hah I don't even know how to explain. We had to go up 6 floors or so for our area. The hors-d'oeuvres were of crackers with toppings, mini quiches, and SUSHI! On my dad's side of the family they can be pretty finicky and not want to try anything, but Chanty and I dove into the stuff. Yummy! Later in the evening when we finally get to sit down we wait for supper to arrive which took FOREVER. We got seated at around 7pm and we finally got to eat at around 8 or so. While waiting Chantal and I talked about weddings...well...mostly me *blush* I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I would think of what kind of dress I'd like to have, which language to have it in (french, english, vietnamese, or mixed), the seating arrangement depending how many bridesmaids I would have and also cause of my mum and dad being divorced, but they both have significant others, how annoying it would be if my dad's side of the family would keep banging the cutlery on the table to make us kiss and to actually change it to chopsticks instead for added fun, to maybe mix the culture of quebecois and vietnamese together, what kind of music to have, what i would do with my hair...man. I DON'T SHUT UP! After the food was the "throwing of the bouquet". They didn't actually throw it cause it was too loaded with flowers so instead they made a "musical chair" thing instead. They put the bride in the middle of a circle with all of the unmarried women dancing and moving around her while the groom is walking around the larger circle and everytime the music stops, anyone between the bride and the groom would get eliminated after a while they had three guys cause it would take forever. I didn't get it. Oh well. I ain't getting married THIS year lol. After that they had the girtle. You should have seen Stephanie. It was so adorable. She was standing on a chair and Daniel did this dance. He took off his coat, then his little vest. He went under the dress and it seemed like if he was having trouble, but all Stephanie would do was laugh and turn beet red. After he got it off, all of the unmarried men had to do the limbo do "catch" the girtle. It was funny cause these tall guys would fall to their asses half way. In the end it was Patrick-my cousin Brigitte's boyfriend that got it. I left right after since I wanted to catch my bus home at a reasonable time to write all of this down! I kept thinking and thinking of how it would be me and dave. I think too early of these silly things, but it feels so right to be with him. It feels like if i have been with him forever and it just going to be 3 months this coming tuesday. Sure I knew him before, but still. My heart still leaps when I see him and i still get butterflies in my tummy when I am happy around him. He makes me so happy. He's given me the courage to recover at the same time knowing I can do it and it's working. Everything is perfect with us. It just seems so unreal. Jen is WAY too much in La-La Land.
princess ;
x 9/21/2003 01:45:00 AM x
Friday, September 19, 2003
princess ;
Yea you guessed it. On my period and it ain't fun. What else is fun? I'm going to my cousin's wedding tomorrow and I have to wear a dress. Well not HAVE to, but it would be respectful to. I usually hate wearing dresses when I'm on my period. It makes me look more bloated than usual.
My nails are too short and ugly that I can't do anything with them. I'll try some nailpolish on and see what goes, but I can't stand pale polish! Makes me look dead.
x 9/19/2003 06:47:00 PM x
Thursday, September 18, 2003
princess ;
Mochi has a large bump inder her jaw and it wasn't there a week ago. She also has a weird scratch on the side her right eye and her eyes are popping out more than usual. I fear that something is growing from inside of her and that she is in great pain. My mum is going to end her life soon, but I don't know when. I was crying loads last night thinking i could have done a better job with raising her.
*sniff sniff*
x 9/18/2003 07:09:00 PM x
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
princess ;
Fun fun. Almost half of my class is sick including my teacher and I am starting a cold too. I keep getting more and more dizzy. Dave's worried and said that I should get my blood checked. I need to find time. I also have to go looking for a stage job soon. Get it over with before x-mas to get extra cash.
x 9/10/2003 05:12:00 PM x
Saturday, September 06, 2003 I'm not in a too hot of a mood right now. Dave can't go to the wedding. Well his probability of going is a nice 5% or so, so that's a major piss off. I don't know what to tell my dad. He's been wanting to meet him for a while. Goddam cook again. It's all of his fault. He treats them like if he can show up to work anytime he fucking wishes to.*blows a fuse*
princess ;
x 9/06/2003 12:50:00 AM x
Tuesday, September 02, 2003 Much suckies yes. It's almost 3 pm and I woke up about an hour ago. Was supposed to meet chanty at 2:15 but called saying that she got a course change and couldn't go shopping *phew* I hate having trouble falling asleep. I went to bed at 12, got "up" at 2am cause I was sick of flipping like a pancake in bed. Went online til about 4:30 and fell alseep between 5 and 6am. Much shittyness.
princess ;
x 9/02/2003 03:00:00 PM x
Monday, September 01, 2003 Annie and I made another day of success of selling cookies and then that was it. We made about 60 bucks each for that. I did "bus girl" stuff with Annie as well. About 6 hours on saturday night and about 9 hours yesterday. We spilt the hourly pay and the tips and I got so much! With the cookies I made a nice 202$$$ I feel so rich! lol. I've got to repay my mum for the radio she got me. a nice 250$$$ there...I'll give her half or something. I want to do something for me!
princess ;
x 9/01/2003 06:24:00 PM x
Thursday, August 28, 2003 For the pest two days I've been selling cookies and drinks with Annie at the sidewalk sale in front of the resto. We've made about 50 bucks in 2 days which isn't THAT bad. We're doing it for fun anyways ^_^ It lasts til sunday. The cook at the resto didn't show up yesterday and today so poor dave has been working his ass off. He worked 11 til 3pm yesterday and then today open til close...a good 12 hours. Because of the sidewalk sale there are loads of customers. More than usual. So much to the point that I've been helping the waitresses clean some glasses. A plus on my side, I am training with Annie on sunday for waitressing ^_^ I'd be working friday evenings. There is a Jean Lalonde guy that will be singing 7pm til midnight every friday and saturday and the place is gonna be PACKED. There is already a reservation for 25 people at one sitting. Their biggest yet I think. So yea. Much goodness Yay, more resto talking heh. I've been there for almost 3 days straight. What else could I possibly talk about??? I have to go to bed early to bake some more cookies and help dave and his mum prepare food for the day cause of that bloody cook! @_@
princess ;
x 8/28/2003 09:20:00 PM x
Monday, August 25, 2003
princess ;
I haven't had the best of mornings...or whatever this is. I went to bed at 6pm last night cause i was freezing my ass off from feeling sick. I wake WIDE AWAKE impossible to sleep a minute more at 3:30 am. What the heck do I do at this time? Rollerblade! sure! why not? if only it wasn't RAINING. @#$%^&*()_ Nobody is online of course at this hour. I have no idea what else the hell to do except go online and complain on my blog.
x 8/25/2003 04:41:00 AM x
Saturday, August 23, 2003
princess ;
more blahness
your eyes show love
which eye are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
x 8/23/2003 01:24:00 AM x
Thursday, August 21, 2003 It's funny enough to see people make conflicts online and make such a huge deal out of it. So what if "I" didn't invite certain people. BIG FUCKING DEAL. People complain when they don't get invited OR they complain about who's showing up. Life sucks and we just have to deal with it whether we like it or not. Life is great in general. School is finally out for the summer for me. I have to find a job plus work on some art stuff to sell at a fair that chanty has talked to me about *dances in a circle* Gizmo hasn't been home for 2 nights in a row. I'm getting worried that she got run-over by a car...
princess ;
x 8/21/2003 12:31:00 AM x
Sunday, August 17, 2003 What a beautiful saturday night...and to think that I am online doing quizzes to pass the time. heh. mwahahahhaaaa this is too funny! teehee *blush* jonny depp goodness lol woohoo! I am right ON THE DOT with davey boo lol
princess ;
You are a dark writer. A fierce and loyal follower
of Poe and the other gothic authors, you LOVE
to instill a sense of revulsion and somewhat
fear in your readers. You love to poke their
brains with logic dealing with the darker side
of the human mind and character. Truly
surprising and a true individual, you'll do
ANYTHING to create a scene. :)
What's YOUR Writing Style?
brought to you by Quizilla
Nerdslut
What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla
Schoolgirls make plaid look good just so long as
they've got great legs. With you, though, it's
all in the mentality. You probably want your
sex-object of choice to guide you along the way
so you aren't totally lost. Don't go feeling
too insecure, though. Whatever it is, I bet
she'll/he'll like it.
What's Your Bedroom Personality? (For Her)
brought to you by Quizilla
Lord of the Rings!
What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla
Hee! You are Jack's "You have to find
yourself a girl, mate ... you're not a eunuch,
are you?" speech. You're quite a bit sex-
crazed, and you assume that everyone else is as
horny as you are. Get it on as soon as
possible so that you can join the rest of us on
Planet Earth ... I'm sure you'll have a good
time doing so.
Which one of Captain Jack Sparrow's bizarre sayings from Pirates of the Caribbean are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You should be dating a Pisces.
19 February - 20 March
Your mate is loving and caring, trusting and
hospitable, and romantic. Though he/she can be
self-pitying, temperamental or dependent, the
fishes are quite romantic in bed.
What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
brought to you by Quizilla
x 8/17/2003 01:39:00 AM x
Friday, August 15, 2003 I hate today. Everything has gone completely wrong. I wake up late. Miss my bus. Eat so much I feel that I'm gonna explode. Get to school and everything is fucking un-organised. When the show is about to start, everything is backed up an hour and everything that the hairdressers were supposed to do got cancelled because the lighting was inadequate. Someone please shoot me now to end the goddam frustration.
princess ;
x 8/15/2003 06:57:00 PM x
Tuesday, August 12, 2003 Tralalala. After a week of not posting not much has happened...really. Hold on. Yea it did, but not really. Failed an exam and took it again yesterday and got a 95% on it *dances*. Went to a "surprise" birthday party of Alex and hid chanty's as well into there. Went to bed in the wee hours in the morning and had a brunch that practically lasted 2 hours. I ate 2 eggs, 5 pieces of bacon, 3 pieces of bread, and 3 pancakes. I was full to the max, but only 4 hours later i was hungry once more. oh well. I've been feeling really sick and sleepy lately. I just hope it isn't what i think it is. I cleaned the cupboard this weekend only to find a bug infestation in a whole corner. 3/4 of the pasta had to be thrown out and anything remotely opened (even a bag of cookies!) the pesky critters got inside. I got one whole garbage bag out of there. ech
princess ;
x 8/12/2003 07:47:00 PM x
Tuesday, August 05, 2003
princess ;
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:Level Score Purgatory (Repenting Believers) Very Low Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) Moderate Level 2 (Lustful) High Level 3 (Gluttonous) Moderate Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) Low Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) Very High Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) Very High Level 7 (Violent) Very High Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) High Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) Low
Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test
x 8/05/2003 03:54:00 PM x
Practically 2 all nighters in a row and still buzzing. I've been having quite a wild time lately *blush* Last two exams tomorrow and then finally done with that stuff. All that's left are a few clientele days and the show on august 15th. Damn. I really can't wait to not go to school anymore.
princess ;
x 8/05/2003 03:15:00 PM x
Thursday, July 31, 2003 I've been drained of energy for the past few days. I've slept 11 hours at dave's house and then another 2-3 at home before going for the fireworks. Hah the fireworks. I get to the metro, nobody is there. Wait for 1 hour and a half and giulio's friend shows up. we have a weird convo that i keep thinking that i can't wait til giulio shows up. this guy kind of freaked me out. called dave if he wanted to come, but he had a headache and seemed out of the blue. i really hope that he's gonna be ok. he was fine this morning. it's prolly cause of work...maybe his parents said something to him? I'm gonna call him in the morning if he wants to have breakfast or something. I'm worried...
princess ;
x 7/31/2003 12:54:00 AM x
Tuesday, July 29, 2003 So yea...today's exam was a complete pain in the ass and I got a really low mark. Just on the passing line! I got 80% and I felt horrible cause i knew that I could do way better than that. I cried in front of my teacher, picked up my stuff, went to the washroom and cried some more. I have more details in INSANITY... I barely ate all day and I hurt myself again. I'm not happy about it, but i couldn't help it. It was either that or screaming my fucking head off and getting loads of people asking me questions. WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS???? Bed time for crazy muffy here
princess ;
x 7/29/2003 01:44:00 AM x
Thursday, July 24, 2003 I hate cigarrettes and their smoke. They give me motherfucking migraines to the point that I just want to rip my head off. I barely ate all day cause my morning also started horribly. Everything has been crappy today and I wish that it could go better. And here I am eating waffles with syrup practically at 11pm at night. That's all gonna store........grrrrrrr*cries to sleep on her bed...*
princess ;
x 7/24/2003 10:43:00 PM x
Wednesday, July 23, 2003 I don't know how to describe today as one of the worst or best days I've ever had. My day starts off with this morning...actually late last night. Or even yesterday afternoon. I take a nap at Dave's while he's working cause I had been feeling sick (pukey and sneezy). I kept waking up from 4 til 9, but I only remembered opening and closing my eyes. Dave had supposedly asked me if I wanted supper a few times and if I needed something else I think. Anyways, after waking up I get invited into Dave's empty restaurant downstairs to a beautiful plate of fresh fruit with whipped cream and 2 doughnuts. I was still extremely sleepy, but I was really happy. He made it all look pretty in a circle and made a little pyramid with the watermelon pieces. I even got a plate with flower prints on it! After supper we went back upstairs to sit on the "roof" on the porch swing and ate a few lichis with Anne Marie. Went to his room to watch BIRDCAGE (very funny btw) and Dave fell asleep. I tried to stay awake and ended up falling asleep too. We both wake up at around 2am realising that my last bus was at 1:35. Dave's dad isn't too fond of having people over and probably even worse his girlfriend, so we were quite worried. We fell asleep not too long after that and woke up this morning. Dave made me an egg sandwhich breakfast thingy and had about 3/4 of it and gave the rest to him. Took a nap til 9:10 and I hurried to school. I get to school and half of the students are there. Half of the students that ARE THERE aren't doing crapola. The teacher tells us that it's our last day to practice for perms and rollers and me and kym are working our tushies off to do everything well. I'm doing rollers on my dummy and it isn't going well. I used to do it almost perfectly with a swing of the wrist and now I couldn't even keep the hair on the damn roller. I just kept looking at the time to leave the class. I was getting more and more pissed off and I wanted to just grab a pair of scissors and... Lunch time arrived and Dave surprised me with a bouquet of flowers and a large grin on his face. He was so adorable. It was our 1 month anniversary today. Time flies hm? Had some food at subways. The rest of the afternoon was kind of iffy. I did kym hair in rollers and almost started to cry countless number of times because I felt useless. I said aloud "I can't do these anymore! I don't get it. I used to bed so good at it..." and that bitch Jessica just blurts out "maybe you weren't that good in the first place!" Of course SHE was joking around, but I didn't take it too lightly and Kym understood how much I hated Jessica. She took to my defense and said that it was harsh and Jessica appologised. Like if Jess would have said that if I ever spoke up. Later one of the girls in esthetics lost a model for her morphologie make-up exam and I got to take her place! I looked really nice. Bold eyes that were cat-like for a gala evening with an amazing shade of red lipstick. Too bad I was wearing a large bright puke greenish tshirt with baggy jean shorts. Kind of killed the effect. I get home and I clean my face to remove the make-up. I used a facial cleanser and my face burned like mad. I felt like if the skin was litterally being ripped off. I put some baby lotion on hoping that it would go away, but it didn't. I clean my face again with glycerin soap (can't go wrong with that stuff! excellent!) and put some baby lotion on once more. My cheeks were bright red and my eyelids were brighter red and poufy. Tomorrow is another day and I hope that it will get better. Karaoke night! I hope that I'll be up to it.
princess ;
x 7/23/2003 11:22:00 PM x
Sunday, July 20, 2003 I've been feeling like crap for the past few days. It's irratating as hell. My computer's sound cartridge or something or rather is supposedly "missing" and the only time that we'll be able to have a guy over to fix it is in a month or so. I've been trying to fix it for almost 3 days and still nothing. Much suckyness. I wanted to play some computer games. I went to see Pirates of the Carribean yesterday with Dave and I LOVED it. Apart from excellent acting from Jonny Depp *drools* I loved the plot and the whole theme of it. The set was so well done and the skeletons didn't look as bad as the ones in the MUMMY did. I've opened another blog at blurty so I could write anything about my ED and SI in that one. I didn't want to start mixing up stuff and making other people worry. It can be pretty brutal stuff I warn ya. Like the stuff what I used to write, but sometimes even worse. If anyone wants to read it the link is on the right in insanity.
princess ;
x 7/20/2003 09:59:00 PM x
Monday, July 14, 2003 Is jen bored tonight? HELL YES [ .001. ] first name: jennifer
princess ;
[ .002. ] middle name: leesa sonia
[ .003. ] last name: charbonneau
[ .004. ] nickname(s): jen, jennie (shudders), muffin, fire girl, mae, muffy, rainbow chan
[ .005. ] gender: Female
[ .006. ] age: 20
[ .007. ] birthday: november 5
[ .008. ] height: 5'3 1/2
[ .009. ] hair color: dark brown and ugly shade of dark purple
[ .010. ] eye color: Brown
[ .011. ] race: white...
[ .012. ] do you wear glasses or contacts: goggles
[ .013. ] do you have braces: never had any
[ .014. ] is your hair long or short: short (chin length)
[ .015. ] where were you born: rouyn-noranda, abitbi tamiscamingue, qc
[ .016. ] current location: lasalle, qc
[ .017. ] zodiac sign: the fierce scorpio
[ .018. ] how many languages do you know: english, french, i know a sentence in vietnamese...does that count ? ^^'
[ .019. ] nationality: french quebecer with astrian background on my mum's side
[ .020. ] bad habits: Starving, nagging, mumbling stuff that doesn't make sence, picking at my food, picking at my nails, cracking knuckles and everything else possible when stressed and nervous
[ .021. ] piercings you have: 4 left ear, 3 right
[ .022. ] piercings you want: belly button? and a few more on my ears....the funky kinds
[ .023. ] tattoos you have: 4 moons stuck together on my left shoulder and a water faerie on my lower back
[ .024. ] tattoos you want: i had an idea for putting the japanese symbols for fire and water to kind of "finish" my water faerie pic, plus something to cover up my SI scars on my left wrist...
[ .025. ] today's date: sunday, july 13
[ .026. ] the time: 23:10pm
[ .027. ] ready for a bunch more questions: sure why not? i don't have a life...
:Family:
[ .028. ] mother's name: Helene
[ .029. ] father's name: Francois
[ .030. ] step-parent's names, if any: none
[ .031. ] brother(s)'s name(s): Vincent
[ .032. ] sister(s)'s name(s): none...thats nice!
[ .033. ] favorite aunt: auntie sonia
[ .034. ] favorite uncle: it WAS uncle johnny...but yea...uncle jean is a great guy too...
[ .035. ] favorite grandparent: helene. my grandpa scares me
[ .036. ] worst relative: grandpa
[ .037. ] best relative: alex
[ .038. ] do you get along with your parents: my mum. i don't really have much of a relationship with my papa
[ .039. ] Does anyone in your family understand you?: my mum sometimes...even though she has no clue about my ED
:Pets:
[ .040. ] do you have any pets: Yes
[ .041. ] what are their names: ozzi and gizmo
[ .042. ] what kind of animals are they: cat
:School:
[ .043. ] are you still in school: Yes
[ .044. ] did you drop out: dropped out of college for a few months to work and now in a "technique"
[ .045. ] current gpa, or last gpa you got: *clueless look* that's for the states huh *waves fist in air*
[ .046. ] favorite grade: the letter A just like my chest lol
[ .047. ] least favorite grade: all of fucking highschool. can't beat that!
[ .048. ] favorite teacher: mr. halebi
[ .049. ] least favorite teacher: mr. knight
[ .050. ] favorite subject: gym, art, music, and french
[ .051. ] least favorite subject: math, economics
[ .052. ] do/did you buy lunch or bring it: I only eat lunch if dave brings some usually...*blush*
[ .053. ] play any sports on the school's team: nope
[ .054. ] do/did you do any extracurricular ativities: no
[ .055. ] are/was you popular: i was one of THOSE people being picked on all of the time in my little corner minding my own business
[ .056. ] favorite dance: modern and ddr lol
[ .057. ] favorite memory: going to lake masawippi a few years back and just sitting on the fishing deck to look at the stars
[ .058. ] least favorite dance: Hip hop...anything that consist of ass shaking...
[ .059. ] least favorite memory: i've got two...when my mum got the phone call at 1am that my uncle was missing, and prom night when matt tried to choke me
[ .060. ] most humiliating moment: i wiped my scissors clean with my thumb and fingers in class and only realised then that the teacher said the scissors were extremely sharp. my hand was in blood. lol
:Favorites:
[ .061. ] number: 5
[ .062. ] clothing brand: food clothing, uh...i dunno. i don't really check labels.
[ .063. ] shoes: 4 1/2 inch at heel, 2 inches in front red booties, black cheap flip flops
[ .064. ] saying: meh
[ .065. ] tv show: csi
[ .066. ] sport: volleyball!!!!!
[ .067. ] vegetable: garlic and salad
[ .068. ] fruit: cherries, black berries, kiwis, pineapples
[ .069. ] movie: stargate, gremlins (me a freak), carrie, ginger snaps (me freak again)
[ .070. ] magazine: anything with hairstyles
[ .071. ] actor: johnny depp *drools*, keanu reeves *drools some more*
[ .072. ] actress: angelina jolie, sandra bullock
[ .073. ] candy: skittle
[ .074. ] gum: red something...it's cinnamon
[ .075. ] scent: uh...lalalaa
[ .076. ] candy bar: anything above75% dark chocolate and i'm gooooo-ooood
[ .077. ] ice cream flavor: coffee
[ .078. ] color: black, blood red, pink, purple
[ .079. ] season: autumn
[ .080. ] holiday: HALLOWEEN
[ .081. ] band: kittie, linking park, no doubt, t.a.t.u, evanescence, garbage
[ .082. ] singer: pink, bif naked, christina aguilera, avril lavigne
[ .083. ] group: isn't it the same as band????
[ .084. ] rapper: eminem
[ .085. ] type of music: industrial,metal,rock, grunge, alternative, techno, dance
[ .086. ] thing in your room: my green lamp that's hung on the wall. looks like a green bubble teehee
[ .087. ] place to be: alone, happy, in love ^_^
[ .088. ] radio station: 95.9 the mix
[ .089. ] tv channel: space channel
[ .090. ] junk food: pizza
[ .091. ] overall food: spring rolls (none cooked), pancakes, vegetarian lasagna, ceasar salad. yum yum
[ .092. ] store: yellow, freedom, carleys, the goth store
[ .093. ] shoe brand: wild thing, blossom
[ .094. ] fast food: i don't eat fast food anymore...uhm...subways?
[ .095. ] restaurant: chez kim and panini
[ .096. ] shape: trapezoid
[ .097. ] time of day: night when you can see the moon and stars
[ .098. ] country: egypt, japan
[ .099. ] state: states suck
[ .100. ] boys name: iori lol
[ .101. ] girls name: andjilyna
[ .102. ] mall: montreal trust
[ .103. ] video game: tetris attack
[ .104. ] shampoo: l'oreal intense repair mmmm bananas and watermelon
[ .105. ] board game: don't have one. not a fancy of board games really
[ .106. ] computer game: roller coaster tycoon
[ .107. ] car: uh...mustang?
[ .108. ] music video: not gonna get us by tatu (russian version though)
[ .109. ] swear word: tabarnac
[ .110. ] word: serendipity
[ .111. ] month: june *wink wink*
[ .112. ] cartoon character: sailor mars, tasmanian devil, buttercup from power puff girls
[ .113. ] scary movie: 28 days later *shivers*
[ .114. ] team: none
[ .115. ] possession: dont have one..
:What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear:
[ .116. ] eminem: candy
[ .117. ] dog: sunny
[ .118. ] hot: in here
[ .119. ] britney spears: tan in a can
[ .120. ] nsync: squeaky guys
[ .121. ] real world: hard
[ .122. ] orange: julep
[ .123. ] choice: decision
[ .124. ] fuck: you
[ .125. ] bisexual: really?
[ .126. ] black: goth
[ .127. ] icq: annoying piece of crap that keeps killing my computer! aggggh!
[ .128. ] insane clown posse: loud group
[ .129. ] linkin park: relation
[ .130. ] jack: and jill
[ .131. ] rainbow: chan
[ .132. ] cherry: lips
[ .133. ] cucumber: green
[ .134. ] shark: attack
[ .135. ] lifehouse: blahhhhhh
[ .136. ] bat: vampire
[ .137. ] leather: whip
[ .138. ] whip: it
[ .139. ] america: u.s.uck
[ .140. ] water: blue
[ .141. ] volcano: explosion
:This or That:
[ .142. ] rock or rap: rock
[ .143. ] rock or pop: rock
[ .144. ] rock or r&b: rock
[ .145. ] rock or metal: rock
[ .146. ] rap or pop: pop
[ .147. ] rap or r&b: rap
[ .148. ] rap or metal: metal
[ .149. ] pop or r&b: pop
[ .150. ] pop or metal: metal
[ .151. ] r&b or metal: metal
[ .152. ] linkin park or limp bizkit: Linkin park
[ .153. ] tool or korn: tool
[ .154. ] selena or jennifer lopez: Selena ......jlo nasty
[ .155. ] hot or cold: cold
[ .156. ] winter or summer: winter
[ .157. ] spring or fall: autumn
[ .158. ] shakira or britney: shakira
[ .159. ] icp or eminem: Eminem
[ .160. ] marilyn manson or rob zombie: both actually
[ .161. ] kittie or garbage: both!!!!!!! rullllllle
[ .162. ] mtv or vh1: none
[ .163. ] buffy or angel: buffy
[ .164. ] dawson's creek or gilmore girls: Gilmore Girls
[ .165. ] football or basketball: none thank you
[ .166. ] summer olympics or winter olympics: winter
[ .167. ] skiing or snowboarding: Snowboarding
[ .168. ] rollarblading or skateboarding: rollarblading
[ .169. ] black or white: Black
[ .170. ] orange or red: red
[ .171. ] yellow or green: green
[ .172. ] purple or pink: pink
[ .173. ] slipknot or mudvayne: none
[ .174. ] hot topic or pac sun: hot topic
[ .175. ] inside or outside: inside
[ .176. ] weed or alcohol: alcohol
[ .177. ] cell phone or pager: pager
[ .178. ] pen or pencil: Pen
[ .179. ] powerpuff girls or charlie's angels: powerpuff girls
[ .180. ] scooby doo or dino: dinoooooooooo lol
[ .181. ] dragon ball z or pokemon: digimon
[ .182. ] star wars or star trek: none. didn't like either
[ .183. ] tattoos or piercings: tattoos
[ .184. ] prep or punk: punk
[ .185. ] slut or whore: slut.....yea.....
:Private Life:
[ .186. ] do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend: indeed i do
[ .187. ] do you have a crush: i had a crush on my bf for 7 months
[ .188. ] do you love anyone right now: yes
[ .189. ] have you ever been in love: i don't think that was love at all...
[ .190. ] how many people of you kissed: 4
[ .191. ] who was your first kiss: matthew. please kill me for that *shudders*
[ .192. ] how many hearts of have you broken: 2 :(
[ .193. ] how many people broke your heart: 1
[ .194. ] best quote to sum up love: love is like fireworks. you feel completely comfortable being with a person that you are with and feel so happy that you are blushing and smiling all of the time feeling like you're going to explode with happiness and it feels like if you've known this person forever...or lookie here. here's the definition at dictionary.com since I can't elaborate clearly enough: A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
and this is from chanty...lol i need as much as possible! bwahahaa'you know you're in love when the person smiles at you and you feel like you've swallowed a cup of hot chocolate on a cold day'
[ .195. ] so what is your bf/gf/crush like: sweet, romantic, handsome, just...so smushy
[ .196. ] do you have a picture of him/her: yeppers
[ .197. ] please post it if you do: he's MINE lol
[ .198. ] do you have a picture of yourself: some
[ .199. ] please post it if you do: hell no..
[ .200. ] do you go by looks or personality: id like to say just personality.. but looks do help..
[ .201. ] ever kiss a friend: yep
[ .202. ] are you still friends: look at me now
[ .203. ] so moving along..do you smoke: cigarettes are evil
[ .204. ] do you smoke weed: nope
[ .205. ] ever trip on acid: nope
[ .206. ] how about a little x: nope
[ .207. ] crack, heroin, anything else: nah...
[ .208. ] beer good or beer bad: BAD!! EVIL!! beer belly ickkkk
[ .209. ] are you the sissy who drinks wine coolers: they're yummy :P
[ .210. ] do you like smirnoff ice: 3 and i'm SMASHED
[ .211. ] prefer beer or liquor: liquor
[ .212. ] what kind of cigarettes do you smoke: me no smokies
[ .214. ] if no, when was the last time you got some: ........
:Would You Ever:
[ .215. ] bungee jump: no
[ .216. ] sky dive: i dunno...
[ .217. ] swim with dolphins: would love to
[ .218. ] scuba dive: tiny sinuses...can't go deep into water without getting massive headache
[ .219. ] go rock climbing: sure
[ .220. ] eat shit for $1,000,000: what the hell????? no
[ .221. ] turn your back on your friends for personal gain: you sick fuck
[ .222. ] steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: doesn't pass my morals
[ .223. ] cross-dress: i'm a girl...and i've already dressed like a tomboy in highschool
[ .224. ] lie to the police: never have
[ .225. ] run from the police: nope
[ .226. ] lie to your parents: lied to my mum twice in one day. first time
[ .227. ] walk up to a stranger and kiss them: nope
[ .228. ] be an exotic dancer: *stares blankly*
[ .229. ] walk out of a restaurant without paying: No
[ .230. ] streak: eeeeeeeks
:Friends:
[ .231. ] best friend: alex, chanty, and shannon are pretty equal to moi
[ .232. ] known longest: sonia
[ .233. ] wish you talked to more: to everyone
[ .234. ] wish you saw more: alex
[ .235. ] how many friends do you think you have: don't know
[ .236. ] who drives you insane after a while: howard
[ .237. ] who can you stay around forever and never get sick of: dave, giulio, and eliz IN THE SAME ROOM lol
[ .238. ] ever lose a good friend because you took it to the 'next level': nope
[ .239. ] craziest: shannon
[ .240. ] loudest: giulio
[ .241. ] shyest: me.. but i'm also very crazy
[ .242. ] best hair: chili
[ .243. ] can always make you laugh: shannon
[ .244. ] best eyes: dave and alex
[ .245. ] best body: guy: lalallaa*blush* girl:alex
[ .246. ] most athletic: giulio
[ .247. ] sex symbol: HAHAHAHA
[ .248. ] hot tempered: chantal
[ .249. ] most impatient: chili
[ .250. ] shortest: me
[ .251. ] tallest: scott
[ .252. ] talented: all of em
[ .253. ] best singer: alex
[ .254. ] skinniest: alex *cries*
[ .255. ] nicest: they're all great
[ .256. ] best personality: shannon and alex
[ .257. ] biggest drug user: none. we're good lol
:Have You Ever:
[ .258. ] flashed someone: no
[ .259. ] told the person you liked how you felt: yep
[ .260. ] been to michigan: no
[ .261. ] gotten really REALLY wasted: um...i'd have to ask my friends for reference *blush*
[ .262. ] gone to jail or juvi: Nope
[ .263. ] skateboarded: yes and fell
[ .264. ] skinny dipped: no
[ .265. ] stolen anything: no
[ .266. ] wanted to kick my ass for making this so long: it's getting there
[ .267. ] kicked someone's ass: many people's ass. just a little kick though. no k.o.
[ .268. ] pegged someone in the head with a snowball: Yes
[ .269. ] broke a beer bottle: no
[ .270. ] gotten into a bar, under-aged: nope
[ .271. ] kissed someone of the same sex: on the cheek...its curtousy...
[ .273. ] gone on a road trip: Nope
[ .274. ] gone on vacation without adult supervision: yeppers
[ .275. ] been to a concert: yea. backstreet boys when i was 14 . don't laugh. *points* you DID laugh didn't you? *chases you with empty coke bottle*
[ .276. ] been to another country: the states grrr
[ .277. ] talked back to an adult: yup
[ .278. ] got pulled over: nope
[ .279. ] go in a car accident: nope
[ .280. ] broke a law: no
[ .281. ] given money to a homeless person: Yes
[ .282. ] tried to kill yourself: too many times in my "dark ages"
[ .283. ] cried to get out of trouble: no
[ .284. ] kissed a friend's brother or sister: nope
[ .285. ] kissed a brother or sister's friend: nope
[ .286. ] dropped something on the floor that you were cooking and let someone eat it anyway: always give to cats or rat
:Opinions:
[ . 287. ] what do you think...about pop music: its overrated
[ .288. ] about boy bands: lmfao...at 12 i though they were the shit...damn even at 14 :(
[ .289. ] about flag burning: meh
[ .290. ] of the war on terrorists: enough about it already!!!!*head explodes
[ .291. ] about suicide: not for other people...
[ .292. ] about people who try to force their opinions on you: They are ignorant...
[ .293. ] about abortion: if I were pregnant I wouldn't be able to. it would kill me inside just to think of...*goes braindead*
[ .294. ] about rock/metal music: hell yeah :-)
[ .295. ] where do you think you'll be in 10 years: working in a top hair salon having my own chair, married to a wonderful guy, and have a few kids. lol.
[ .296. ] who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: chantal, dave, alex, shannon, giulio, chili, scott
:What did you do:
[ .297. ] last birthday: nothing. had no party. my friends forgot about my bday last year *cries* i'm oki
[ .298. ] yesterday: woke up next to turkey,ate tons, and went to work
[ .300. ] christmas: went out
[ .301. ] thanksgiving: did some random things i cannot remember
[ .302. ] new year's eve: had a drink, crying my eyes out wondering what the hell to do with the situation of being unhappy with chili at the chalet. Worst new year's eve ever
[ .303. ] halloween: halloween party at lizzie's
[ .304. ] easter: worked at the post office with no customers! yay
[ .305. ] valentine's day: the day after had a singles party with some rather freaky games
:The Last:
[ .306. ] thing you ate: piece of homemade caramel cake
[ .307. ] thing you drank: water
[ .308. ] thing you wore: polar pants and dave's t-shirt
[ .309. ] place you went: work tonight
[ .310. ] thing you got pierced/tattooed: labret in april but it broke off and closed up
[ .311. ] person you saw: dave
[ .312. ] person you kissed: ozzie
[ .313. ] person you fucked: *blush*
[ .314. ] person you talked to: dave
[ .315. ] song you heard: intuition by jewel at work
:Now:
[ .316. ] what are you eating: nothing
[ .317. ] what are you drinking: nothing..
[ .318. ] what are you wearing: same thing as the last thing I wore
[ .319. ] any shoes on: nope
[ .320. ] hair: messy unbrushed hair with hairspray
[ .321. ] listening to: can't fight the moonlight by leanne rimes
[ .322. ] talking to anyone: howard on msn
[ .323. ] are you pissed i made this so long: Nope...*makes out with survey maker*...ummmm,wait lol
:Yes or No:
[ .324. ] are you a vegetarian: nope but i rarely eat meat.
[ .325. ] do you like cows: mooo
[ .326. ] are you a bitch: on my bad days yes
[ .327. ] are you artistic: people tell me i am
[ .328. ] do you write poetry: nope
[ .329. ] are you a fast runner: i sprint for a few seconds and then fall to the floor gasping for air
[ .330. ] can you ski:used to
[ .331. ] are you british: no
[ .332. ] do you want to spear britney: No
[ .333. ] do the voices talk to you:yup there telling me to kill u now..*pulls out knife*
[ .334. ] did you ever give barbie a haircut: most of em were bald
[ .335. ] would you eat mac &cheese with hot dogs in it: no macdogies for me THANK YOU
[ .336. ] do you think disney creators were on acid when they made 'alice in wonderland': naaaaa just too much coffee
[ .337. ] are you straight: i like girls too...but never kissed or did anything more.
[ .338. ] are you stupid? Insane? physically handicapped? no, yes, no
[ .339. ] are you fat: Yes
[ .340. ] are you skinny: ppl tell me i am...
[ .341. ] are you short: call me shorty
[ .342. ] are you tall: No
[ .343. ] do you own a hot pink shirt: yup
[ .344. ] how about orange pants: nope
[ .345. ] can you see the flying monkeys: no
[ .346. ] are you evil: yes i am...
[ .347. ] did you ever know someone who had a mullet: nope lol
[ .348. ] is britney a whore: are you?
[ .349. ] are you a teenage zombie: nah...
[ .350. ] am i annoying you: impatience rising...rising...
[ .351. ] do you like marilyn manson: he ain't THAT bad
[ .352. ] are you secretly from another planet: Nope
[ .353. ] did you ever touch someone else's private parts: *blush
[ .354. ] do you shop at hot topic: nope and i don't have a credit card to buy at that shop even though i wish *drool* beaty goth stuff
:Random Questions:
[ .355. ] if you could be any animal, what would you be: a magical cat from harry potter
[ .356. ] if you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be: tonkinese soup with the brown sauce lol
[ .357. ] do you remember any of your dreams: yes
[ .358. ] do you dream in color or black and white: both
[ .359. ] do you admit when you need help with a problem: rarely...
[ .360. ] can people read you like a book: i don't think so
[ .361. ] what's your biggest fear: being fat, unsucessful and ugly...maybe i'm all 3 now
[ .362. ] do you talk a lot: sometimes i just don't shut up
[ .364. ] do you like spiders: only the big ones freak me out
[ .365. ] how about grape kool-aid: nope
[ .366. ] can you drive: never tried
[ .367. ] are you spoiled: yes i am by you know who *poke
[ .368. ] are you anti-social: I can be
[ .369. ] do you see dumb people: Yes
[ .370. ] do you see dead people: no
[ .371. ] any last words: i can't seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
[ .372. ] now that this is over, what are you going to do: go to bed. it's almost 1 am goddamit
x 7/14/2003 01:04:00 AM x
Sunday, July 13, 2003 Yesterday I froze outside to watch the fireworks near Papineau metro station. I went there directly after work to meet shannon and chantal. I didn't think it would be THAT cold so all I had was a t-shirt. I froze my ass near the water huddling close with shannon to keep warm. What else is new? I wake up this morning with a dry cough. tabarnac. my exams are coming near and i think that i am ready, but i am already getting jitters. food is becoming evil again and it's so hard. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore...:(
princess ;
x 7/13/2003 11:09:00 PM x
Tuesday, July 08, 2003 Yes...once again nobody is showing up online...arg. And I actually make a sacrifice of my deprivation of sleep to see some of my friends online. heh. ~_~ ^___^ I think that this is enough for one night how about you? *falls to floor fast asleep* zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
princess ;
You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
-Sensitive- You're Sensitive, and you'd like to
stay that way. Sorry,listened to a bit too much
Jewel there. You're sweet and very emotionally
charged. You definitely love the person you're
with, and always want to know how they're
feeling so you can make sure they're happy.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Beauty.
You are beautiful, whether it be on the inside, the
outside, or both. People are drawn to you as
strongly as you are drawn to the beauty in the
world around you.
What Emotion Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your Heart is Red
What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla
kiss on the lips - you're sweet and simple but
quite daring. you move for the kill confidently
knowing the other person wants the same thing.
What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Raver Bear
Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You come from the Night Sky. You're drawn to the
stars and planets, and it's no wonder why, you
came from them.
Where Did Your Soul Originate?
brought to you by Quizilla
I am an overly happy A.D.D kitten
Which cute or possibly strange kitten are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
x 7/08/2003 01:16:00 AM x
Saturday, July 05, 2003 me extremely bored again...nobody is showing up online goddamit! blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.........falling...asleep...11:11pm...why won't anyone show up? *cries* yay
princess ;
You represent... naivete.
So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at
times, but it's only because you're not sure
how to act. You give off that "I need to
be protected vibe." Remember that not all
people are good. Being too trusting will get
you easily hurt.
What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
Water Goddess. You like peace and serenity and are
usually content with life.
What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla
What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud
which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Goth
What Kind of Goth Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
x 7/05/2003 11:26:00 PM x
Yes...once again I haven't posted anything up in a loooooooooong time. I've ben quite busy you see ^_~ I have about 1 hour of sleep in my system from last night. I took a nap of an hour or so and hoped to see some friends online after i woke up, but i guess that 10 minutes to 11pm is too early for everyone to show up :P. Teeehee. Kraft dinner is pure EVIL, but sooooooooo great at the same time eh? *poke poke nudge nudge* its too funny. fun fun. my mind is so out of it that i am not able to write anything else that makes sense tonight unless i get more sleep.
princess ;
x 7/05/2003 10:59:00 PM x
Thursday, June 26, 2003 While I was doing the inventory for class today I heard these two songs in the span of 10 minutes. I was really happy to hear them again. Karaoke singing madness woohoo! The lyrics make me get goosebumps all over... Under a lover's sky
You can try to resist
There's no escape from love
You can try to resist
No matter what you do
You can try to resist
also...not to forget... Would you dance if I asked you to dance?
Would you tremble if I touched your lips?
I can be your hero, baby
Would you swear that you'll always be mine?
I can be your hero, baby
Oh, I just want to hold you
I can be your hero, baby
I can be your hero, baby
I can be your hero I keep thinking that this is all a dream...that it could have never happened to me. The happiness overcomes me like a mist that makes my stomach do flip flops, heart race, and cheeks turn bright pink. Such intensity...is this it?
princess ;
Gonna be with you
And no one's gonna be around
If you think that you won't fall
Well just wait until, 'til the sun goes down
Underneath the starlight, starlight
There's a magical feeling so right
It will take you tonight
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark
You'll surrender your heart
Don't you know, don't you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight
No, you can't fight it
It's gonna get to your heart
Once the gentle breeze weaves it's spell upon your heart
No matter what you think
It won't be long 'til you're in my arms
Underneath the starlight, starlight
We'll be lost in a rhythm so right
Feel it steal your heart tonight
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark
You'll surrender your heart
Don't you know, don't you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight
No, you can't fight it
The night is gonna get you
Can't fight it, don't try it
You're never gonna win
'Coz underneath the starlight, starlight
There's a magical feeling so right
It will steal your heart tonight
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark
You'll surrender your heart
Don't you know, don't you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight
No, you can't fight it
Would you run and never look back?
Would you cry if you saw me cryin'?
And would you save my soul tonight?
Would you laugh?
Oh please tell me this
Now would you die for the one you loved?
Hold me in your arms tonight
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away
Or would you lie?
Would you run and hide?
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care, you're here tonight
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away
I just want to hold you, oh yeah
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
Well, I don't care, you're here tonight
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away
I can kiss away the pain
And I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away
You can take my breath away
x 6/26/2003 07:51:00 AM x
Tuesday, June 24, 2003 I think that any action that a person does or happens to them, happens for a reason. I don't have any exact examples right now, but that's how I see how my life has been for the past few days and I am in much happiness ^__^
princess ;
x 6/24/2003 02:15:00 AM x
Sunday, June 22, 2003 I slept about 15 hours last night and I still feel tired. I think I caught a cold. I've eaten 2 bowls of cereal at around 7pm, 4 pieces of watermelon at 9ish, and some spaghetti about 30 minutes ago and my stomach is in pain...I shouldn't have eaten so much. I feel like if knives are going through my body. arg. Doing clientele tomorrow again. I wonder if many students will show up cause of la st jean weekend. meh. I'm just rambling as usual. Don't know what to talk about and my brain is mush
princess ;
x 6/22/2003 10:37:00 PM x
Saturday, June 21, 2003 I am at my aunt's house right now and I am crazily bored. My mum and my aunt are upstairs trying to win an argue with my grandpa and my granny is just looking at them, my brother and my two cousins are going to a transvestite bar which I have no idea WHY they are, and I'm in the cool basement staring at a computer. What a beautiful saturday night! *cough sarcasm cough cough* I have nothing at all to do tomorrow apart from the usual home chores and stuff. I want to do something, but not something that really consists of money ^^' I called work today and I still have nothing for this week. Much pissed off. I told the girl to find me something or else I'm gone. There isn't much of a point of me being there in the first place if nobody's even gonna give me 4 hours in 7 days! *falls to floor*
princess ;
x 6/21/2003 08:53:00 PM x
I feel much better now. I went to see the hulk yesterday and laughed my head off. Yes i know. It's not supposed to be a comedy, but there were so many jokes and patheticness of certain things I couldn't help myself. Example: he gets mad and busts everything (not really an example since he does this pretty often but anywho) and the first thing that pops in my head is "WHO ATE MY CORN POPS??!?!??!?" bwahahaa i still can't laughing. Even the part that he catches a missle and rips off the bomb part of it and spits it at a helecopter. petewee heheheee.
princess ;
x 6/21/2003 02:45:00 PM x
Wednesday, June 18, 2003 I hate/dislike... cigarette smoke, cel phones, jessica, my belly, papers for the permanente, french radio stations, cramped metro and bus, blisters, my right hand, shaking hands, too much heat, and thinking negatively. I am/feel useless, pathetic, annoying, stressed, fat, hungry, full, angry, stressed, cramped, bloated, stinging, bleeding, sad, overwhelmed, alone in my heart, and pissed. I've had a really bad day...i wish it would all go away...
princess ;
x 6/18/2003 06:03:00 PM x
One of those forwards again, but this one has a real message about real friends *hugs* A simple friend has never seen you cry.
princess ;
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears. -
A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in their address book.-
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you
clean. -
A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call. -
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems. -
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it. -
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself. -
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you HAVE an
argument.
A real friend calls you after you had a fight. -
A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!
x 6/18/2003 01:01:00 AM x
Friday, June 13, 2003 I was reading this from one of the girls posts in the forum that I am in. So many quotes it ain't funny. NOT ONE BIT. Time spent wasting is not wasted time one day i will be thin enough,no disfiguring flesh. just the pure clear shape of my bones.That is what we all are, What we are made up of and everything else is just storage,deposit,waste.Strip it away,use it up.No returns. In the body,as in sculpture,perfection,is attained not when there is nothing left to add,but when there is nothing left to take away. Its not deprivation,its liberation. When i wake,i'm empty,light headed. I like to stay this way,pale and pure,light on my feet,traveling light. For me food only interest lies in how little i need,how strong i am, how well i can resist,each time achieving another small victory of the will. Like a plant,surely the body can be trained to live on nothing to take its nourishment from the air. When you coast without eating for a significant amount of time,and you're still alive,you begin to scoff at those fools who belive they must eat to live.It is blantantly obvious that this is not true. If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it The difference between failure and success is doing a thing nearly right and doing it exactly right. Success comes to those who become success conscious. Failure comes to those who indifferently allow themselves to become failure conscious. *pain is only as real as you allow it to be* hearts live by being wounded I am your butter and your bread. The voice that's in your head. I'll take you in and fill you up with a lack of being fed The word is control. That's my ultimate - to have control. An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist – but ordinary's just not good enough today Our greatest glory comes not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. *For those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don't, none will do* If you criticize another person's efforts, just be certain that you can do the job better . Second, be certain that you would give of your time to do the job. *The strongest things in the world often seem the weakest.
A person needs to be loved the most when he deserves to be loved the least. Sometimes we have our hearts set on the wrong things, and what we regard as misfortunes or disappointments may be the very means of making possible what could other - wise not be achieved *You say you'll understand, BUT YOU WON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND* Don't do anything today that you'll regret tomorrow You've made a decision: you will NOT stop. The pain is necessary, especially the pain of hunger. It reassures you that you are strong, can withstand anything, that you are NOT a slave to your body, that you don't have to give in to it's whining Nothing, nothing’s wrong, and asking is against the rules. Crying is against the rules too. Your strong, don’t let them break you. They’re trying to destroy you. My head is like a little courtroom. I’m the accused, the defendant, the attorney for the defense, the prosecuting attorney and the judge is a great big scale *They always say they are concerned about me, about my health, when all the want to do is pin me down and force-feed me: with lies, with what they call love. Like prisoners everywhere, all I have left is the power to refuse* The ones with **** on them are the ones I relate to the most or like the best
princess ;
For instance: gentleness is stronger than cruelty,
patience is stronger than impatience,
mercy is stronger than revenge,
and love is stronger than hate.*
x 6/13/2003 12:39:00 AM x
Thursday, June 12, 2003 After drinking a bubble tea with Dave last night I went home and slept. I wasn't feeling too well and my head was spinning. I woke up this morning after a little over 12 hours of sleep and still felt like sleeping another 12 hours. I had brekkies with my mom and got to school late, but still got to colour my dummy which was loads of fun. I was so out of it yesterday and I couldn't remember everything that I had talked about or even heard about. Gah. Yesterday I only had a muffin plus that bubble tea...i guess that didn't help much. Today I ate loads of food, but I still feel crappy. I guess my body is still pretty altered after all of this time...I hate this neverending war. I still don't want to eat, but at the same time I do *cries* life sucks we have to deal with it. ugh...:(
princess ;
x 6/12/2003 11:49:00 PM x
Tuesday, June 10, 2003 A man came into our class and asked for "models" for an Inter-Dec commercial. Everyone absoletly wanted to be picked. The guy tells me that I can't be in it. He doesn't give a reason. Only after Mylaine asks cause she didn't get picked either the guy says that she didn't fit in the category. She just blurts out "A cause que shu pas 6 pieds et pas de cheveux longs/blonds shu pas bonne? D'la marde!" Yea. She's pretty straight forward. I agreed with her though. The only other girl that wasn't accepted was Zakia, but i mean the girl is almost 9 months pregnant cmon. I felt somewhat shitty since good ol' Jess got chosen once again. She was in the last two promotions of the school and even got to be seen in the journal "ici". Later I felt better cause we were doing morphologie and had to measure our partener's face to see how "classical" (meaning close to perfectly proportional) they were. I was in the high classical area. My face is pretty proportionned except the area from the bottom of my nose to my chin is larger than the other two. It was fun ^_^ I wanted to play some ddr today. The owner told me not to play barefoot anymore. I've been playing barefoot for TWO years for crying out loud! So yea...after two games of slipping and sliding with sneaker sandals I left and won't be going back unless they change the owner again. I had a date square at 9h00 and a little more than half a whole wheat baguette at 12h30. I had about half a bag of microwave popcorn at 22h30. I've been doing sit ups like mad. My belly is bugging me and it's hanging ^-~
princess ;
x 6/10/2003 11:48:00 PM x
This is yesterday's post since blogger's server was down I did rollers on 2 heads in 2 and a half hours which I am proud of. Rollers are different than bigoudis. Bigoudis are what you use for perms and you have to put a paper thingy at the end which i detest. Rollers is simply twist and roll. WAY easier. Enough boredom for any viewers that are still awake. Ooh! To wake you guys up silly jen here toasted the top of her finger with a curling iron too and reacted too slowly. Only realised it was burning after 2 seconds. me goofball. I didn't have much to eat today-school habit...I had date square at 10h00, mini cheese pizza from dawson at 12h15, and 4 chicken wings and 5 tortilla chips with spinach, artichoke, and cheese dip at 19h30. About a week ago I got another freaky dream. This time I was in the arms of one guy and his face kept changing. It was Giu and Dave's face. When my dreams are THAT weird and simply cannot come true, I feel that they have a deeper meaning. The way I see it is that I am confused about both guys. That's all that I can come up with since I have no other clue what it could mean.
princess ;
x 6/10/2003 10:42:00 PM x
Sunday, June 08, 2003 I ate somewhat of a normal diet today, but I feel like royal poop. I have a migraine plus my stomach is hurting. I had scrambled eggs with half a nectarine. Lunch was a ham sandwhich with some seaweed snacks and a blueberry yogurt. Supper was a very small bowl of chili with fries. I had a large smushy vanilla/chocolate cone for a snack. So bloated. So full...I feel huge...but i don't want to feel huge :(
princess ;
x 6/08/2003 09:02:00 PM x
I had a talk with dave really late last night cause i was feeling really down. He walked me home from his place. I told him how I was always afraid to other people's expectations, my low-self esteem, me being a perfectionist, and how I don't eat like normal people do. Like when I am stressed I don't eat for hours or even days on end. He was worried and said I should just give my all when I do things and not to take things too seriously or compare myself. I am who i am. Nobody can be like me. I want to get better. I want to eat healthy. I still want to lose, but not the unhealthy way. It makes me sick and feel ill. I have to be strong.
princess ;
x 6/08/2003 01:40:00 AM x
Friday, June 06, 2003 One thing I can really not stand is when I am standing in line for a ride and a shitload of kids just bump in front or in back or beside you so "meet up with friends". They should wait like everyone else who is standing in line. There is no special let through pass. I wish I had the guts to actually tell those fucking kids off. I waited 1 hour to go on the new ride Manitou because about 20 kids passed in front of me and Chi. I just wanted to wring that damn girl's neck...*breathes* I need to relax more hmmm???
princess ;
x 6/06/2003 12:02:00 AM x
Thursday, June 05, 2003 Sadly I've found this on a site that was recently updated in blogger and it caught my eye cause it cheered me up. Plus, the girl's name is jen ^_^ "quote"
princess ;
What's up frigidaire.
You are 25% pickup-able! You're cold and unapproachable, like a big glacier that's unapproachable. And cold. Unlike the Arctic tundra, few even venture to plant their flag in you. You're definitely not a Scorpio, unless you were born between October 23 and November 21. The bad news is that you'll end up miserable and alone, probably knitting doilies out of cat hair. The good news is that this is apparently what you want. Honestly, I don't even feel comfortable talking to you right now, so I'm just gonna go… yeah… wash my friend's hair.
*sigh*
This is especially sad given that I'm apparently quite dateable. At least, according to the Spark--and they always know what they're talking about.
"quote"
x 6/05/2003 12:49:00 AM x
Some people drive me so mad, so up the wall that I wish I could rip their head off, but unfortunately in this world killing someone is illegal. For one example, a girl in my class named Jessica. She is really good at what she does and works fast as well. Sure I am jealous, but jealousy that is to the extreme. I always compare myself to her and she pisses me off when she says "it looks bad" or "i was too slow" when actually she could win a prize for what she's done or she's finished before everyone else. The way she acts as well. She always stares at me when she makes comments on asians cause she knew that I got pissed a while ago when she called my friends chinks. Also, she keeps making comments on how all skinny people are anorexic. It doesn't mean that you have to be skinny to be anorexic! I am perfect proof of that! Another person which bugs the hell out of me "insert name here" irratates the living heck out of me. The person complains all of the time about life, people around the person, and random stuff to the extreme and doesn't even bother to do anything about it. Also, when there are things happening, he won't even do the most LOGICAL thing to do. I don't have the heart to tell the person that it is pissing me off and that I don't want to have much contact with that person anymore. I am glad that I am not alone in this case... I had a terrible day at school. Already with miss Jessica over there doing perfectly on her montage of bigoudis (6 areas) I only got to do 2 with way too much difficulty. I ripped some hair out of my dummy plus broke a bigoudi. I wanted to punch something so fucking hard and I still do, but my left knuckle is hurting me from hitting a wall last night cause I was pissed at person #2 plus at myself once again. It's so sad...getting that feeling again. Power and weakness at the same time. It's overpowering and can be addictive...~i tried to kill the pain...but only brought more~it's already come back now...*__*Old habits never die do they I absolutely hate being played with my mind. First someone says one thing, then something else pops up. Why don't they just tell the truth up front and stop messing with my mind? Why can't they just be real and not fake everything... food food...I ate 2 packages of oatmeal with 3 teaspoons of flax seed with a banana this morning and that's it. Fasting again. I still don't have the new scale yet, but i want to fast as long as i can and when I wil finally get the scale that I will have gone down to at least 115. I chewed and spit out a teaspoon of cottage cheese 30 minutes ago and I am glad that I didn't swallow. I wouldn't have been happy...played 4 games of level 6-7-8 ddr today and was exausted, but felt great at the same time=burned some cals.
princess ;
x 6/05/2003 12:41:00 AM x
Tuesday, June 03, 2003 I did really well today. I had a tiny smushy vanilla ice cream cone at 12pmish, a stuffed pepper with meat, rice, salad, and potatoes at 8pmish, and a small piece of baklava at 12am. The baklava is making me sick though, but I don't want to purge even if my body is almost begging me to. Purging is EVIL. *cries* why why???? I might be going karaoke singing tomorrow! yay ^_^ I really cannot wait. I usually like going in a large group, but in a group of max 6 people is just as fun, or even more. We get to sing more often and there's less pickyness in songs.
princess ;
x 6/03/2003 12:52:00 AM x
Sunday, June 01, 2003 I hate my stupid scale. At home I would weigh something like 122-124 every other day. I weighed 118 at lizzie's house and at someone else's about the same. It's been screwing me over goddamit! So yea...I'm gonna get myself a new scale sometime soon. It's going to be weird not weighing myself every morning till i get it. Also, food wise I did good yesterday, but stupidly enough I purged after eating a cookie plus a wafer snack. I felt horrible before and after it all arg...Plus tonight too. Had 2 muffins and 1 cookie and off to the washroom i go! I also heard from the others that I am a bad drunk...somewhat. I was fooling around with these three guys like slapping and stuff, but I ended up hurting them more in the long run. This guy Joss's back was completely red and this morning he had some purple areas :( I seriously CANNNOT WAIT until august 15th. Last day of my summer classes. I really want to go to giu's cottage with my closest friends and have a blast of a time. Go swimming in the lake, hang around outside and play some badminton or something. Heh. You know those stupid drinking games? Those are always great stress relievers, but funny as hell at the same time. Either it's asshole and the prez makes you drink certain drinks, or playing KINGS and making a total fool out of yourself. *sigh* I feel like dancing in the living room too. Like at 11pm, people half sloshed and just being happy...I guess that I have too many hopes...
princess ;
x 6/01/2003 10:16:00 PM x
Friday, May 30, 2003 This will sound silly, but I wrote this in the forum at the sanitarium. I felt like posting it so HA! But yes...it's almost like 2 posts in one for today, but I don't give a damn..... I feel like a fat cow. I ate so much today arg...
princess ;
2 packets of oatmeal (peaches and cream) with 2 teaspoons of flax seed (thanks dollshape!)
2 small pieces of baklava
1/4 of a plate of assorted greek food
2 bowls of carrot soup with pieces of mushy tofu
about 10 crackers with salmon cream cheese
4 pieces of york mini thingies
I played 2 games of ddr on level 6-7 and I am so low on energy. I got a boom box today and my mum asked me where all of my strength went. I had trouble lifting it onto my shoulder! I know I was at least a good 20 pounds or more, but I felt so weak from the almost 3 complete days of fasting...
*sigh* life sucks and we have to deal with it huh
~fire~
x 5/30/2003 01:00:00 AM x
I ate so much today compared to yesterday and I feel like a blimp. I felt way better than yesterday in thinking and performance wise. I came in one and a half hours late for class this morning and I caught up and even got better results than most of my class! THAT I was really proud of. I got my boom box today! I am really happy for that too. The sound is AMAZING and I can finally listen to some music in my room again! woohoo!
princess ;
x 5/30/2003 12:32:00 AM x
Wednesday, May 28, 2003 Well, I broke my fast today at 5pm tonight. All I had today was 2 pieces of baklava, 1 banana, 1 peach, 2 slices of toast with low fat cheese and croutons, and 1 large chicken tonkinese soup...I was at 119 this morning ^__^ I went to dave's resto with vicky tonight for some soup and saw dave's mum's hand...my GOD it looks painful. There was a massive bubble covering most of her hand. -__- I hope she gets better soon
princess ;
x 5/28/2003 11:17:00 PM x
Let's see if this works...
princess ;
x 5/28/2003 12:07:00 AM x
Tuesday, May 27, 2003 second day of not eating! woohoo! I got slightly tempted by some baklava that was on the kitchen counter earlier, but I resisted ^_^. I also said no twice to friends who offered me food which felt amazing. I'm really happy right now. I didn't exercise, but I was at 121 this morning and 120 tonight. *sigh* about bloody time! I saw dave this morning at the metro. He told me his mum fell in the kitchen and burned her hand with a pot...and to think that i think last week she went to the hospital to get her knees checked only to find out that she has water in them. OUCH. I wish I could make all of the pain go away...
princess ;
x 5/27/2003 11:45:00 PM x
"testin testin for new template....
princess ;
x 5/27/2003 01:12:00 AM x
Monday, May 26, 2003 Today i've had 3 cups of coffee and i lost count of how many cups of tea...no food. Fasting. Hopefully as long as I can. I'm not saying how many days I'd want to fast cause I usually end up breaking it...
Already some viewers have asked me who this mystery kisser was and I still keep my word. I shall tell nobody, unless that day "surprisingly" happens. Meaning-have no clue when. So stop asking! lol I've felt like singing and dancing choreographs again. I had so much fun in highschool doing so, plus extra exercise! I'm really out of shape choreography wise...it's been WAY too long. Need to go karaoke singing again. ADDICTIVE I TELL YOU!
princess ;
I've done 4 games of level 6-7 ddr on boost. getting better!
x 5/26/2003 11:00:00 PM x
Sunday, May 25, 2003 I always wonder if I have this special gift or if it's just a fluke, but any dream that I've had either that I've remembered or passed on like a deja vu comes true. To the point that I remember every detail, from the patterns on the wall to the stitches on the shirt of the person standing next to me. An example of when I was back in highschool: I am in a misty place and I have to idea where the heck I am. This guy Ganesha shows up and asks me to dance. We do, even though it is my first time and I am nervous like mad. I feel his left hand on my back and his right on my hip. He moves his fingers along my back and it gives me shivers down my back. I wake up and I tell my friend Marie about it and she tells me it's nothing. Half a year later it's her birthday and after a half assed party, Ganesha asks me to dance with him. We dance and he puts his left hand on my back and his right on my hip. He moved his fingers along my back and it gives me shivers. I felt odd and excited at the same time. Thinking "wow. it's my first slow dance" and nothing else. Later, while falling asleep at Marie's house she blurts out "OMG! your dream came true jen!" I was stunned and shocked about it. I didn't even think about the dream since it was out of my mind. Some dreams I get I don't remember until the situation happens, but it consists of people i don't know. Let's say for example, there is a guy shouting at the corner of a street with another guy and a dog scratching itself. I would have never seen those guys or that dog before, but I would feel extremely familiar with the actions and the location. I would feel like if I am floating Ok. So this post was coming to the point of the dream that I got last night. It felt so much more real than any of the others I've ever had before. I swore that it was happening RIGHT THEN. From the breath touching my skin to the warmth of the kiss on my cheek...I won't say who it was, but believe me, when I woke up i was fluttering and my heart was racing. I won't go into more detail since I don't know much. I just happened so suddenly and unpredictable. To let the mind wonder...is it a good thing or extremely bad thing?
princess ;
x 5/25/2003 03:36:00 AM x
Thursday, May 22, 2003
princess ;
bwahahahaa...i have NO life. And to think that I am really a scorpio hah!
You should be a Scorpio, Passionate, vibrant,
magnetic, perceptive, emotional, sensual,
alert, willful, determined, resourceful,
purposeful, directed, dominant, ambitious,
fearless, committed, intense, but can be
obsessive, extreme, vengeful, jealous,
spiteful, unforgiving, bully, menacing,
possessive, arrogant
~*What is your TRUE Zodica sign?*~
brought to you by Quizilla
Teehee! my fave male character in the xmen yay...:P
Your ideal mate is Nightcrawler. His appearance
may be a bit off-putting, but his heart and
personality more than make up for it. He is
shy and isn't very sociable and comes off as a
bit of a loner (but you'll fix that). He is
also devoted and strong, and he always seems to
just *pop* up whenever you need him the most. :
)
Who Is Your Ideal X-Men 2 Mate? (ladies only)
brought to you by Quizilla
x 5/22/2003 02:50:00 AM x
princess ;
You are Storm!
You are very strong and very protective of those
you love. You are in tune with nature and are
very concerned with justice and humanity.
Unfortunately, certain apprehensions and fears
are very hard for you to overcome, and can
often inhibit you when most need to be strong.
Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla
x 5/22/2003 02:19:00 AM x
Tuesday, May 20, 2003 Alex says it's obvious that I still like Dave. Even though we talked and nothing going to happen, I still like him anyways. I'm a freakazoid or something. I care about him and all of my friends, but I get along better with him, Alex, Giu, Chi, Chantal...and Eliz to some extent. I would do anything for these guys. They matter THAT much to me. I wouldn't know what to do without them. I told Chili about ana thursday. He didn't seem that surprised, but said that it explained a few things. Like why the fridge is always full and why my supperwas always as a "leftover" at home. The only 2 people left that I haven't told my secret to is Dave and Eliz. I am afraid, but I have a feeling that most of the truth is out. Especially with the incident at Giu's place the other week. Dave is still the same goofy self, but Eliz feels different when she's around me. It's a peculair feeling. I haven't done any bracelets or necklaces in ages. I want to make them, but I need the time and inspiration. I'd like to sell a bunch this summer at the flea market, but I'd have to ask some people if they'd like to share the space/fee if they'd want to sell anything. Like my goal to become 100 I am letting my hair grow out. Yes. I know. I have said this millions of times before and I always give-up by the fact that I can't do anything in that medium length stage. I would love to have almost waist long hair and wavy or curly...someday.
princess ;
x 5/20/2003 02:14:00 AM x
Wednesday, May 14, 2003 Today was a good day even if I was dozing off in half of my classes today. All I had today was a yogurt, small salad like yesterday, cone like yesterday, and seaweed snack ^_^ I'm still at 121, but my collarbones are showing! A girl in my class noticed that I losed weight and said that I looked really good. wohoo
princess ;
x 5/14/2003 10:35:00 PM x
princess ;
blehness
x 5/14/2003 01:12:00 AM x
Tuesday, May 13, 2003 I did plenty of exercise today...3 games of level 5-6-7-8 ddr with loads of walking and climbing up stairs. All I've had today was 20 kraft dinner noodles, a piece of cut meat (the kind they serve in sandwhiches), a large soft ice cream cone, and a small salad with light dressing with tofu and feta cheese. Weight this morning-124, this evening-121. I miss that number. I went karaoke singing again tonight and had loads of fun. I sang many songs with Cat, Eliz, and Dave. I've never heard Cat sing before and she sings really well. Eliz is so adorable when she sings and I can't describe why. Dave has improved since the first time we've all gone singing together. Chantal left unexpectedly, but I just got the message that she had gotten a page from someone. Anyways, all in all, I had a lovely evening despite the steamy/stinky room, squeaking singers, and bad tv.
princess ;
x 5/13/2003 11:43:00 PM x
I got to talk to Dave today and he told me that he was sorry for "running away" when he found out that I liked him. He also told me that he wasn't interested in a relationship with me which is fine. He was afraid that we wouldn't be friends anymore, but that isn't the case. Tonight with howard, giu, eliz, oliver, and dave's sister we had fun fooling around and things were back to normal. He wasn't afraid to talk anymore. I'm happy ^_^
princess ;
x 5/13/2003 12:38:00 AM x
Monday, May 12, 2003 Too many things going on in mind. I'm listening to Kittie again. Haven't in a long while. It's so dark, negative, and oh so true. Here's some lyrics from what i've always wanted open up it's revealed, savour this
I had some crackers plus some tostitos for the whole day. Maybe something like 400 cals worth. Cheese has way too many cals oh well. I was at 122 this morning, 2 pounds lighter than yesterday. It was odd cause when I was at Giu's place they had a thingy to weigh yourself with and I was at 115. At first I almost fainted with delight, but it was too good to be true. Giu said it didn't work properly half of the time. *cries* Life ain't fair. I got invited to go to Lizzie's house on sat 24th. I want to get a new bathing suit since the other one is nasty looking and i feel like crap in it. it's too big for me now anyways. I'm afraid of what the others will think of me again...more negative thoughts...must...stop...
princess ;
don't get lost in a lie, hit or miss,
beside myself, breakdown, with so much of you to be proved,
focus bliss,
charcoal stains,
one foot at a time,
smear those lines,
i thought i found,
what i've always wanted,
bear with me,
certainty, is not at hand,
i can't keep my eyes open,
chose not to listen
x 5/12/2003 02:58:00 AM x
Sunday, May 11, 2003 *sigh*life is depressing 3/4 of the time. Last night I went to a bbq with friends. After I ate 1/2 of burger, 3 hotdog sausages, some salad, and some sun chips I went to the washroom and threw up most of it. I came back and layed on giu's bed and chili came in asking if I was "belgian" since he was talking to the others in the kitchen, but was actually asking me if i was bulimic. That fucking pissed me off. How the fuck would he know that? I just excused myself to the washroom...Later I found out that Shannon had presumed that and told Chili. NICE. heh. I'm actually anorexic with mia tendancies and it's going vice versa. I feel bad cause I threw up food that giu bought for everyone to enjoy. i keep thinking that i'm a psyco case or something. depressing people or pissing them off. not a great thing in life. Another thing that is REALLY pissing me off is the fact that Dave won't talk to me. Yes, I know i didn't tell him in had a crush on him since EVERYONE knew before I even told half of the people I wanted to (damn gossip that spreads like wildfire). Anyways yea, now he's probably presuming that anytime i talk to him is to get into a relationship with him or get closer which isn't true. I want to be his friend and nothing more. i'm too busy with school and work to even half a so called "love life" anyways and i wouldn't want to drag anyone into my problems as it is. i can't believe i've ruined a great friendship because of my silly crush.
princess ;
x 5/11/2003 01:37:00 AM x
Friday, May 09, 2003 I am definately not proud of myself. I stayed up too late last night and slept in, so I missed my first day of school since january. Bye bye perfect record...Chanty says that's pretty good, but still. It pisses me off...I've lost control of EVERYTHING...except my social life I guess...Sadly enough I've stopped eating again, but I want to keep it that way for now. It's the only thing I can control fine til i get my fucking act together again to get to class on time and go to bed at a regular time... I tried on some pants today and I got really discouraged. Size 9 and they popped open. Cmon. I bought pretty black pants last week that were size 7/8 last week. WTF? I bought them, but I am returning em tomorrow. There is no way in fucking hell that I'll wear them. I'm posting my new goals and I won't give up until I reach them... Go to school everday ON TIME-only eat in front of the others-get up 60 minutes before I have to leave in the morning-get down to 100 lbs-size 5 MAX...yes it's shocking, but I judt don't give a damn anymore. Nothing is as good anymore...
princess ;
x 5/09/2003 12:20:00 AM x
Thursday, May 08, 2003 I haven't written in a while...that's what happens when school's out and you're partying every other night ^^ I'm still trying to get better, and it's still a war in my head. I can't believe that I lost another 2 pounds in one week conisdering monday night's "binge fest" on root beer, ice cream, skittles, and pretzels. Nasty man. I got some pineapple chicken with rice today thinking i could eat it all and I got to eat barely half of it. I ended up giving it to scott and vicky. It's so odd. Someone tonight was complaining that they didn't eat since lunch time (it was 10pmish) and that his belly was hurting. When I'm hungry I like the pain...and when I feel full it hurts so much...I'm such a sick fuck :P I am letting all of my "inner self" out. No more keeping things inside. NO more garbage. I was speaking my mind today and carlo told me "t'es dans ta s'maine ou quoi???" I was really pissed and told him off. He was pissed cause I didn't give him an explanation of why i was speaking my mind in the first place. arg. Chi told me I wasn't shutting up all day. Well too fucking bad! .........Am I a little TOO expressive? I guess so. Too bad heh. I've finally taken my mind off of dave and thinking otherwise. Start school/start over. I've also thought about going back to karate after about 12 years of absense ^^'. I'm a little afraid though considering that was how I got my first neck injury. ANyways...yea. After I'm done with school and on the work force in january. First driver's liscence and if I'm still interested in karate as well right after.
princess ;
x 5/08/2003 01:09:00 AM x
Friday, May 02, 2003 Like chanty said "I should stop wasting my time". Why do I? I'm still interested in Dave cause he's such a kind person and so fun to be around with. I always make excuses to say why I should like him, to her understanding...it's just like a reflex I guess. I just don't know. Like everything else in my fucking life. godddam it. Heh. I wanted to get better and finally get rid of ana or recovery and I wake up this morning at the weight of 119 instead of 124. The worst part of it was that I was HAPPY that I was at 119. It's my lowest weight ever and I still want it to go down. I seriously need to get my act together. School's the only thing that's good right now. Friends department is great, but sometimes I seriously wonder if I am worth it to be anywhere in this sorry little world... I want to break everything in my sight. I am really pissed at myself right now. I can't say anything that is on my mind correctly and I can't even tell dave that I like him cause I am a silly fool who can't do anything RIGHT. *cries*
princess ;
x 5/02/2003 04:04:00 AM x
I didn't think that there was THAT much preparation for auditionning for canadian idol. SHEEEEESH. I talked with Vla for over an hour jsut to know for sure what to bring and all. It might last 2 days. GOOD GOD. I don't want to stay another night downtown. I don't want it as bad as she does. I'm practically just going encouraging her...I told her I'm still going, but I am pretty discouraged to go now... I did 80 sit-ups non stop and when I got up I was extremely dizzy. Why is that? I was prefectly fine while doing the sit-ups. Oh well. I'm gonna help the others again for M.A.C. tournament. Sell some tickets and food and drinks...yea. I hope things will go well too. I want to try to do the sit-up competition if there will be one like at the demonstration. It was fun looking at them ^__^. I was talking with Chanty and it's been a year that I've started to talk to Dave. Time flies huh? I had noticed him before I talked to him, but when I first talked to him was about his injury on his face. Too funny. Heehee. He had gotten kicked twice in the groin at the last tournament too. Poor guy. Must have been painful. I'm glad I can see the tournament this year. Last year I couldn't cause of work and I got to go to the "afterparty" at scott's place. Giulio noticed on wednesday I didn't look too happy. I spent around 5-6 hours for the bubble tea advertisement for the club and nobody had thanked me. I know I am being selfish, but when Howard starts telling me what to do when I've been there for many hours before he has I start to bubble inside. Howard is a nice person, but sometimes I just want to rip his fucking head off. He keeps thinking that he is right 95% of the time when he is 50% of the time. Scott was really helpful actually. When he was there our system of the cash, talking, and making the bubble tea was actually great. HOward was pissed when I started to play haki sac with the others. I needed a fucking break. What the hell ya know? sheesh.
princess ;
x 5/02/2003 03:07:00 AM x
Wednesday, April 30, 2003 I listen to the music that helped me enbrace ana even more and it still encourages me to continue, but also to make me stronger to stop. It's a continuous war in my mind. 3/4 wants to get better, the other 1/4 still wants to become thinner and more fragile. When I am with Eliz, Dave, and Giulio the thought of not eating goes away and I am happy. When I get home and I don't do anything ana sometimes taps me on the shoulder and wonders if she is still there... I still have the habit of looking and counting almost all of the food that goes into my mouth. Bad habits are hard to get rid of! I've been getting more involved with the gang. I'm on "vacation" from school, but I still go to Dawson everyday to hang out and help them with their fund-raisings. Last week there was a demonstration with the Martial Arts Club and I helped by taking a few (crappy) pictures plus with serving some bubble tea. Tomorrow there is the "BBQ" which people show off their clubs and all. I'll be distributing some more bubble tea plus maybe do some face painting. Dave and Alex were the only one that said "thanks for helping out" last thursday. I hope I'll get some gratitude for helping out on my days off.
princess ;
x 4/30/2003 12:57:00 AM x
Monday, April 28, 2003 I am really sick of hearing about the whole SARS thing. If someone coaghs or sneezes a whole bunch of heads turn and they think that you have it. Sheesh. Ever heard of the common cold or the flu? I think I got sick after the karaoke singing on friday night. I had a blast, but my throat was killing me! Plus, I slept all day and I'm gonna go back to bed soon too. But yea, karoke was wicked. Gen came too and OMG her voice is AMAZING! It's so nice and *drools* yea...me jealous :P We DEFINATELY have to go again! I feel really better from last thursday. I went out with giulio, eliz, dave, and chi to dave's place and walked near the lachine rapids and screamed and boy did it feel great. I never screamed. I felt like if ana was seeping out of me and it was finally going away. I still haven't eaten much, but I am on my way to recovery ^__^ When we were at Mikes resto we tried to talk about our fears/what was going on in our minds cause there was way too much tension between all of us. Dave told us that he has low self-esteem. It's hard to believe that sometimes. He's so outgoing and all...I told him that I have that as well, but I guess nobody was really paying attention or anything. Too much food and beer. I also told the group that I had a deep fear that if I told everyone about it (ana) that they would all hate me and run away...I can't remember their reaction since I was all in my little corner trying to hide...I guess. heh. listening to "living on my own" by freddy mercury. I used to listen to this song back in highschool and I absolutely LOVED this song. It would make me feel so free and see the way I feel. dunno how to explain it. *growl* I can't find the lyrics...oh well. Goes something like this: Sometimes I feel I'm gonna break down and cry. Nowhere to go, nothing to do with my time, I get lonely, so lonely, living on my own... I told Alex the whole deal about my problem plus she's read my blog. She told me that she would have liked to have known sooner to help. What a sweetie. I just hope that everyone else will get that reaction once they know...
princess ;
x 4/28/2003 02:47:00 AM x
Thursday, April 24, 2003 I feel extremely depressed...it's so odd considering I had a wonderful day/evening with my friends. I guess cause I started thinking on the way home and right now too. I hate having a fucking crush. It ruins anything in a friendly relationship. Every day our friendship gets stronger and stronger. I act like myself and I feel like if there is "something there". I still act like myself and a day or two later everything changes. I almost feel like breaking down and crying right now...it's extremely pathetic as well cause I knew that I could never ever ever ever ever get this guy cause he is too good for me, like anyone else in this world...Why I am thinking negatively again? I was doing fine before...but before that happened again. I get depressed/thinking negatively, I leave my distance from my friends because I am afraid of hurting them, and I don't eat. goddammit.....me crying now. I wish I had someone's shoulder to cry on...i wish it was dave. I know it's dumb to think that...yay negativity again! *bashes head on brick wall* but i feel that whoever i'd go to they'd judge me a certain way. Howard would just argue it out, same for Carlo, Elizabeth could go "omg really?" or be totally offended since she is bigger than i am...giulio he already knows, but it's so odd..can't explain...,alex...i THINK she knows. I told her that I had somewhat of an eating disorder in highschool, but I doubt that she'd think that it would still be with me. cat I have NO clue whatsoever of what she might think, scott heh. i don't even want to think about it. I have enough on my hands that he keeps looking at me *shivers* Vicky knows, but hell no! *cries* If I even think that maybe dave would take it all negatively and just hate me for the rest of my life...I'm so afraid...I've been eating with them for the past week now. I have a feeling that they'd think I was lying since I ate with them...would that make any sense at all??? I want to get rid of my fucking anorexia, but when I feel like this or worse, it comes crawling back in open arms cause that's the only "person/thing" that will ever be there for me. I feel fat. I feel fugly. I feel repulsive. I feel gross. I feel alone. I feel sad.....Someone please help me...
princess ;
x 4/24/2003 11:49:00 PM x
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 Gonna get my labret repierced and get an idustrial on my left ear ^_^ Me quite happy. I've been trying to get better at the ana thing. It seems like if it's only a now and then thing. I somewhat at normally now, but when I am sad, mad, or anything but happy I don't eat one bit. I guess I should always be happy huh?
princess ;
x 4/22/2003 11:59:00 PM x
Saturday, April 19, 2003 Hmmm...how to start to explain my very strange/odd/exciting/sad/funny/happy party? At first, I had my exam for a hair treatment at school and I finished at about 16H30 instead of 15h00. I arrived at the metro station at 17h00and waited til 18h30 for the second group of people to show up. I was listening to my made up cd...mostly just gossip folks - missy elliot, fighter - christina aguilera, and bring me to life - evanescence. Damn that song "bring me to life" gives me shivers every single time I listen to it *shivers* teehee. Almost reminds me of how I feel sometimes...oddly that I would feel like that concerning the consequences of my life right now So I finally meet up with Shannon, Lizzie, Matt, and Elizabeth. Shannon keeps complaining that she's pmsing which is really pissing me off inside, but I would just luagh it off with her. Matt and Shannon argue a bit, Lizzie complains about the cold.... We get to Elizabeth's place and all of the people are just hanging out downstairs and playing videogames already. I really didn't want to play videogames. Chi had already drank a few beers with Scott I believe. Elizabeth announced that Howard, Shannon, and Dave want to leave at 22h00 which some of us were really sad about the news. Howard volunteered to go play some tennis. Elizabeth, Cat, Vicky, Dave, Chi, and I came along. I just didn't want to be stuck in front of a tv and not move. We get to the court and throw a few balls. I feel like a total goof since I only "played" once and served the ball to my own partner a few years back and freaked me out ever since to try to play the game. We play somewhat. I whack the ball a few times, trying to aim even though I completely miss and serve the ball and almost dislocate my shoulder. Such paaaaain. after going to the dollarstore to get some goodies, Vicky, cat, and I arrive at elizabeths to see some of them train outside. I tried training with vicky, but I couldn't do it. I wish I could train...I was so jealous of alex's agility and of dave's power *cries* I went inside to see the rest of them watching tv or playing videogames:I wasn't paying attention. I saw Shannon writing in her little book thingy and I decided to do the same. I started writing about how pissed off I was at myself for not being able to do anything anymore or even be interesting. Elizabeth came downstairs to announce that the pizza had arrived. Great. Food. I really wasn't interested, but followed upstairs anyways. There was my polluck salad that I brought, some pepperoni/cheese and all dressed pizza, plus some chicken wings. I took a slice of each plus some salad. I ate at my little corner of the table and ate slowly. Cat noticed how down i looked and asked if I was alright. I said i felt bleh and I went to the washroom. I splashed my face with some cold water and I stared at the sink. I was fighting against myself not to purge. Then I thought of cat who was actually worried about me. I got out of the washroom without a purge. Howard and cat took out scott's bday cake and we sang happy bday. We had no plates left so we ate our pieces of cake on napkins. Out of nowhere I just pushed dave's piece of cake onto his face and everyone laughed. He had the most surprised look ever. Like if i would ever do such a thing and I'll get back at you later for that. After the cake fun most of us went to the living room and Dave asked if he could have a Tornado Sangia. Out of all people! He NEVER drinks! Everyone was extremely surprised. When Cat, Alex, and I did each others hair, Dave went out for a walk Giulio went out for him. Shannon and Howard got ready to leave and Elizabeth drove off. She picked up Giulio and Dave on the way. Dave ended up staying after all A little later when Elizabeth, Giulio, and Dave came back, Alex, Matt, Lizzie, and I joined them to go for a short walk outside. Elizabeth stayed inside after all, but wanted to go out later. Lizzie, Alex, and I had fun singing some sailor moon songs and all and it was hilarious cause the guys were keeping their distance. teeehee. When we went back inside and picked up Eliz, dave, alex, and i went out to walk for around 2-3 hours i think...alex and i talked about our personal problems (her with giu and me with my ana...a lil) while dave and eliz talked about something behind us. When we got to this huge yard we all started talking about elementary school and how we were/used to be and how we are now. Also, some bad experiences that's happened to us and all. Dave hands were cold so I got to lend him my mittens ^__^ He kept asking me if I needed them and all. When we arrived at Eliz's place once again they were playing videogames...yay. Elizabeth turns off the game and puts on the series of 6 episodes Hellsink. We are all cramped up like a can of sardine cans in the basement. 13 people in an area of maybe 7...I was on a single bed with eliz, matt and giulio were stuck on wooden chairs behind the couch, chi, cat, lizzie, alex, and scott were on the couch next to eat other. Dave was behind me on an arm chair. He was stuck to put his legs up or down so that they wouldn't get cramped, but I got to lay my head on them so that I could be comfortable and be able to see the series. He was really warm ^_^ I dozed on and off on the last 2 episodes...gah After the episodes were over with, we played a few games of snk vs capcom 2 without my glasses on. I felt like a total goof, but I had fun anyways. For some freaky shit reason Scott bit my arm. I was like WTF????????? My arm is in pain now...The leftover people who were still awake was me, dave, scott, giulio, and eliz. We walked outside to go to have brekkies at mcdoggies. We started to "tag" each other in a circle a few times which was hilarious considering I had maybe 30 min. of sleep total. We get to Mcdoddies and we all look like zombies. The coffee tasted nasty and I was starting to freak out about eating again... We got back to eliz's one more time and we finally decided to go to sleep. There was no more place downstairs so giu and me slept upstairs on the floor. Later I got woken up by giu to tell me the ones that had to leave early left so we went downstairs to get some better sleeping beds. Around 2 hours later, the rest of us wake up to see Elizabeth and Dave playing snk vs capcom 2. The didn't go to bed like they had initially planned before. Instead, they had went to play some tennis again. CRAZY!!!. We left eliz's place for 15h00 to catch the bus to get back to montreal. Everyone fell asleep but scott and matt. I got to sit next to dave ^_^. Hopeless me again. We went to dave's resto for lunch/supper to eat and giu and i had to leave at 17h00 to get to work. In the metro we talked about how much he's having problems with alex and that he's worried and doesn't know what to do. I had no idea of what to do, even if i had heard both sides of the story. I just hoped that everything would turn out fine So, what I keep thinking in my mind is should I go for him or just not do anything and wait? I usually do all of the dirty work, but it would be nice to get the service in return *wink wink* I talked to alex and she said something about reverse psychology...I had never done that before and I was really confused and shy about it. Oh well...only time will tell or something like that right???
princess ;
x 4/19/2003 11:17:00 AM x
Thursday, April 17, 2003 food for the day!
princess ;
small diet coke
3/4 of a small 3 cheese pizza
1 small chicken tonkinese soup
5 inch beef sub with veggies and cheese
1 hot chocolate
1/2 a piece of carrot cake
i was super full, but i had a great time with friends. i'm so glad that they're there for me. wow. can't wait till tomorrow!!! party time woohoo!
exercise
-nadaaaaaaaaa
weight-124
x 4/17/2003 01:50:00 AM x
Wednesday, April 16, 2003 I had an AMAZING evening tonight! I haven't had this much fun in about a year. It feels so nice to finally know who are my true friends and not having to worry about a zillion things at a time while being with them. After ddr I went to Dave's resto and got to talk to him for a while. We didn't talk about much, but it was fun being able to talk to him anyways. The others showed up maybe 20-30 minutes later and we started playing cards. We messed around with Howard's chinese/english dictionary and I looked up what was BIGSHRIMP and the answer came out with ( i can't remember!!!) something like BIGWAD. Anyways, Dave's nickname is Dai ha which is big shrimp and me, cat and elizabeth were laughing our heads off for so long it wasn't funny. My stomach is in pain right now lol. We alss went to mcdonalds to get mcflurries and ice cream cones afterwards and then went walking on the side of the st laurence for almost an hour in the pouring rain. I LOVE RAIN! We all fooled around and I got to mess around with Dave which I adored...I'm such a fool aren't I? Heh. We started singing a song and we both got lost at the same part. We went on a little bridge that was really steap and a few people started jumping on it and it started to vibrate as we were walking down. Silly me who decided to wear a skirt and "bitch" boots started sliding and falling. Lucky, Dave helped me from falling to the floor *sigh* Hopeless me *waves arms*
princess ;
SO yea...prob. had about 500 cals or a little more over, but I felt great! I wasn't pissed off at myself or anything. I didn't regret whaat I ate either ^__^ I'm still at 124, but it doesn't matter for today.
x 4/16/2003 01:24:00 AM x
Tuesday, April 15, 2003 I found this on a site that I visit sometimes....
princess ;
What we don't tell anyone but we would want them to know...
We are not doing this on purpose
We need you to believe in us
I can't change if you force me to
There is a part in us that wants to be free from this
I need you to remind me my qualities not my mistakes
I'm scared
x 4/15/2003 01:03:00 AM x
I hate binging/purging. It's such a weird feeling. A few minutes after finishing the cereal I clean up my bowl, wash up my hands, and I almost felt like if it was already seeping out of me. So freaky. It never happened this fast and painless. wow. just really surprised and how much really came up heh. even saw some salad from almost 2 hours ago....*blush*
princess ;
x 4/15/2003 12:26:00 AM x
Monday, April 14, 2003 i did great alll day ...under 400 cals, but now, at 5 minutes to midnight I got an urge to eat cereal...and look at me now! Gah....and to think that I wanted to wear a skirt tomorrow. I guess I'll have to see how much I weigh and how big i feel tomorrow morning
princess ;
x 4/14/2003 11:57:00 PM x
Sunday, April 13, 2003 I feel great today. I've already had 400 cals so far, but it's my weekend off so screw it! Besides, the weather is finally nice out so hopefully I'll go rollerblading every other day^__^
princess ;
x 4/13/2003 04:25:00 PM x
forum entry on march 31,2003 I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt that I was making out with Angelina Jolie. I wish!
journal entry on april 1,2003 13h00 127 this morning/lunchies but AFTER the food. GAH Finally gonna meet Kevin. I'm excited actually. He's a really nice person so far. He better not be an ass, but I seriously doubt it! We're all going to the faubourg for supper. I'm really afraid of what to eat. I don't want to make a bad impression. 14h45 Suzanne was looking at a magazine with a bunch of bikinis in it. She didn't know which one would fit her best. I never wore a bikini. I am moritified of bikinis. Fat everywhere *shivers*. Too bad I'm not well made enough for that. Black would be a nice colour if I ever DO decide to get one-one day. forum entry on april 3,2003 25!!!! Booooyea! I'm so glad I didn't even see 126! *does a little dance* I've been feeding myself on tea, coffee, and ricecakes for the past few days. Too much booze and singing
journal entry 125 for 2 day! Yay! 4 years ago I was at this weight *sigh* the memories I'm so tired. I always need sleep now. Too energy deprived I feel my collarbones more, but they're barely showing. It's so sad. Kevin is a really nice person. Too bad he has trouble folling like Chanty. I hate it when it's like that. He looks a lot like Roger too. Kind of cute too :P forum entry on april 4,2003 brekkies-6 rice cakes-1 large coffee
journal entry on april 5,2003 13h15 124 this morning. This is great. Keeps going down now. I told Kevin about ana yesterday. I feel bad because I feel like if I've put a huge burden on him. I told him not to tell Chanty. I feel so horrible about all of this. For some weird reason I am starting to have feeling for Chili, Dave, and now Kevin. Is it my hormones or am I just fucked up? When I saw Kevin his smile was enlightening. Is that even a word? and Dave actually paid attention to me thursday at lunch. He offered me chocolate (why food?) and I was gona take a really small piece. And he was like "cmon!? and he took off a HUGE piece and smiled. Goddddddddddamit. Why me? I was talking to Chanty last night and I told her I felt like having a bf and not wanting one at the same time fearing that I will fall in love and fall out of love like I did with Chi. What also bugs me is tat I'm fially knowing and actually getting to where I want in life. Chi and Dave, not sure and Kevin, well, I don't know. forum entry on april 6,2003 feel like the fattest person ever in the world
forum entry on april 7,2003 awwwww......*sniff sniff* I've been having such a rotten start of the week it's depressing, but I'm glad that you've cheered me up. I did end up binging a little tonight with some iceing (yes icing!) and 4 wine gums in front of the tv cause I thought I had done a bad job of a haircut on my ex. bf even though he said it was nice
forum entry on april 8,2003 am really proud of myself today! I stayed under 300 cals and even if I didn't do any exercise apart from the 100 sit ups I still feel great. ^__^ so much better from yesterday. teehee.
journal entry on april 9,2003 20h30 tuna all dressed 6 inch sub-medium orange crush-1 white chocolate cookie 124/125 still. I haen't gotten my ear pierced yet because I feel that I haven't deserved it yet. I have a supper with my dad on saturday. I'll just have a salad and maybe some alcohol for the pain...water fasting thursday AND friday. NO EXCUSES. Gah, I have a splitting headache....gonna take some motrins and lots of water. Gonna get some rest too. I got Kevin addicted to DDR now. It's pretty funny actually. First Chanty, now him, Haha. forum entry I've binged tonight on a whole package of fat free white chocolate jello pudding thingy...
forum entry on april 11,2003 I feel so exausted and powerful at the same time...
form entry on april 12,2003 I've decided to use blogger as my "diary" I used to write in it back in november. Seems like such a long time ago. My addy is at the bottom of my name *points down*
princess ;
brekkies-large coffee-carrot muffin
lunch-pea soup
supper-egg benedict (egg, half an english muffin, some ham, and some hollandaise sauce (grrrrrrr))-tall glass of soy milk with liquid coffee
snacks-1 grapefruit-2 rice cakes-4 body smart chewable vitamin replacement thingies-chocolate for calcium
exercise-10 flights of stairs-150 sit-ups
weight-127 this morning
today!
brekkies-6 ricecakes-1 large coffee
lunch-small parsnip cream soup
supper-red bean milk bubble tea
snacks-diet coke-2 rice cakes-1 low cal candy (7 cals!)-2 small chocolates (style laura secord....... )-honey lemon green bubble tea-some sugar free gum
exercise-ran up 4 flights of stairs in about 1 minute (had to catch my stupid bus!!!)-100 sit ups-1 game of level 6 ddr
weight -125 tweedle dee.
I'm finally gonna get my first deserved reward ^__^ piercing here i come mwahahaa
lunchies-small pea soup
supper-green tea bubble tea
snacks-3 rice cakes-1 large coffee-3/4 of a low cal candy
exercise-ran up 4 flights of stairs in about 1 minute (had to catch my stupid bus!!!) - once again! damn transportation!-100 sit ups
weight-124
My friend came over yesterday and my mom had made a platter of stuff. gah. I had eaten 7 ricecakes from 8 am til 7:30 pm, then at night i ate a bunch of veggies with 4 pieces of smoked salmon with cream cheese, 3 pieces of cold cuts, a bunch of green olives, 3 glasses of champagne, 3 pieces of bread with pesto sauce and brie, 4 raison/oatmeal cookies, 3 pieces of chocolate, some lemon pie filling stuff with a fake cherry....godddddddam. FAT FAT FUCKING FAT!!!
.....
sorry bout my language. I was in such a pissy mood i was almost crying when I went to bed. gah.
today I had 3 cups of coffee, 1 diet coke, piece of lean chicken with some marinated sauce (mom's special recipe), 4 pieces of spicy seaweed, 3 packs of oatmeal. Heh. I got my meat and carb intake for the whole week!
I had done 100 sit-ups last night, but I weaghed in at 126 this morning. SO DEPRESSING. Gonna try to fast for this week even though it's nearly IMPOSSIBLE with my mom being home and the fact that I have to cut my friend's hair tomorrow night (near supper time) and I son't work as much. Grrrrrr....
I need a hug. I feel so lonely and needy. it's pathetic. I didn't want a bf cause the last one I had was so caring to me and I dumped him cause I fell out of love with him and i didn't want him to suffer out of it, even though it ended up happening anyways. Gah. Sadly, I've told 2 people about my ed, and surprising enough, both guys, yes GUYS somewhat have an eating disorder themselves. My friend Giulio said he was huge when he was younger and became ana for a while. He's better now and he's super healthy. He does martial arts and all. He's such a sweet guy. Too bad he's already taken The other guy Kevin, he's 5'8ish and he's 135. He used to be 125 a year ago. He works out a lot now and eats like a healthy person. One thing though, he works out EVERY night for about 2 hours. What does this look like huh? very odd. Last tuesday me, him, and a few other friends went out for karaoke and he could barely finish his plate of food. He ate about half of it. Same as of mine, but I was sharing with someone else though.
So yea...both of these guys know about my problem and they're really supportive. They know that it isn't good, but they're lending me a hand in getting better. Like they wouldn't mind working out with me, but starting to eat a regular meal now and them is kind of scaring me and they know it. I'm really glad I have these 2 friends. I don't know what I would do without them. *sigh* Too bad I barely to get to see them in person, but mostly online even though it only ends up being maybe 3 times a week a HUGE max....
oi I keep on rambling on and on huh? I need to get an online journal. I tried creating an account on livejournal.com, but apparently I need to be invited to have a free account or pay a certain amount to join....grrr. oh well. Life sucks sometimes huh?
*sigh*
ain't life splendid??
I've decided to TRY and stay under 500 cals a day. That will kind of help me base a limit per day.
weight this morning-126 need to get down!
..................................
*blush*make that 400 cals lol. I just ate a sandwich
I've decided to water fast for the next 2 days and see how it goes. I've never water fasted before and I know that I'll get dizzy. I have to lift my spirits up and be successful for once. I need to lose 10 pounds in 3 weeks....is that even possible???
yesterday-2 bubble teas and 2 pieces of fried calmari*aka squid*
exercise-2 hours of bowling (I won!! teehee) plus 3 games of level 6-7-and 8 ddr*that was soooooo tiring....oi
weight-124
TODAY
*drumroll*
NOTHING!!!!!!! Yes! I finally ate NOTHING ALL DAY! ^__^ me sooooooooo happy *does a little dance* I've been drinking water like a fish though, but I've barely gotten a head ache yet so that's a good thing
weight-123
exercise-nothing. Water fast HELLO lol
I'm NEVER doing a water fast again. I woke up this morning extra dizzy and I felt like throwing up ALL day! NAstyness i tell ya. gah. I had about 750 cals today -dad's birthday supper at an italian supper with a large piece of cake. Oh well. I had a day off for myself since I felt like poo 3/4 of the day.
I got my hair done today! It's so pre-tty ^__^. When the pictures will get developped I'll show em to ya. LOL
i haven't exercised in the past 2 days including today and I don't really care...but I am going rollerblading tomrrow with my mum and I hope we'll rollerblade for a few hours ^_~
weight-121 this morning. yay
x 4/13/2003 03:55:00 PM x
p>journal entry on march 24,2003
11:10
1 large coffee-1/2 carrot muffin-a few soy nuts
Oddly enough I've lost more weight-128! Freaky that I've binged all weekend
Gonna go grocery shopping with my mum tonigh. Gah. Must get good food plus plenty of diet soda.
I don't think that my pay check will be enough for an exercise bike...depends. I can't wait to find out.
forum entry
brekkies-large cup of coffee -1/2 of a carrot muffin
lunchies-2 hotdogs with mustard, relish, and salad
supper-a bowl of strawberries sprinkled with brown sugarsnacks-strawberry green tea bubble tea
I think I did pretty DAMN good today. I felt full and I wasn't ashamed of eating what I ate.
weight-128!!!!! booooyeaaaaaa
exercise-3 games of level 6/7 ddr-60 sit ups
forum entry on march 25,2003
ate lots today, but it was 3/4 of good stuff so I don't feel as guilty
brekkies-1 cup of green grapes-tall glass of soy milk with liquid coffee (nesquick style)
lunchies-2 1/2 cups of strawberries-1 1/2 cups of crab flavoured pollock with canned veggies mixed into with some extra light mayo
supper-bowl of honey nut chex with soy milk
snacks-plate of baby carrots with mustard and celeri sticks with a little of cheese spread-spoonfull of icing (i couldn't help myself.....I love that stuff and it's horrible for my health!)-bout a cup of coffee flavoured yogourt-tall glass of soy milk with liquid coffee
ok....I thought I ate waaaaaaaay less than this. HELP!
exercise-45 minutes of rollerblading (slow to moderate. Damn ugly rain ruining my exercise!)-60 sit ups
weight-128 !! I am so glad that I stayed at the same weight for 2 days straight. It's a miracle!
forum entry on march 26,2003
FEEL LIKE A TOTAL ASS
i did really good all day then my mum ordered sechuan take-out and I ate plate full of food. I just purged, but most of it was gagging and I got maybe 2 bites of food out
*blurts out loads and loads of swearwords*
yea...i HAD done a game of level 7 ddr today, but that went to bits! I also did 60 sit-ups
weight this morning -127
weight tonight after binge and "purge" -130
This just isn't my day...................
forum entry on march 27,2003
had fun today! I did hair for a theatre in Montreal and I was the assistant! yay. lol. There was a make-up artist that was sooooooooooooo skinny! We had gotten free chicken (st.hubert) and she didn't eat it! I'm pretty damn sure that she's ana. I mean, my GOD. She seemed like 5'9 at 100 pounds....I wish I was her
food today...total since I didn't know what time it was when everything was going on. It was a run around and fetch this, hold the hairspray here kind of day
a bunch of carrots
large coffee
english muffin with cheese and egg
lime soy mousse thingy (137 cals! aaaaaaaaaaaaa)
half a roasted chicken leg from st. hubert with skin taken off
piece of bread from the chicken take-out
too many fries
3 nibbles of milk chocoalte with hazelnuts
a fig and sesame health bar
low cals bubbly non-soda drink
exercise-running like a chicken without a head for almost 6 hours straight-60 sit-ups-10 km of fast paced walking
weight this morning -128 . hello 128 once again you evil EVIL number!
forum entry on march 28,2003
am sooooooooooooo sore and tired from yesterday! oi
brekkies-nada
lunch-3 bites of salad with cesear dressing-a piece of crispy bread
supper-pita bread with egg with havarti cheese
snacks-diet coke-diet sprite-chilled green tea-coconut bubble milk tea-6 body smart chewable vitamin replacement thingies-chocolate for calcium-1 grapefruit-bowl of frozen raspberries
exercise-45 minutes of fast paced walking not including regular walking of up and down stairs of school and metros-150 sit-ups (i wanna rip my gut out!!!)-1 lousy game of ddr level 6 (i could barely play! my legs were killing me from yesterday)
weight-this morning-129-tonight-128
forum entry on march 30,2003
went karaoke singing last night with my mum, aunt, and 2 cousins. Had a blast! But soooooooo much smoke and way too much booze for me have me a migraine
YESTERDAY'S LOG
brekkies-a chinese pear...i think. something like that. Tasted like a half apple half pear fruit
lunch-3 cups of strawberries and frozen raspberries-diet sprite
supper-8 celeri sticks-7 baby carrots-4 olives-3 bites of overly chewed chicken (my family watching and so many things were going on...tried to make it look like if i was eating lots. bwahahaa)-some cesear salad
snacks-6 rice cakes (needed to fill up before supper lol-3 smirnoff ice bottles....yea. I was SMASHED. I have extremely low tolerance. teehee
exercise-if keeping myself walking straight and going to the washroom to go pee every 15 minutes counts as lots of exercise.
weight-that morning - 129
TODAY
brekkies-2 small glasses of pineapple juice-bout a cup of an omelette with pieces of red and green peppers plus some onions
lunch-nada
supper-large salad with cut up tofu and pieces of feta cheese with some light italian dressing-baby carrots with mustard
snacks-bowl of strawberry kiwi flavoured light jello-loads of water!
exercise-150 sit-ups
weight -this evening when I got home from my aunt's - 127
*does a little dance* yep. me in a good good mood ^_^
princess ;
x 4/13/2003 03:24:00 AM x
Thursday, April 10, 2003 journal entry on march 20,2003 11h00 1 coffee I haven't written in a while. I feel bad. I've binged lots and I haven't lost a pound. Yesterday I was at 129, but today at 130 grrr. Been 3/4 fruit fasting since tuesday. Doing great today so far! Work has been great and is so much more laid back than the other place. Plus 8 bucks an hour! ^_^ They find that I'm doing quite a good job and that I'm not lazy. Yay. Gah, less than two months to go for canadian idol! I need to be at least 115 by May 3rd. Snow...must...melt! Rollerblading time! forum entry Canadian Idol is like American Idol, except the Canadian version... a little like popstars, but when the group of singers get down to 20ish from 100, people at home can vote you to stay on.
forum entry on march 22,2003 YESTERDAY
forum entry feels like a complete imbecile*
journal entry on march 23,2003 15h22 4 rice crackers-100 cals-1 brownie-100 cals-1 yogurt-193 cals-diet soda Snow is finally melting, but the roads are soaking wet. Major piss off. Gonna try soon in a few days hopefully. I had 2 canelloni stuffed with veal, tomato, and spinach sauce with cheese on top. Plus a whole bunch of garlic bread. Gah. I was at 129 yesterday and now back to 131. Fuckydoo... I got some broth that I'll be taking plus some home coffee stuff. I feel so much lighter and I can start to feel my collarbones and my hip bones again! Such a great feeling. Getting my first pay this week, Gonna get myself an exercise bike!
princess ;
Had a great day today! ^__________^
brekkies-cup of coffee
lunchies-cup of cream of broccoli soup-one of those mini brownies - 80 cals...godddddam!
supper-chilled green tea-a large watermelon milk bubble tea
snacks-200grams of yellow wax beans with soy sauce (40 cals)
The rest I am too lazy to post the cal numbers on them. Basically the ones I'm really worried about are the ones that I listed.
Is it only me, but why the heck is there "overlord-2007 no hohtlinking" EVERYWHERE I look on this forum? It's driving me nuts! Even the smiles and the links to reply to a post is like that.....gah. I was looking at a post and I had to scroll sideways so much. Just annoys the hell out of me.
exercise-10 flights of stairs upwards AND 10 flights of stairs downwards...it was raining like mad today what can you expect?
weight this morning-130 *cries* unfortunately I'm support to have my ahem "little friend" over today, but I still haven't gotten it. I feel extremely bloated and really HUGE.
last night i did 50 sit ups right before bed ^__^
TODAY
brekkies- half a can of pineapple nectar
lunch-1 cup of pea soup-3 onion rings -3/4 of a can of diet coke
supper-3/4 cup of cream of tomato soup with basil -1 stick of hotrods (pepperoni thingy. I needed protein and i was craving salt lol. unfortunately that was 43 cals gah!)
snack-1 large green strawberry bubble tea-1 large milk peanut bubble tea
yea I splurged lots, but i felt sooooooooooooooooo light today it was a fantastic feeling
exercise-too many stair wells to count-15 minutes of level 7 ddrplanning to do 50 situps before going to bed and rollerblading for 1 hour tomorrow before work
weight this morning-130
weight tonight *drumrollllllllllllllllllllllll*-129.5?? it's right between 130 and 129 on my non-digital scale. arg
I just binged on 200 grams of yellow wax beans with loads of soy sauce! I was brarely chewing it and i even drank the spare soy sauce *cries*
I feel so weird. When I drink loads of drinks during the day I don't give a rat's ass about the number of cals there are, but when solid food is involved I totally freak out!
I've been having crazy and i mean CRAZY salt cravings for the past few days and the urge to eat loads of meat (beef or seafood...mostly fried squid.....) what can I do? I've tried chewing on gum, but my body knows that that's not the taste that it wants! *cries some more* I'm such a moronic fool to even imagine that I can actually do good....
x 4/10/2003 01:20:00 AM x
forum entry on march 14,2003 Today went well apart from the bingeness gaaaah!
forum entry on march 15,2003 *cries* I hate saturdays!!!
forum entry on march 16,2003 And to think that I write myself an accountability journal to keep me motivated to lose weight...backfired gah....
forum entry on march 17,2003 OK! Yesterday I made a huge goof of myself and ate some rice ( i can't help it! I'm a rice addict!
*cough cough* make that 3 hard boiled eggs.... *blush* forum entry on march 18,2003 Signing in just before I get to bed...
forum entry on march 19, 2003 Today wasn't too great. It was a great start though!
princess ;
Brekkies-glass of oj
Lunch-cup of pea soup
Supper-nibbles of chocolate and some non-diet cream soda.
Since I was working during the supper time...i guess the snacks were considered as supper
Binges-3/4 of a package of cooked Ramen noodles with soy sauce
I feel bad for yesterday. I was so bloody tired from school and work that I didn't end up doing the sit ups and pushups. I walked insanely today...at least 10 km of just travelling to go to school, work, and then finally at home. My legs are so sore!
Will weigh tomorrow morning for tomorrow's weight. It depresses me when I see my weight at night since I'm always a little heavier for some stupid reason.
brekkies-nada
Lunch-tv dinner of lasagna alfredo with broccoli (something like 400 CALS!!!!!!-diet sprite THANK GOD
supper-binged on a mixture of goat cheese and gorganzola
binges- 1/4 of a dark chocolate almond bar- 2 cups of coffee crisp ice cream-nut bar crunchie thingy-glass of oj
weight this morning -131 HOWCOME?I have no freaking idea!
Did no exercise today, but lifted many packages at the post office and walked a lot like usual...
Tomorrow is going to be bloody insane! I have to go to a "show" of some sort for school and I'll be stuck with my classmates all day = need to show off that I don't starve myself when I leave school at lunch time...starting after the "show" tomorrow I have to start fasting, for my health and also cause I have to get my blood tested on monday morning. HEH! Fasting with a cause ^__^ I just hope everything goes alright though...
food today
-2 paris pate sandwisches (liver thingy)-diet sprite-crunchy bar thingy-bowl of cream of leek soup with some grated cheddar cheese -2 bowls of honey nut chex with soy milk
I FEEL SO FAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!! so many carbs today gah...I cancelled the appointment for the blood test since I felt really tired after the show. It was really great! I saw so many models that were so thin and beautiful! It was such a thinspiration boost! ^__^
no exercise today...
weight this morning - 130
here's yesterday's food log-2 low carb no flour pancakes-1 bowl of white rice with eggs (egg yolks from the pancakes) with soy sauce-a bowl of green grapes -lots of iced tea and water
weight - 131
Now today! *does a little dance*-1 bowl of green grapes-lots of iced tea and water-1 red bean green milk tea bubble tea and planning to eat 2 boiled eggs for supper ^__^ I think I did well today compared to yesterday. I felt like such a hog!
weight this morning -130
must....break...plateau!!!! lol
-does anyone know that chocolate that you need to hit against a surface to have "slices" of chocolate? The commercial goes something like "smashing good taste!*insert smile here* Anywho...yea, I had 3 slices of the raspberry kind
-had a little over a bowl of canned tangerines ^_^ needed to fix a hunger hunch. I really craved salt. Like pepperoni salt for some odd reason...
I keep smelling fish. I don't know why! It's bugging the hell out of me. I love fish, but the fish smell that I keep smelling is of the fish that has been in the sun waaaaaaaay too long ewww...
I decided to weigh myself tonight and I wanted to see if by some miracle that i'd lose weight. HAH! I was wrong.
weight-132 *baashes her head on the wall*
"why?? why me??"
breakfast-can of nestea-almost black coffee....
lunch-cream of parsnip soup
supper- had a medium plate of chinese food consisting of general tao chicken, white rice, and brocolli with beef...had to go to the resto to see a friend.
break time!-can of nestea-a little more than a cup of canned tangerines
exercise-50 sit-ups-45 minutes of level 7 ddr-12 kms of medium walking pace
weight this morning -129 bOOOYEAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
*ahem* yes, I'm a little happy to pass my plateau and hopefully it won't go back to 130 tomorrow (damn chineses food). I haven't been below 130 in over 5 years. Feels so nice!
I need to be at LEAST at 115 for may 3rd. I'm trying out for Canadian Idol for fun lol. I really need to work out my stage fright though
x 4/10/2003 01:01:00 AM x
journal of march 10,2003 22h04 waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much soda and tea! I did good today! I really can't wait to weigh myself in the morning. Hopefully lost at LEAST 2 pounds. I took too many pills just now...I know I shouldn't be taking anything on an empty stomach, but I couldn't help it. Hope 4 cide pills won't kill me ^^' journal of march 11,2003 10h30 half of an english muffin with cheese and eggs.....waaaaaaaay too many cals! I went to the interview and it went quite well. I'll be getting a call tonight to see if I got the job. I had to eat though, breaking my fast :( I needed insurance that I wouldn't faint during the interview. Oh well. Down to 130 this morning! booyea! My old pants are too loose now, but I don't care! Mwahaha! 13h35,/p>
fried chicken a.k.a. FAT KFC I'm such an idiot! I feel like throwing up. I want to throw up. Gah. If I eat in the morning, it ruins my whole day. I better be at 130 or else! grr! forum entry of march 13, 2003 got so inspired by the other's journals that I decided to make my own!
princess ;
brekkies-nut crunch (oatmeal) thingy (which i knew the cals. mum threw away the box!)
lunch-nut crunch (oatmeal) thingy-non-diet rootbeer grrrr
supper-3 hot dog sausages with mustard
snacks-10 nibbles of dark chocolate-diet coke-lots of water
weight of today (more like last night...mum's sleeping and the scale is in her room...)-130
oooh! forgot to add,....played some intense ddr for 30 minutes, but planning to do 100 sit ups plus 50 pushups
x 4/10/2003 12:46:00 AM x
Someone wrote this in a forum...I can really relate this it's SCARY. I don't think that it's something that cane be put into words. It isn't like I chose to live this way. I didn't want to live in constant fear. And it isn't your normal average fear. I'm not afraid of heights, or water, or spiders. I'm terrified of food. Try living with that for a day. I fast constantly. I binge,purge, and binge again. It's a never ending war. A war that wrecks everything. Your body, your mind, your spirit, and all those that love you. Sure, I can control something not many people can. Sure, I have power over myself, but what else do I really have? I have a mental disorder. No, I'm not crazy, but the fear of gaining weight, of being fat and unnatractive, tears at me every minute of every day. I smell food and I want it. I see it and I crave it, but I own this disease. I can shut off the hunger with one thought. The one key thought that runs through my head at all times :If I put that in my mouth, who will want me then?" and the answer true or not, is always the same -no one- I isn't anyone's fault for the way I feel. No one told me I was fat. And, in fact, I was loved. I am loved. So where did this disease spring from? Well, I think it's been bread since I was young. I was always the fat kid. Such horrid memories. No, I was never short on friends. In fact, I flourished in that department. Because I recognize that I have a wonderful personality, but a great person or not-I am fat. It was always in the back of my mind, waiting for the right time to blow me away. So, one day I had a rough day. I thought that my life was coming apart, and HELLO my anorexia sprung to life. I took it, though, to the next level, I continued it. In the beginning I probably could have shut it off. I chose not to. I liked the control. I liked the feeling. I liked the command it gave me. "Just eat". I hear it all the time. As if it were so simple. I wish it were. I eat, and there's guilt. Guilt worse than you can imagine. I don't eat and there's pride. Accomplishment. Self-worth. Self-esteem. If eating a "normal" diet is the key to recovery...count me out. It isn't worth it...at least not in my head. Besides, who wants to be fat? I count calories insanely now. If I do eat it has to stay under 300. That's a safe number with me. And I have to work off most if not all or more, than my intake. 400 calories is pushing it, but 500 terrifies me. Sometimes, when I start a fast I make myself sick. I get dizzy and I'm weak. When and if that happens, it doesn't scare me. It empowers me. Besdies, I get a vacation! I get to take a few days off of working out until I can walk normally again. I sleep a lot then. And I dream. I get to dream of better times, better places, and better, thinner weights. Purging used to be something that scared me, but it becomes a routine after a while. It gets to the point where you don't even have to gag yourself. You just sit there and simply think of all the fat you just injested. That could make anyone vomit. One chip can have up to 20 calories. YUCK!
People look at anorexia and bulimia as socially unacceptable. I've found an underground ring of girls just like me. We support each other. We give tips and help each other drop more weight faster. They pat me on the back and I return the support. People are disgusted by some of us. Talk down to us. But anas can be beautiful and mias can take your breathe away. We're human too. We need love and respect And if you don't like what you see then turn your head
princess ;
It's still a difficult task though. Throwing up is loud and time consuming. It isn't really hid from your family. In the winter I throw up in the snow...when there isn't snow I throw up in the woods. No one's the wiser. I feel like Superwoman, I'll never get caught!
x 4/10/2003 12:31:00 AM x
Wednesday, April 09, 2003 Hopefully nobody from my old school really reads these anymore. It's been bout 4 months already from not writing ANYTHING in here. Might as well start over. I've been writing in a journal and in a forum about my intakes and how i've been feeling. Somewhat like a diary. I had lost my old book and it royally peeved me off. I'll be writing in my old stuff first so that I can get everything cleared out in my head. Here I go I guess journal of march 03,2003 9h00 - - cals Goddam, I finally found another book to write in. Why did I have to stupidly lose my old one? So many good memories gone now... So far negative cals today. Ate some peaches, pineapples, and pears in a can. I have a can of diet coke, blueberry yogurt, and some seaweed snackies. I went way overboard this weekend and ate almost TWO big meals in one day. Grr. I need to control myself! I finally got to tell someone, but like the others told me, he didn't really understand what's going on with me. At least he didn't end up barking at me saying that "you're wrong" kind of thing. Heh, it's funny. Siz years and mum doesn't know, Chi doesn't know, but someone I feel really confident in, that I've only known for about 4-5 months actually knows that I'm ana. I didn't really say that I was ana, but that I think that food is evil and that I count every cal in every food that I take in and weigh myself so many times a day...that kind of gives it away. Also that I hated hurting others and only ate in the presence of other people not to freak them out or to lose anymore friends. 11h40 5 cals - seaweed treat So far so good. Tummy is starting to feel empty again - I need to drink more. Lunch is around the corner and I'm still debating whether I should have the usual soup or the hot dog special. If I take hot dogs the cals will be almost over for the day. So far 78+5=83...ok. I'll have the hot dogs ^_^ I'm not even at 200 yet. 500 max today. Control must work. I have to control this. journal of march 04,2003 13h46 78 cals - blueberry yogurt I feel so strange. I barely get to 500 cals a day and I still feel like a fat hog. I keep fluctuating between 133 and 135, but it won't go any lower! I want to see results so badly it's not funny. Yay. Mylene got her eyebrow pierced. I guess if I get my labret done again it wouldn't be a big deal and that it would help me not eat for a while. Gonna have to ask where and how much it is. Unfortunately, I have to beg my mum again for some money...grr. I hate not having a job. journal of march 06,2003 9h00 78 cals - blueberry yogurt Last night I found out that he has a date with a girl friday (I think so anyways). I am happy for him that he's finally having a date/gf. I knew that I never had a chance with him, but I still feel blah... I was at 132 last night! Finally broke the 133 mark. I want to be so fragile... 10h27 - - cals orange and green apple journal of march 10,2003 3h07 So far nothing for today, but it IS 3 am in the morning. I should go to bed...Finally got some things organised which I wanted to do for a year. Yay! Fasting all of this week. Need to get down to at least 115 for may. The competition is near! I got to talk to him on the comp after such an absence. He said he had fun friday. I'm glad for him. He's going somewhere. I'm going somewhere too, somewhat^^' I got a call from the post-office that I applied to. Need to call later today... I have to find rewards for myself for when I attain certain goals...125-ear piercing, 120-labret(?), 115-110-bellybutton? Heh. Me getting self-mutilated a little again heh. Not really. It's not like if I'm cutting again. Let's see if I can support the hunger for 1 week. Must pass my previous stage of 4 days! 11h24 1 large coffee, 1 small brocolli soup Yea...I took some soup. I feel bad that I've somewhat broken my fast already. It's not THAT bad though. It's a liquid, not a solid. I have an interview tomorrow! ^_^Me so happy. I might be able to afford some things again. Post-office job. Can't wait! Another excuse to not eat. Gonna be really busy. Mwaahahaa!
princess ;
x 4/09/2003 11:45:00 PM x
Sunday, December 08, 2002 Been a while I've posted...AAGAIIN....Sheesh. This is getting pathetic no? If I ever had an audience, and that's a real big IF, they're gone! MWaha..haha...yes...onto news now... Gotta love football! When I'd see it on t.v. my theory of it was that it was guys who are chasing after a ball, jumping on each other, with TIGHTS. Sounds like vigorous ballet huh? I never played the game until yesterday. OoooooooooooooO. I do admit I can't run for crap unless I trip and all and such. ANYWHO, apart from some guys that are built like brick walls slamming into you, controlling captains, and speeding "rabbits" it was real fun...apart from getting hit on the head twice at once and not even knowing who hit you cause you're just on the floor clutching to your head and not remembering what the hell happened.
princess ;
x 12/08/2002 12:10:00 AM x
Saturday, November 16, 2002 I forgot to mention that devillutionman brought in a little birthday cake slice to enhance the whole act.
princess ;
x 11/16/2002 01:29:00 AM x
Been a while since I've posted...meh. I went to go eat at my friend's resto with a bunch of the same group of friends and something unexpected happened. An old lady, probably have assed drunk asked if it was someone's birthday cause we were lots of people. Let's call him "devillutionman" said it was another guy's birthday which wasn't the case. The lady went on and on about how we weren't treating him an enough nice birthday. You HAD to be there. Giggles and laughter were heard and the lady kept going on and on. She felt so bad for the guy that she KISSED him happy birthday on the head twice and headed for the door. When you'd think everything would calm down, SHE COMES BACK! This time she does more complaints, asks if I will be dying my hair in crystal (?????) and asks Starlocke the same. When she realises that Starlocke wasn't a girl, she says "oops. it's a little guy. i'll shut up now". She leaves AGAIN. Comes back again and pushes my boyfriend's head almost into his plate, kisses the "birthday boy" a few more times, kisses my BOYFRIEND for forgiveness on his head and finally leave for the whole night. Imagine laughing your head off with your belly full of food and beer. A beautiful evening I tell you. I haven't laughed like this in quite a while.
princess ;
x 11/16/2002 01:24:00 AM x
Sunday, November 10, 2002
princess ;
Indian Summer is here!
It's really warm out. Can almost sleep with the windows open. Surprising since we usually get Indian Summer in October.
How ironic is it that a cat is scared of a rat? You'd think that if you had both animals as pets that the cat would want any chance to get a bite out of the rat. Hah! Scaredy cat! My rat starts to rattle the cage once the cat gets close and it's quite amusing. Cat goes running out of the room meowing to go outside. Teehee...
Tis all for today. See Shira? I don't even know what to say it's pathetic! -__-
x 11/10/2002 11:08:00 PM x
Saturday, November 09, 2002
princess ;
Just saw Eight Legged Freaks and Birthday Girl...don't expect much from the spider movie. It's supposed to be a "scary" movie, but it's kind of a cross between funny and the expression that leaves on your face "huh????". The other movie was messed up cause it's kind of nasty if you think of what everything happens in there...*shivers*
I had a glorious day of doing house cleaning today. I was expecting to have my brother and his girlfriend over for some company, but they called at the last minute to say that they were staying home instead. I'm not too thrilled of my brother, but sometimes I miss him. Even if he is a royal pain in the ass. I was gonna make him his favourite choco chip cookies too! Oh well. His loss :P
Do I mumble too much ^^'?
x 11/09/2002 01:30:00 AM x
Thursday, November 07, 2002
princess ;
Finally figured out this bloody system. Wanted a firey kind of look to the site, but it wouldn't work. Oh well. I like the innocent little kitty cat look even though it looks as if I am copying Shira's site...hey, btw, since when are you a CAT person??? I've always seen you draw dogs.
I'm gonna meet come friends tonight for a get-together supper thingy. Ever since I started working full time I never got to see my friends anymore. It's pretty freaky. Now I'm finished with work and I have about two months of vacation to do plenty of goodies. Hopefully I'll keep my word for the little projects that I intend to do.
ta-ta...
x 11/07/2002 01:14:00 PM x
princess ;
So yes...this is the opening of mae's mind-numbing mumblings. I don't really know how to use this thing properly, but I'll get it eventually. Shira kind of bugged me into it :P Until I understand how to do this properly I won't be posting, but knowing myself I'm gonna end up posting tomorrow anyways.
x 11/07/2002 01:29:00 AM x
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